8.16.2011

I Started Working, I Moved To Virginia, My Leg Is Going To Fall Off. I'm Going To Try Blogging Again

It's been a little more than 3 weeks since my last blog post and these are my sins. Just kidding. We all know I don't believe in that hocus pocus, hodge-podge, religious bullshit. My goodness it feels great to start writing again. I'm sorry to all my devoted readers who would spend countless hours reading up on the things that piss me off. Or to the other reader who just wants something to waste their time. But I promise to write more on schedule than usual, it's just that I was structuring my life for the past few weeks to see what would be expected of me. It turns out that I don't have to give up writing politically incorrect blog posts, but I wouldn't have anyway. So onto my current life.


I started working on August 1. It's a decent sized company with mostly all dudes. And no that's not what I prefer. But sometimes you've got to roll with the punches. As for a typical day...I wake up every morning at 7:10. I proceed to bathe myself to get myself invigorated. I eat breakfast at roughly 7:30-7:35. I get to work at 7:50. And then I cold call people from 8-12, when I go out for lunch. I get back at 1 and cold call from 1-5:30. I get home around 6 and lay in bed and watch television until I go to sleep at 11. That's my life in a nut shell. I wake up to work and then get home and go to sleep. Cool.


Many times throughout the course of my life, people have said to me, "If you find a job that you love doing, you'll never work a day in your life." Fuck you asshole. You can love what you're doing, but it's still work. What kind of idiot do you have to be? And don't tell me not to take things so literally. That's the only way to take things. I'm a man. I don't beat around the bush. I don't play games. I speak my mind and that's all. Take it or leave it. But aside from that I love my job. I know cold calling seems like it's the worst thing to do in the history of the world, but the environment I work in is incredible. Everybody is incredibly nice. The atmosphere is very relaxed, despite the fact that people are cranking out phone calls all day. I couldn't fit in a more reasonable place.


Enough with work. So I moved to Virginia. I found a room for rent on Craigslist, looked at it, loved it, and moved in. One roommate is clean, one is straight-up German, and the other is Chinese. I pretty much live with the United Nations. Unfortunately, the German and Chinese guys are moving out and soon I'll have new roommates. And you never know what kind of freaks are going to come marching through that door. So I'm making it a point to see them first. They need to like sports, girls, beer, and potpourri. If they don't meet all of those criteria, I'm afraid I'm going to have to say "No." Liberals.


This past weekend I went to a cabin in West Virginia. I had a reunion with a whole bunch of people that I hadn't seen since graduation. It was a really great time. It consisted of a pig roast and gallons and gallons of beer. From the moment I got there to the moment I left, somebody was drinking. If that isn't dedication to a good time, I don't know what is. The first three weeks here have left my salivating anticipating the next weekend because I don't know what's going to happen. And before I forget. I got bit by a spider on Saturday. It was the most itchy experience of my entire life. Today, Tuesday, it has turned a nice shade of purple. I'm not one to care about anything, but good lordie I needed to get this shit checked out.


I go to an urgent care center and the doctor takes a look at my leg. He tells me there's nothing to be concerned with, for now, because the bite is only superficial. If it busts open, then it's time for panic mode. That's when infection can make its way in and my leg can get severed. Thanks, doc. I wasn't at all nervous or skeptical before you had told me that and I definitely have no reason to now. Idiot. So here's to hoping that I have my leg next week or the week after or however long it takes for the poison to travel. This will be my payback for being perfect.


I saw my old roomie who joined the Peace Corps in Ethiopia. He's doing well. I miss him. I saw Brian, Melissa, Jonny, Russ, Parker, and more this weekend, too. You don't know how much you truly miss something until it's gone. And that holds true to everything in life. Take this blog for instance. When all of you goobers came clicking around for it and saw that I hadn't updated for what seemed like eternity, you probably thought I retired it. Wrong. I'll never retire it until I turn 25 or something. Because I still have way toooooo many reasons to tell you that "I am better than you."

7.24.2011

Google+ Can Shove Their Lack Of An Invite To Me Up Their Ass

The new craze in life the past couple of weeks has been Google+. G+ is a social media site that lets you network with other real people and do the same exact shit as Facebook. Everyone on my Facebook and Twitter is blowing it up describing how cool it is. For some reason I would say a majority of them are full of shit. Not in describing it's coolness, but the idea that they actually have an account. When I logged onto the website it described in vivid detail about needing to have been invited and how it was in the trial stages and that soon everyone would be open to joining it. So not all of you were lucky enough to get the invite. I'm sure of it. But anyway Google, I don't want to join your stupid social media site anyway. So take that.


Remember back in like 2004-2005 when this social media site was created called "MySpace?" And with this website you would create your own space (clever) with glitz and glamour and music playing in the background. And then people would add you and then you could write shit on their page and have some quality back and forth. I remember thinking it was the dumbest piece of shit idea I had ever seen. I was in a computer class in high school and all the kids were sitting there on MySpace writing on each other's pages. I'm not quite sure they realized that they were sitting next to each other and could talk just as effectively, if not better. I never had a MySpace.


And then by time my senior year rolled around some craze called Facebook had taken the reins and was apparently the coolest thing ever. Facebook was pretty much the exact same thing as MySpace, but featured less customization on your profile page, a shit-ton more pictures, and a network that allowed you the ability to connect with some of your college classmates before you even got to college. I have to admit, I was pretty damn excited when I got my college email address because that finally meant that I would be able to sign up for it. And in the old days of Facebook, you were allowed to stalk people who were in your network and look at their pictures and see how many people were writing on their wall. And then it took a turn for the worse.


Facebook started adding privacy settings and newsfeeds and other dumb things. It was slowly, but surely becoming more and more like MySpace. The only thing that still separated it was the inability to add color schemes and blasting shitty techno music on your profile. But all the other little doodads were available. And since that time, MySpace has fallen off the face of the earth. It was sold a bunch of years ago for something like $400 million and Justin Timberlake just recently bought it for $20 million or so. So in just a few short years MySpace became obsolete. The only thing I see that it has going for them is that it's a good place for new and up-and-coming musicians to try and get some sort of following. That's all.


I think I see Facebook falling down that same path in just a few short years. I understand that Facebook is much bigger than MySpace could have ever dreamed, but when new startups are coming out almost every single week or month or year, it's going to be tough to keep on top. Look at Microsoft. From the early 80s to 2007, it was the premiere computer company. It reigned supreme by such a wide margin, that antitrust and monopolization lawsuits were thrown at them on a seemingly daily basis. Now Apple is the shit. Microsoft is losing more money than it ever would have imagined. Every empire must eventually fall. And in due time, Facebook will go down. Maybe to Google+.


But what bothers me about the whole thing is that they released it in a trial basis. If you are gauging to see what the interest level will be, go all in or not at all. I hate people and ideas that take babysteps. Shit or get off the pot. And don't tell me that I don't have the privilege of signing up yet. And that it's by invite only. That's some real bullshittttttttt. And I'm not just bitter and angry. I just want to have the same opportunities as everyone else. Why did Google make them the chosen few and not me? Don't they know that "I am better than you."

7.17.2011

Girls Aren't Allowed To Be Sluts Because Guys Are Jealous

I had a very interesting conversation a couple of days ago. The whole conversation was centered around getting laid. Naturally I was talking with a girl because I don't have any guy friends because I'm a fucking weirdo. She brought up how easy it is for girls to have sex. Since I love to argue I tried to say no it isn't. And then I realized something. I was wrong. Yes. W-R-O-N-G. This was the first time in my entire life that I was wrong. Of course girls can have sex whenever they want. They have vaginas. If I had a vagina, a real one, I would be getting laid all the time too. But I don't and I don't. So how is that fair? It isn't.


A long, long time ago a guy was trying to have sex. He was an average looking man with a steady job as a carpenter and a nice shack. He didn't work out much, except of course when he was building shit. One day, after work, he went to the local corner to try and have some sex. He figured that he would meet a woman who was coming home from the river after doing her laundry. Finally when one arrived, the man told the woman that he wanted to have sex. She vehemently denied him and entered her home. The man waited outside her window until nighttime, only to listen to her having sex with what was assumed to be her husband. When the "husband" left, the man found out that the woman was not married. It was just a late-night booty call.


The next morning the man went running through the streets proclaiming that this woman was a slut and that she had sex with a man who wasn't her husband. Several other men ran through the streets proclaiming different women to being sluts. They were then banished to the corner, where they had to ask men for money for sex because now it was the only thing they were relied upon for. And it all started because one man was trying to have sex. The moral of the story is that guys are jealous of women because they can have sex whenever they want, whereas men have to put in some kind of effort. And when they do, we trash them by calling them sluts and whores because they should only being having sex while married/in a relationship.


If you didn't already know, I completely made that story up. The whole thing. Not one part about it was true. But it seems believable, doesn't it? While talking to this girl about getting laid she made it a point to tell me that she can get it whenever she wants. Morning, afternoon, night. Doesn't matter. Because the fact of the matter is, no matter what you look like, tall, small, skinny, fat, ugly, pretty, rich, poor, if you are willing to put out, you WILL find a guy willing to provide. But the same doesn't hold true for men. Take me for instance. I would love to have me some sex, but it isn't that easy.


I'm a decent-looking guy with a great personality. I like to laugh and make fun of others. When I'm not being a prick, I could have a decent conversation. The problem is, girls don't want to have some conversation when they're trying to get laid. They want to hook up with the best-looking, muscular guy at the bar. He could be the biggest piece of shit in the world, but if he's got that look he's good to go. Those types of guys are the only ones who can get laid whenever they want. But still not as often as girls. They truly can get it whenever they want with very little effort. That's why some guy a long time ago made it a point to say that girls can't have sex anytime they want, otherwise they will be considered sluts.


When it comes to sexual partners, the more a guy has, the cooler he is considered to be. The more partners a girl has, the sluttier she is. There is an absolute double standard when it comes to sexual partners between the two genders. I can't say for sure why, but my story before does make a whole lot of sense. Guys are jealous that they can't just have sex whenever they want so they label girls that do as sluts to lower their self-esteem and confidence. Only when it has been dropped so low do we then have sex with them. Almost like it's some sort of payback or something. So in the end, I guess guys win?


In my honest opinion, I think guys should experience women for who they are, not what they bring to the sexual table. Of course it's lovely to have sex every once in a while, but there are more important things out there than penetration. And I think the same for girls. You should only consider having sex with people you are generally interested in. I understand that one night stands happen, but it doesn't mean that I agree with it. And don't be surprised if I look at you with a little shame. It's just as easy to pass up sex as it is to have it. Guys are allowed to, but girls are not. That's just the way double standards go sometimes. If you don't agree, too bad. "I am better than you."