1.21.2011

I Was Friends With A Lot Of Shitty Humans In College

College. A time of growing up. Finding out who you really are deep down, past the flabby stomach and the clogged arteries. In some ways, college was wonderful. Actually, in all ways, college was wonderful. The person who says that high school is the best four years of your life clearly never made it to college. College, for me, allowed me the opportunity to meet some of the best and worst people in all of the universe. All of my friends that I made are shitheads. But the biggest shithead of them all will always be me. They brought out the best and only the best in me. Here is my thanks to you you pieces of shit.

Throughout freshman year, I met a shit ton of people. Maybe because it was new. Maybe because people were dying to befriend me. I still don't know till this day. But I can never get over the people I shared a bathroom with for my first year of college. My roommate loved school. A really nice kid, but he loved school. Nothing wrong with that, but I wish he had partied more. The Asians next door. They managed to randomly place 3 Asians in the same room, right next to me. They liked smoking pot. Not your typical Asian. But they also liked playing video games. Zingggggg! There's the stereotype I was looking for! The swimmers. They swam and liked to party. Great guys, couldn't have been any nicer.

The other side of the bathroom had us a very liberal Jew. A very New Jersey New Jerseyan. Two New Yawkers. A Philly boy. And a hick. I had to have one, I mean I went to school in Virginia they were bound to show up eventually. All of us got along real well. We partied. We drank frequently. We ate together. We shit together. Easily the best year of my life. Nothing can compare, nothing will compare. Ever. For the rest of my life.

Then we had the girls on the second floor. The loud party animal. Her roommate, who was the sweetest nicest girl ever. The girl who had hair from the 80s. Her rocker, death-metal roomie. Another Jersey girl and her smart Jewish roommate. Great group of gals who I surely miss getting hammered with. And then we had the third floor girls. Way too much detail so I'll simply say they were good to us. All in all our dorm was made up of the greatest people one could ask for. A unit that stuck together through thick and thin and got drunk every week.

Sophomore year saw a time for expansion. For the first time in our lives we lived on "our own". No RA's, no parents, no guardians. Just us to govern ourselves. From indoor soccer and volleyball, to keggers and wallball, the memories will be forever endless. The girls next door who threw their own parties and smoked cigarettes with us. You were wonderful. To the asshole who lived a couple of units away who watched the Fox Soccer Channel, even when nobody was home, I miss it. And HBO movies that were too awful to express. It was the first time I got to watch 'The Wicker Man'. And boy was it terrible. The three of you know who you are and I loved every minute living with you guys.

Junior year gave everything a new meaning. To my roommate who loves Batman and terrible television, wouldn't have wanted to watch with anybody else. You know what show I'm referencing. And my other new roommate who wants to achieve world peace. You are a crazy liberal, but I couldn't respect what you're doing any more, despite the fact that I hate everyone and everything that isn't associated with me. You two provided a school year that saw the arrival of new friends and new people for me to hate. And for that, fuck you two idiots.

Senior year was the icing on the cake. Friends girlfriends, trivia nights, neighbors, and a big bear. I can't even begin to describe the shit that happened that last year of college. From the intense snowstorm, to the definition of the Night Whalers. Memories will flood my brain for the rest of my existence. Surely all you dumb idiots have made my life better and I forever will be thankful. Devil sticks, wiffleball bats, 1161 B-Ball. The best times I could have ever asked for. Now that I sit at home in my room and type this I get disappointed in all of the things I didn't do. College is only around for 4 years. Make all of them count. Just because they made me better doesn't mean I can't say that "I am better than you."

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