You Can Only Bang One Celebrity. Who Is It?

The second most difficult question to answer in the history of the world. The first being what happens after we die. But this. This is almost impossible to answer. If you asked me back in January of 1997, my reply would be Sporty Spice. If you asked again in June of '97 my reply would be Neve Campbell. Yeah, I know, God-awful taste in women in my youth. But I started to pick up steam in December of '97 when I became intrigued with Jennifer Love Hewitt (a celebrity that to this day, I still want to see naked). My point? Our tastes in celebrities change very frequently.

I've had this discussion with friends, roommates, family members. Just kidding...And the answer always changes. Imagine we're back in 1999. Britney Spears has just released 'Baby One More Time'. Is she at the top of your list? She was on mine. But then let's jump to the future. When she cut off all of her hair. Is she still tops on your list? Doubtful. That is why this is a very serious question that mustn't be taken lightly. You could end up regretting it for the rest of your life. So I thought of a reliable and practical formula to take into account.

The formula goes as follows: is she hot? would you regret it in five years? Bingo, bango, bongo. Simple. Five years is too long on girls. They typically become obese, moody, and crazy within a short time frame. Celebrities are just the same. So in choosing one that you are going to nail, you have to see who has looked good for a long time. Look at Betty White. She's looks fantastic for being a stegosaurus (a made-up animal, remember?). But you get the point, right? Did I drift off-topic? Anyway let's round up my top five in no particular order.

1. Minka Kelly. She has become the apple of my eye. A very terrible actress who is surely getting by on her looks alone. Plus, Derek Jeter gets to own that anytime he wants. Heartbreaking. But I'm pretty sure if she met me, she'd be willing to dump his ass for this Polish Hammer.

2. Selena Gomez. She has all the makings of being wonderful in every way possible. Have you ever seen 'Wizards of Waverly Place'? Easily the best thing Disney has had on their channel since 'Lizzie McGuire'. (Ex. Hillary Duff - as if someone threw a bowling ball at her face)

3. Rachel McAdams. In essence, the best part of 'Wedding Crashers'. She is sexy, brunette, and sexy. I have watched that movie just so I could look at her. Pathetic? Yes. Do I care? Yes, don't be fuckin' mean guys.

4. Brooklyn Decker. Wah Wah Wee Wah. Playing tennis is for nerds unless your name is Andy Roddick and you are married to the best model ever. She looks stunning in that upcoming shitty Adam Sandler movie, but I'd consider dabbling just to look at her occasionally.

5. Olivia Wilde. One time in my life I was forced to watch the entire series of 'The O.C.'. Season 2 featured a hot lesbian, played by Ms. Wilde. It was easily the best moment in the history of the series, and the reason I sat through 2 hours of that shit movie 'Alpha Dog'.

And my winner is.........................Minka Kelly. I'm in love with her. She looks like the best thing that's ever happened to my eyes, and for that I am thankful. Will I regret this decision in five years? Probably, but it feels right right now.

Feel free to comment on your Number 1 because I need more evidence to support that, "I am better than you."