1.12.2011

Gisele Bundchen Has The Face Of A Horse. A Really Ugly Horse

Of all the fantastic models and angels that I get to see from watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show or stealing my mom's catalog that she gets in the mail, one angel in particular has struck me as disgusting. Some of you will know her better as Tom Brady's wife. The others will know her as the former face of Victoria's Secret. The horse in question is none other than Gisele Bundchen. Considering that I have impeccable taste in women, I decided that I will critique Mrs. Brady for the horse that she is.

Before you are outraged by such claims, why don't you google her. Look at her pictures and tell me that she doesn't look like a horse. Call me on the telephone or text me or comment or whatever you do to communicate with someone and tell me she doesn't look like a horse. That way I won't have to speak to you ever again because I know that you have a thing for horses. Aside from the stunning physique she inhibits, her face is a massacre. If I had to rate that massacre I would say it would be more violent than the Boston Massacre or the one with the farmers that I can't remember the name.

She legitimately has zero sex appeal and if she approached me at a bar and I had no idea who it (because she's an animal) was, I would scoff and make her buy me a drink. Because I'm a gentlemen for not neighing. Her face is so long and horrendous that I would consider her on par with Sarah Jessica Parker. Easily the ugliest celebrity in the history of the world. And boy oh boy is that saying a lot. I've never been more appalled by an angel in my whole life. I don't know whose weiner she put in her mouth to get that gig but it must have been the head honcho.

What upsets me most about Gisele is not that she was making $35-40 million a year, modeling or whatever it is that horses do, but the fact that she married Tom Brady. Tom Brady was America's Sweetheart circa 02 when the Patriots made that miraculous run in the playoffs and upended the Rams in the Super Bowl. He could have gotten with anyone and everyone in the A-list celebrity circuit and he settled on Gisele Bundchen all those years later? You've got to be kidding me.

I also don't know what it is with people I associate with either. I seem to be in the minority on my feelings towards this wombat, but that is because nobody has eyes that spot perfection like me. Sometimes I can look at myself in the mirror for hours on end because it truly is a reflection of perfection. God was clearly having a really good day when He created me because I've never seen anything else quite like it. I narrowly missed winning the award for Best Looking Male in 2010 by People Magazine. It's not small wonder that I sometimes see people staring at me as I walk confidently down the street or through the bars of some neighboring cities.

Regardless, if you find Gisele Bundchen attractive you need to get some medication for your affinity towards finding animals attractive, especially that of the horse. Because frankly she's disgusting and I'm glad Alessandra has taken the ball and run with it. Victoria's Secret made the best decision in their company's history when they let that washed-up Mr. Ed leave the runway and start a family with the quarterback of the Patriots. However it would have been in the best interest of Tom to pick a better model to settle down with. Doofus.

So next time you flip through your channels and you come across a Victoria's Secret commercial think of how lucky you are that you don't have to watch that mule flaunt her long, heinous face on the television anymore. Or when you sort through your mom's mail looking for the newest VS catalog and it isn't there, it's because I came and took it first, simply because "I am better than you."

41 comments:

  1. Gisele: Top paying model, called most beautiful woman in the world
    You: nothing
    :)

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    1. SHE HAS GOOD BODY BUT BIG NOSE SHE IS NOT BEAUTIFUL, ANGELINA JOLIE IS BEAUTIFUL

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  2. You are adorable! I totally agree with you regarding that she-Houyhnhnm from Gulliver's Travel's. Wonder why she rakes in so much money?

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  3. I like the truth the anon comment is bullshit she has money and feel so what she's ugly ass

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  4. and what is the problem in looking like a horse? horse is considered one of the most beautiful and graceful animal...and honestly...I cant’ see any “horse thing” in her face (??) can the most paid model be ugly? You are very rude and please buy not a new pair of glasses but a new pair of eyes :-)
    What you wrote is so superficial and very strange for a man.... you seems to be one one that gay men jealous of women they cannot be.
    Look at all gisele’s pics and admire how particular is her beautyand resign yourself.
    Laura

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    1. I'd be much more impressed with your critique if you used proper grammar in your comment. "Horses are considered one of the most beautiful and graceful animals." Also just because she's the highest-paid means she's the most attractive? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

      Furthermore, why would I buy new eyes, when mine work perfectly fine? Seems like a waste of money to me. And how many gay men do you know that are jealous of women? No one is jealous of women. They have smaller brains and rely on men for providing.

      Resign? yourself, Laura

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    2. Hey beyond below average joe aka Mike; hasn't your clearly hate filled ignorant mind ever heard of the term "beauty is in the eye of the beholder?"....learn it. Her look is either love or hate, I get that. but please respect other people's opinions who dont share yours. You post is full of hate for a stranger who you've never met. It sounds personal. You in love with Tom Brady or something? I just dont know why you would make a random post about someone you dislike. I think someone needs a hobby.

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    3. Get a hobby? This coming from the person commenting on my blog post about why I find Gisele ugly. Seems like someone is a little butt-hurt...

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  5. Nah, she doesn't look at all like a horse. She looks like a camel.

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    1. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA excellent one :D

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    2. This is a more accurate description of her. You got it spot on lol.

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    3. I feel bad for camels now.

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  6. Why Tom Brady married the horse? One word - beastiality! Don't know why you didn't figure that out first!

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  7. Though you're opinion was a bit immature, I would agree that she's one of the least attractive supermodels I've seen hit it big since Kate Moss.

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  8. I couldn't agree more. CASE CLOSE

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  9. Probably a stuck up bitch as well!

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  10. I really don't understand why she's the highest paid model !
    I would reject her in a bar !

    Adriana Lima is million times more beautiful...

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    1. Adriana has mangled halitosis teeth. she is nothing but a catalog model. Gisele is a fashion model. there is a difference.

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  11. Somehow... I 100% agree with this article. Hahahaha, I find giselle bundchen beauty is too commoners or much worst, those ordinary girls bouncing around the streets is way prettier than her. I totally agree what with this guy said " Aside from the stunning physique she inhibits, her face is a massacre. If I had to rate that massacre I would say it would be more violent than the Boston Massacre or the one with the farmers that I can't remember the name".. THIS IS SOOO TRUE. and she is top model in the world??? i really believe in LUCK now.!!!!

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  12. She is a buttaface. First time i saw her i thought it, and i still do. Why she is a VS Angel is beyond me!!! However, her body is off the chain, even after a couple of kids with pretty boy Brady. You can go to any club or college campus, or mall, or a dang grocery store for that matter and see better looking women, at least facially anyway, than Mrs. Ed. Her face is too looooooooong and her nose is to big to be a model. She even had a nose job and she is still ugly.

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    1. "so ignorant. "pretty girls" at malls cannot be models period, if they are short. You cant even walk into a modeling agency with short legs. You have to be 5'9 and up. Gisele is very tall with legs up to her cheekbones,has a look no one else has in model ing world and is photogenic. B*tch please go look at her Vogue editorials or Versace campaigns. she was made to be a supermodel. its not even funny. Mike is a butterface. Gisele wouldnt look twice.

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  13. True....she looks ugly! But why the hell is she the top earning model? Miranda, Adriana, Candice, Alessandra-what about them?? Atleast Heidi Klum and Kate moss look better than her.

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    1. Because she has her own hotels,lingerie,sandals,skin care et al lines. Miranda looks like a chipmunk, adriana has bucked teeth,alessandra talk about horse face, heidi is just a reality tv presenter, was never a true model. Kate moss, yuck. see we all have tastes...

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  14. Replies
    1. You don't have to tell me twice, Mandy.

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  15. I always would argue with my husband bC he thought she was "hot"; I do think she has a great body though but I agree that her face isn't as pretty as most models I've seen- that Vickys model Candice (her last name begins with an 's' can't spell it) is absolutely stunning

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    1. Swanepoel. I'd absolutely agree with your opinion, she could be my wife.

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    2. You crack me up ! Lol I laughed so hard at this article

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    3. Thank you very much. It's nice to know I have at least one fan.

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    4. Candice says Gisele is her modeling icon, as do just about every other panty model. lmao...“Gisele B√ľndchen has always been an inspiration and role model as a person and as a business woman. ” - Candice Swanepoel MUSE magazine

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    5. As if a goddess like Candice would ever be a wife to your uglyass. Hide your fucking face in your avi, it's uglier than Gisele's and at least she makes money off her supposed bad looks unlike you.

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    6. Rita your just salty as hell Gisele looks way better

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    7. I model my dong for your mom. And learn the difference between your and you're and when to use punctuation. Dumbass.

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    8. I will never understand why people bother putting so much effort into hate instead of saying something positive. I also find it even more pathetic that people would lash back with even more hate at a person who is obviously insecure and bitter. Shame. That is all.

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    9. Yeah. Real bitter I am. You got me!

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  16. You are so ugly as are the people who bash her. I live in Boston she is disgustingly beautiful and gives millions to charity and visits with sick cancer patients and has her own foundation for poor kids. You are so superficial. Her face is unique. She has bone structure and cheekbones that were made for modeling. You probably think fat faced women are pretty. Shes not everyones cup of tea but your words are hilarious. I bet you look no where near as good looking as Tom Brady or Leonardo Dicaprio. keep workinf for your pennies while she makes millions from just breathing. funny.

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  17. Also what is even more funny is you mention Alessandra Ambrosio who has a way longer and thinner face than Gisele's. Goodness shes the epitome of a horse face. Her face looks like a manly skeleton foot face. She is also nothing but a panty model who is not in demand.

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  18. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks she's ugly. I thought I was going crazy or blind. What a relief! Thanks! ♡

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