Jesus's Crucifixion Nails Allegedly Found. More Bullshit News At 11

I celebrated my 23rd birthday today. Make no mistake, it was just as shitty as any other day of the year, but for today I felt like I was on top of the world. I went to dinner with my mom and my sister to my favoriteeeeeee restaurant, Buffalo Wild Wings, and had a splendid dinner. We came home and watched the Mets lose. See, just like any other shitty day. Cake tomorrow and then back to normal. Why do we celebrate birthdays anyway? It seems like such a weird thing to do. Let's celebrate this day because you were born on it x-amount of years ago? Just strange in and of itself. So I think the Jevoha's Witnesses got it right by not celebrating birthdays, or any other holidays for that manner. But those are my feelings on that. Nothing could have been better today until I read about Jesus's crucifixion nails allegedly being found. That son of a bitch stole my thunder.

I read the brief story on it. There isn't much of a story to write about. A guy was filming a movie on the crucifixion around the tomb where some guy was found. He only presided over the "alleged" Jesus killing. Hence, the nails they found must have belonged to Jesus. Good logic idiots. This murder was purported to have taken place 2,000 years ago. What makes you think you can find nails and claim they belonged to the ones this "Jesus" got nailed to on the cross? Just a publicity stunt by some asshole who thinks his movie is going to be good or factual or some other dumb bullshit.

I hate religion. I really do. And I've ranted about it numerous times, but then I hear stories like this one today and it just pisses me off. If this guy is trying to find things of real value, why doesn't he get into medicine and find the cure for a.i.d.s. or cancer? What is finding Jesus's nails going to do for anyone? Nothing would be the correct answer. And why did the media jump on this story? Are people so desperate for hope that they'll believe nails from the crucifixion were actually found? God still hasn't saved you, and He probably never will because of how gullible you are.

I'm waiting to hear a news story in the coming weeks and months about a man finding remnants of Noah's Ark. You know, the one that carried two of each animal while the Earth was flooded for 4o Days and 40 Nights, and not that Josh Hartnett film (a modern day classic). Really? A guy making a ship that could fit two of each animal, minus the dinosaurs because they couldn't fit (that's what my mom says). However, you and I both know dinosaurs never really existed. It's nice to believe in someone that's so vicious that it would wipe out the entire Earth because we fucked up. Bravo for believing in that nonsense.

(This is the real image taken of Noah and his Ark)

Why do you think noone went to go see Evan Almighty? Because Morgan Freeman, a black man, was playing God? Don't be racist. It's because that shit was fucking stupid. The mom from Gilmore Girls is hot, but that's its only redeeming quality. I don't even know where I'm going with this anymore. Jesus wasn't nailed to a cross. Noah never built an ark and carried two of each animal on it for 40 days and 40 nights. And Moses never parted the Red Sea. All of these stories are fictional, made up to help you with your moral compass. Thanks Jesus for stealing my thunder, however just so you know, "I am better than you."