The Leaked Naked Pictures Of Blake Lively Make Her Look Smart

Since I live a life that has no rules or standards, I spend most of my free time, all of my time, scouring the internet. When I woke up yesterday morning to see that Blake Lively had reportedly leaked naked pictures of herself, I jumped for joy. It's not everyday that you get to see a celebrity that you lust in his or her birthday suit. So I immediately click on the photos that every major and minor celebrity gossip site has posted. This was a big deal to me because I fell in love with Blake Lively shortly after I watched The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants. A real underrated film, which also stars the likes of Rory from Gilmore Girls, Ugly Betty, and that ugly girl from the first couple X-Men movies.

I don't know what it is about seeing celebrities naked, but people care. Just like they cared when these celebs were revealed.

Vanessa Hudgens

This was a major major surprise in the world of nude celebrities. Here we have the girl who starred in all those dumbass High School Musical movies and now she's seen in her bedroom with all of her clothes off. Just standing in front of the mirror with her camera pointed at an angle taking pictures of herself naked. And anyone who knows anything knows those pictures were being sent to Zac Effron, even though he was probably lying on her bed rubbing one out. And one more thing. Vanessa, it's called a razor. Use it. I don't know what kind of pubic style you have going on down there, but it isn't pretty. It's like a wildfire. Fortunately for us, her career is still down the toilet.

Renee Olstead

This chick is a solid D-lister in my opinion. She hasn't been relevant since her days on the sitcom Still Standing or her brief appearances in The Secret Life of the American Teenager. However, she got me to use her name again and all because some smart guy, literally, hacked into her cell phone. This one is kind of cheating since she didn't "release" them, but nonetheless, we all get to see them. I think her biggest problem is the red hair. Nobody likes a redhead as they are typically weirdos. I myself don't associate with them because they typically march to the beat of their own drum. Maybe Renee should color her hair a darker shade and maybe she'll see more work. Either that or she could leak more naked pictures.

Kim Kardashian

Now, she's in a class of her own. She didn't have any pictures leaked per se, but she did have a full-feature sex tape that was released. A sex tape with R&B singer, Ray J, the brother of Brandi. Kim is famous because of this sex tape, not the other way around. Her father was a prominent lawyer in the O.J. Simpson trial, and her mother a music producer or some shit like that. Then, once Kim got tired of being a nobody, she started hanging out with Paris Hilton, a sex tape is "leaked", and now Kim is at the forefront of every media website in the U.S. Wait, why is she famous again? Because she performs oral sex on a quasi-famous singer? Because she has a big ass? What exactly is it that she does? Girls, here's a lesson to you. If you want to be famous, just have sex on camera and send it to the media.

Paris Hilton

I can't mention Kim Kardashian without mentioning Paris Hilton as well. She seemingly made having sex on camera important again. I know Pamela Anderson was really the first famous celebrity to be seen having sex on tape, but Paris took it to another level. She had sex in a bathroom, in a bed, in the dark with night vision. All kinds of crazy shit. And the reasoning she taped it? She was in love. Of course! Every person that I'm in love with, I tell them I love them, pull out the camera, and say let's get to work. It seems to work every single time. Paris needs to be a little more responsible, considering she is the heiress to the Hilton throne along with her horse-faced sister Nicky. I had a teacher in high school that went to charter school with them. She said they were real whores and uggo's. Sex on tape can surely change the public's perception of you.

Every NBA player/R&B singer

There are too many names to list all of them, but here are a few. Greg Oden, Chris Brown, and I don't care about naked guys.

So maybe when I wake up tomorrow I will see that Selena Gomez or Jennifer Love Hewitt circa '97 has leaked nude photos. Until that day comes, I wait. I wait because "I am better than you."

You Can Only Bang One Celebrity. Who Is It?

The second most difficult question to answer in the history of the world. The first being what happens after we die. But this. This is almost impossible to answer. If you asked me back in January of 1997, my reply would be Sporty Spice. If you asked again in June of '97 my reply would be Neve Campbell. Yeah, I know, God-awful taste in women in my youth. But I started to pick up steam in December of '97 when I became intrigued with Jennifer Love Hewitt (a celebrity that to this day, I still want to see naked). My point? Our tastes in celebrities change very frequently.

I've had this discussion with friends, roommates, family members. Just kidding...And the answer always changes. Imagine we're back in 1999. Britney Spears has just released 'Baby One More Time'. Is she at the top of your list? She was on mine. But then let's jump to the future. When she cut off all of her hair. Is she still tops on your list? Doubtful. That is why this is a very serious question that mustn't be taken lightly. You could end up regretting it for the rest of your life. So I thought of a reliable and practical formula to take into account.

The formula goes as follows: is she hot? would you regret it in five years? Bingo, bango, bongo. Simple. Five years is too long on girls. They typically become obese, moody, and crazy within a short time frame. Celebrities are just the same. So in choosing one that you are going to nail, you have to see who has looked good for a long time. Look at Betty White. She's looks fantastic for being a stegosaurus (a made-up animal, remember?). But you get the point, right? Did I drift off-topic? Anyway let's round up my top five in no particular order.

1. Minka Kelly. She has become the apple of my eye. A very terrible actress who is surely getting by on her looks alone. Plus, Derek Jeter gets to own that anytime he wants. Heartbreaking. But I'm pretty sure if she met me, she'd be willing to dump his ass for this Polish Hammer.

2. Selena Gomez. She has all the makings of being wonderful in every way possible. Have you ever seen 'Wizards of Waverly Place'? Easily the best thing Disney has had on their channel since 'Lizzie McGuire'. (Ex. Hillary Duff - as if someone threw a bowling ball at her face)

3. Rachel McAdams. In essence, the best part of 'Wedding Crashers'. She is sexy, brunette, and sexy. I have watched that movie just so I could look at her. Pathetic? Yes. Do I care? Yes, don't be fuckin' mean guys.

4. Brooklyn Decker. Wah Wah Wee Wah. Playing tennis is for nerds unless your name is Andy Roddick and you are married to the best model ever. She looks stunning in that upcoming shitty Adam Sandler movie, but I'd consider dabbling just to look at her occasionally.

5. Olivia Wilde. One time in my life I was forced to watch the entire series of 'The O.C.'. Season 2 featured a hot lesbian, played by Ms. Wilde. It was easily the best moment in the history of the series, and the reason I sat through 2 hours of that shit movie 'Alpha Dog'.

And my winner is.........................Minka Kelly. I'm in love with her. She looks like the best thing that's ever happened to my eyes, and for that I am thankful. Will I regret this decision in five years? Probably, but it feels right right now.

Feel free to comment on your Number 1 because I need more evidence to support that, "I am better than you."