If I Were To Get A Prince Albert, Would You Still Like Me?

Hello friends and welcome to April! All 150 of the friends I had on Facebook were probably relieved after seeing that I decided to write my final post. Little did they know, because they don't read my shit, it was an April Fools' joke. The blog continues and it continues strongly today. Since most people are superficial, including myself because why wouldn't I be, I decided that I want to change my outward appearance. Not just any outward appearance. My hidden outward appearance. The magical place that only special or really willing people want to enter. (Or anyone who lived with me in college and had friends over) My male reproductive organ, silly. But here's how I want to do it.

Have you ever heard of a Prince Albert piercing? It consists of getting a ring through the bottom of the head of the penis to the nearby hole at the top. I would post a picture, but I don't know who reads this shit and I don't want to get in trouble for posting pictures of weiners with rings coming out of them. Also, I don't really like weiners. I'm more of a vagina kind of person. But anywho, this would be the ultimate piercing. No one would know about it, except those that venture to that special place. I'm pretty sure I should get this done.

On the other hand, I think piercings in general are stupid. I got my ears pierced when I was a freshman in college because I always had wanted to. Sometimes I get made fun of, but it comes with the territory. Since that happened, I have been a ladies magnet. I've kissed more than 7 girls in 4 years. Astounding numbers, really. But the concept of earrings kinda pisses me off. Like what purpose do they serve? Especially on girls. I don't like all those crazy, new ones that they all seem to want to get. Like the tragus, or the industrial, or the inner ear one on top by the cartilage. I do not like any of them.

(T is the tragus. R is the other dumb one. What a freak!)

But we also have nipple piercings. My dumbass roommate in college thought it would be a good idea to get his nipple pierced a week before we graduated. And he thought nobody would say anything to his father? The world's most dangerous/scary man? Of course we would say something. Pops didn't care, though so that was a major letdown. So, is getting your nipple/s pierced the right move? Well, if you have really sensitive nips, it might be in your best interest to shy away from them. Who knows whether or not you'll lose that sensitivity and that could make sexy time boring time. I highly disapprove of the nipple clamp.

Belly button rings are pretty sweet if you have a flat stomach and wear bare-midriff shirts. Or if you live in a sunny city like San Diego where you can constantly parade around in a bikini. But, the belly button ring looks like poopy when it involves a whale. Nobody wants to see your stomach, let alone a piece of metal that is jutting out of your blowhole. They should pass. Almost the same reasoning for a vag piercing as I cited with nipples. You don't want to ruin the area by not being able to enjoy penetration city. It could on the flipside, however, make it a home run every time. Is the juice worth squeeze? For sure not.

Since I have wasted more of your life that you will never get back, I'd like to reiterate that piercings are stupid. They don't belong on everyone and you will end up being mocked by someone like me on a blog that 9 people read. I still want to get the Prince Albert though because I think it will boost my superiority and I would have a new reason to flash my junk all over the place. Or my unit could be ruined forever. A risk worth taking in my opinion. Just because "I am better than you."