Workout Videos Are Good For Muscles, Not For Getting Girls Excited

Most of the male population in the United States finds it necessary to have a work-out regimen. I however, am not one of those men. Simply put, I don't really care if you find my 12'' biceps unattractive or feminine. I am comfortable within my body. Realistically, would you rather I look like I do now or grow muscle from a workout I saw from videos I bought from the television? If you are a shallow piece of shit, you probably said option 2. But if you were any self-respecting human, you will take me for what I am. P90X is fucking stupid as are all workout videos.

If you do a lot of sitting around watching television, chances are you've seen infomercials for a product called P90X. What it is is a workout that you do daily and jot down your results in a nifty notebook. After how many ever days, you're supposed to see improvement or your money back, yada yada yada. I don't give a flying fuck if it makes you look like the David Statue.

Or even Arnold Schwarzenegger circa 1978 (see above). You still have to look at yourself in the mirror and say, "I'm getting ripped using a workout video. Do I have any self-respect?" No. No you do not.

If you are courting a girl and really feel like she might be something special, your best bet is to NOT tell her that you just got done doing a P90X workout. The reason being she will laugh at you and consider you a total dweeb. Plus workout videos are the personification of miserable. But let's say she doesn't know you are using said product. Is that okay? Abso-fuckin-lutely. Why do you need to go into specifics as to what kind of workout you are doing? You don't. As far as she is concerned, just tell her you got back from the gym. In all honesty, she probably won't even be able to tell the difference. It's just the principle of telling somebody that you use a workout video.

Harsh? Of course. But somebody has to teach people how to behave appropriately in a social setting. And luckily for you, you have me. The ultimate gentleman and baron of socially acceptable behavior. You never, ever, tell the person you are courting what it is you are actually doing, if it could be embarrassing. You don't tell a date that you're trimming the hedges before you pick them up, do you? Of course not, because that would be creepy and just flat-out weird. Same goes for working out. You went to the gym. You weren't in your living room doing Pilates with your roommate, or doing crunches on the giant medicine ball thing, or even doing P90X. It's that simple.

The point is, honesty is not the best policy. It is almost always better to lie in every situation. "Honey, does this make me look fat?" No. "Is there anything stuck in my teeth?" Yes. "Have you ever used P90X?" No way, Jose. This is a valuable lesson to learn in life. Because one day you are going to be in this exact scenario and you are going to have a choice. Taking the easy way out and being honest or being a real person and lying. Choose lying. I have never used nor will I ever use P90X because I'm already assured that, "I am better than you."

P.S. This is one of my favorite videos ever...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qi6oPP40hrI

***Photo courtesy of http://www.muscle-build.com/arnold-schwarzenegger.html