Summer Camp Is For Liberals And Assholes

Yeah yeah, I know it's the wrong season. Fuck you. Today we're going to talk about summer camp. If you had the unfortunate privilege of going to a summer camp when you were younger, I feel sorry for you. Growing up, I went to a private school that graduated 12 in my 8th grade class. We had one attractive girl and the rest were all Polaks. Out of 10 boys, myself included, five looked like a fried kielbasa. In many ways that school ruined my life.

One way in which it didn't ruin my life was that all the kids in my class were all losers and definitely didn't have the ability to go to summer camp because they were too stupid. So I never felt out of place amongst them because even from an early age, I was clearly more superior. It wasn't until I got to high school and even college that the premise of summer camp was brought up.

I went to another private school for high school and most of the kids there were either wealthy as shit or complete fuckups. All the wealthy ones did drugs and slept around, like most high school students. I saved myself until college because I wanted to be the end-all to everything great. I was.

College rolls around and now real conversations take place. None of this backstabbing dramatic hee-haw bullshit. Real conversations about summer camp. I had a Jewish roommate for 3-4 years. He went to Jewish camp. I think they call it 'Yom Kippur' Day Camp or something else really Jewish. Right then and there I knew going to summer camp was liberal.

What can you possibly do at summer camp that is soooo cool? Sleep on extra small twin beds with a fat kid who pisses the bed? Or play in the woods and get lyme disease? Have a picnic with kids who can't tie their own shoelaces? Swimming in a lake infested with leeches? None of these things sound remotely cool. When I was a kid I played video games and watched 'American Gladiators', easily the greatest show of all-time.

And when I wasn't crushing Nintendo 64 I went outside and played sports like a real man. Sometimes I even played Manhunt. I bet if you played manhunt at a dumb summer camp you would get lost in the woods and eaten by a huge black bear. Not my idea of fun. Plus, living in the comfort of my own home I got to eat cool ass shit. Not that pubic infested black bean casserole bullshit or sloppy joe with rat blood.

So don't tell me 'Yom Kippur' Day Camp helped shape your identity and made you more social with people. All it did was lead you to make poor decisions, like voting for Obama. Summer camp is officially the reason why he is in office. Because look at me. I didn't go to summer camp and I turned out just fine, wouldn't you agree? The next time you consider talking about summer camp to me remember that I didn't go because "I am better than you."