Showing posts with label epic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label epic. Show all posts

6.29.2011

People Who Wear Sunglasses Piss Me Off. And Other Pet Peeves Of Mine.

I don't have my own vehicle. I drive my mom's car, but it's soon to be mine. However, every time I get into her car, the visor is down to block the sun. Not only that, but she's always wearing sunglasses while driving. It could be 7:00 am, 12 noon, or even 9:30 pm. Okay. Maybe she doesn't wear them at 12 noon, but why is she always wearing them? The sun isn't that bright. At least bright enough that you don't need to wear sunglasses and pull down your visor. For the most part I hate everyone that wears sunglasses, whether it be behind the wheel, playing a baseball game, or sitting on your fat ass on the beach. Come to think of it, here are some more of my pet peeves.

People who say Reese's Peecees - I would go so far to say that I COULD understand why people might say Reese's (Re-C's), but I don't see why they say Pieces (Pee-C's). I think the people at Mars or whatever shitty company makes the chocolate candy created the Pieces as a way for people to pronounce it correctly. They probably thought to themselves, "We can finally get people to start annunciating Reese's correctly by making a candy called Reese's Pieces. Surely they will get the idea." Wrong. I've come into contact with so many idiots that it makes me sick. I don't even want to be their friend anymore. So word to the wise, if you say Re-C's Pee-C's, consider us friends no more.


When you ask someone "What's wrong" when something is clearly bothering them and they respond, "Oh, nothing (Sigh)." - I hate people. I hate talking to them. I hate when they ask me to do them favors. I hate when they tell really shitty, meaningless stories that attempt to bump up their self-esteem. I hate them even more when they mope around all day looking hopeless and miserable. Finally, because I'm tired of looking at their stupid, ugly face, I ask what's wrong and they say nothing. Well fine, fuck you. I don't really give a shit anyway. I was just trying to be nice because you look like you're on the verge of jumping into traffic. I'm not going to waste 30 more seconds of my day trying to pry it out of you. Be sad some more you fucking dick.


While in a texting conversation, the person doesn't respond for an hour after having just responded to one 13 seconds earlier - Whoever invented texting was a genius. It prevents me from having to talk to anyone on the phone. I can just send them a message and they will respond to me when they get the chance. No more of that awkward, "Hey, it's me. That guy from Friday. I, uhh, umm, was wondering if you wanted to go get a beer or something?" Now I can just send a text to them and limit my words. But when you are in a full conversation with them and they decide to just stop answering randomly and then respond an hour later? What the fuck is that all about? We were in the middle of a conversation and you just stopped talking, like that's acceptable. Just fucking answer me and then go do whatever you needed to do. Some people are so selfish.


People who use epic as an adjective - I already made a whole post about this, but I can't help myself. I've come to notice that people who describe everything as epic either A) don't know what it actually means B) want to sound like they are one of the cool kids or C) they are fucking retarded. Go ahead and look on youtube and type epic and see how many shitty, dumbass videos come up. Or even go onto google and type epic in and see the worthless diarama of garbage. It's just like when the fucking idiots around me used "mad" as an adjective. "Yo man, that girl is mad hot." No she is not. She's fucking attractive. Not mad hot. Who even allowed these words to be used out of context anyway?


Overly religious assholes who try to convince me that Jesus died to save me - Again, I've brought up on numerous occasions my disdain for religion in the world, especially here in the U.S. But I hate when people tell me about how wonderful Jesus is. That he died for us on the cross so that we would all be forgiven. God sacrificed his only son for us. Well in my opinion, that's a pretty shitty father. You would kill your kid for the rest of mankind? What kind of moral standard is that? Why should anyone be killed for forgiveness? What kind of bullshit are you teaching me, Bible? Just like those Jehova's Witnesses that come knocking on my door to sell me their fake Bibles. Go shove that dumbass book up your asshole, forget about your birthday, and fuck your mother, father, and siblings.


Don't wear sunglasses anymore because they piss me off. And so do you. For just about everything. One of the many reasons as to why "I am better than you."

1.31.2011

The Word Epic As An Adjective Needs To Fucking Stop

I'm really tired of hearing about how everything is fucking epic. I took an epic shit today. I ate an epic bowl of cereal for breakfast. That is an epic watch you're wearing. Holy flying fuck shit. Stop saying epic. You sound like a moron. You probably don't even know what epic means. Epic: the most overused word ever, next to fail. For even more asshole points, use them together to form "epic fail." Everything is epic now. Epic car. Epic haircut. Epic movie. Epic album. Epic shut the fuck up" (urbandictionary.com) Yeah that sounds about right.

But in all honesty this is what epic is defined as, "extending beyond the usual or ordinary especially in size or scope". So to say that you did anything epic it sure as hell better be beyond the usual or ordinary. Way too often do I hear dickheads describe shit as epic. Epic fail is beyond my least favorite. What the fuck is an epic fail? I'd rather drink an entire gallon of drain-o and pour vinegar into my eyes than to listen to some asshole say that phrase again. Unfortunately for me, I live in a society where stupid pieces of shit go running around saying, "OMG did you see that old man slip and fall on that black ice? What an epic fail. LOL" These are people who need to be donkey kicked in the throat and/or groinal region.

All this venting got me thinking about some more things that bother me. "Epic Movie" was probably the biggest pile of horseshit movie ever written, directed, and acted. The same idiots who made the same spoofs about dating, the Spartans, disasters, and the Twilight saga bullshit. And what really makes me sick is that this "Epic Movie" was number one in the box office the weekend it came out. How fucking miserable are we as Americans that we are going to see God-awful movies? As if there is nothing better to spend money on? I'm stingy with my money because I don't have a lot of it, but jesus christ if I had an infinite amount of money I still wouldn't go anywhere near that travesty.

Nintendo came out with a video game on the Wii console right before Christmas. Do you have any inkling as to what the name of that game was? Probably not, because you are too cool for video games. Excuse me you pompous asshole. But the name of the game was "Epic Mickey". The premise of the game was to go around to different places and paint shit. The dickwads at Disney thought it would be cool to create a game that required you to walk around and paint incoherent splotches of paint on castle walls and Bluto. Well fuck me. That sounds like a fantastic idea. Good thing I bought six copies to wipe my ass with. And it didn't feel good.

The soon to be Gears of War trilogy is produced by Epic Games. Do I need to tell you that I will no longer play said game? Even in good causes like E.P.I.C. (Every Person Influences Children) the meaning is lost because it has a stupid fucking name. I don't even care what they're trying to accomplish because I have a gut feeling that it isn't epic. Am I taking this out of proportion? Yes, but you would only think that if you are an idiot. The word epic has officially been destroyed and it should not be used ever again. This blog however is on its way to epic heights because of you the assholes who still read it for some reason. But I'm pretty sure it's because "I am better than you."