For This Time Only, A Threesome Becomes A Travesty

I would like to have a threesome. Give me a couple shots or 12 and two people willing to get dirty in the sheets and let's see where it takes us. It's one of life's greatest mysteries, for those of us who have never had the opportunity to partake in such events. At times I've heard that threesomes are only good when the 3 people involved don't give a shit about each other. When you're dating a girl for 4 years and she brings her friend into the equation, things can only get shitty. Jealousy ensues and somebody ends up getting hurt. Or maybe you're a swinger and it gets you off while some douchebag starts nailing the shit out of your girlfriend. Who am I to say? But this is where the line needs to be drawn.

http://www.truecrimereport.com/2011/04/daniel_gay_shepard_married_tea.php

Did you read it? I didn't think so. To sum it up, two married teachers in Cali invited one of the dude's students home, invited him to hot tub naked, and then the two of them went to town on the kid's asshole and penis for several months. He seemed to be into it, so whatever. But you have to click on it just to see their picture. They are easily the two creepiest, disgusting, and vile creatures my two big brown eyes have ever laid on. 61 and 59? Try 85 and I can't even guess the wife's age. Why would a 17-year-old male even consider this? I was desperate to lose my virginity in high school, but Jesus Christ show a little bit of self-esteem.

(Even they would have been an improvement)

The really sad part is that it happened with a teacher. Not that it happened with a teacher, but with these two teachers. Every guy, and maybe girl, thinks about their teacher in some sort of inappropriate way. And very seldom do students get the opportunity to bang out their teacher. In this kid's case, I doubt he fantasized much about banging the guy or girl. Yet, it happened anyway. He probably thought his friend would think he was cool for finally boning a teacher, when in fact he will be ridiculed for the rest of his existence for banging the latest additions to Shady Oaks Retirement Villa.

I really like the double standard we set as a society as well. When a male teacher bangs out a 15-year-old girl, he's looked at as if he was the devil himself. But when an attractive female teacher does the same thing, we applaud the boy for sticking it to her. (See what I did there?) Where is the problem? Guys don't have the same problem when it happens to one of their own, as long as she is attractive. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that, but I'd have been pleased to add a couple of teachers to my resume, if you know what I mean.

However this boy clearly got lost in the meaning of "cougar."

(This is an example of a cougar.)

That old hagrid witch in the above link is NOT a cougar. She is ugly, boiled, and inexplicably horrendous. So just because banging out cougars was the cool thing to do in 2007, doesn't mean it's okay to do it now. And I know this actually occurred in 2009, but it's just being reported about now. Cougars are attractive, have lots of work done, fake tits, lip fillers, and a face that doesn't show emotion. Make sure you get the premise down before you go all willy-nilly on a near-decrepid couple. Shame on you, kid. Shame on you.

And like I mentioned before, threesomes can be very dangerous. What if your girlfriend gets really upset that you are spending more time with her friend, instead of her? Or if your best friend is spending too much time with your girlfriend, instead of you...That's why couples can't have threesomes. It rocks the foundation of the relationship and disallows it to be normal afterwards. Threesomes are best served if you are just trying to be a good friend with a not so virginal girl, or if you are just a slut trying to get double-teamed. If you don't care that you're a slut, I won't either. To your face. Maybe I shouldn't have a threesome, even though it won't affect me like that because "I am better than you."