1.31.2011

The Word Epic As An Adjective Needs To Fucking Stop

I'm really tired of hearing about how everything is fucking epic. I took an epic shit today. I ate an epic bowl of cereal for breakfast. That is an epic watch you're wearing. Holy flying fuck shit. Stop saying epic. You sound like a moron. You probably don't even know what epic means. Epic: the most overused word ever, next to fail. For even more asshole points, use them together to form "epic fail." Everything is epic now. Epic car. Epic haircut. Epic movie. Epic album. Epic shut the fuck up" (urbandictionary.com) Yeah that sounds about right.

But in all honesty this is what epic is defined as, "extending beyond the usual or ordinary especially in size or scope". So to say that you did anything epic it sure as hell better be beyond the usual or ordinary. Way too often do I hear dickheads describe shit as epic. Epic fail is beyond my least favorite. What the fuck is an epic fail? I'd rather drink an entire gallon of drain-o and pour vinegar into my eyes than to listen to some asshole say that phrase again. Unfortunately for me, I live in a society where stupid pieces of shit go running around saying, "OMG did you see that old man slip and fall on that black ice? What an epic fail. LOL" These are people who need to be donkey kicked in the throat and/or groinal region.

All this venting got me thinking about some more things that bother me. "Epic Movie" was probably the biggest pile of horseshit movie ever written, directed, and acted. The same idiots who made the same spoofs about dating, the Spartans, disasters, and the Twilight saga bullshit. And what really makes me sick is that this "Epic Movie" was number one in the box office the weekend it came out. How fucking miserable are we as Americans that we are going to see God-awful movies? As if there is nothing better to spend money on? I'm stingy with my money because I don't have a lot of it, but jesus christ if I had an infinite amount of money I still wouldn't go anywhere near that travesty.

Nintendo came out with a video game on the Wii console right before Christmas. Do you have any inkling as to what the name of that game was? Probably not, because you are too cool for video games. Excuse me you pompous asshole. But the name of the game was "Epic Mickey". The premise of the game was to go around to different places and paint shit. The dickwads at Disney thought it would be cool to create a game that required you to walk around and paint incoherent splotches of paint on castle walls and Bluto. Well fuck me. That sounds like a fantastic idea. Good thing I bought six copies to wipe my ass with. And it didn't feel good.

The soon to be Gears of War trilogy is produced by Epic Games. Do I need to tell you that I will no longer play said game? Even in good causes like E.P.I.C. (Every Person Influences Children) the meaning is lost because it has a stupid fucking name. I don't even care what they're trying to accomplish because I have a gut feeling that it isn't epic. Am I taking this out of proportion? Yes, but you would only think that if you are an idiot. The word epic has officially been destroyed and it should not be used ever again. This blog however is on its way to epic heights because of you the assholes who still read it for some reason. But I'm pretty sure it's because "I am better than you."

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