Feb 2008
I was sitting outside Market One today eating my usual, only meal of the day, which consists of something along the lines of a Snickers bar and a couple of laxatives enjoying yet another shitty day in Harrisonburg. As always, I was checking out girls and rating them on my 1-10 scale and finding humor in their shortcomings. A couple fatties, some pretty hot ones. Then you start thinking about what kind of panties they have on, if they give good head and how beat up their vag is. I can always visualize a girl’s pussy just by looking at her. I have an innate ability to distinguish between a clop of shredded roast beef with guacamole sauce on it from a perfect little taco made by the crafty hands of a Spic. Suddenly, some stupid bitch with a video camera and a tripod walked up to me and interrupted. I was already fucking pissed at life, having to endure the fags of UVA the entire day before.
“Hey, my name is some stupid slut! I am from blah blah blah stupid liberal news station. I am looking to interview insightful students on campus about the NIU shootings.”
“Good luck with that,” I said because I was more interested in the visual of her naked that was in my head.
“What do you think about it?”
“Sucks for them,” still not listening or caring about a damn thing she had to say because she looked stupid.
“What do you think about gun control? Should people have the right to have concealed weapons on a college campus?”
At this point I am left to ponder some things: Why the fuck is she talking to me? Do I look like I care about anyone or anything other than myself? Is her vagina really as saggy and pwned as I think?
“Not psychos like him.” I continued to eat some laxatives. It is a healthy alternative to bulimia. She knows this so she is jealous. I just like the taste.
“Ummmm, could you elaborate? I would like to film you on camera so we can get an idea of what students on campus think,” said the stupid cunt.
“Well, I’m not trying to get shot by some loser who has no friends. Don’t be mad at me for your shortcomings. You shouldn’t watch too much Star Trek as a kid.” As I said it, she began writing my brilliant testimony down onto a notepad, but then she stopped. I’m assuming it was somewhere between loser and Star Trek that she wasn’t too happy about.
“Uhhh, can you be a little more insightful?”
“No.”
She walked away and interviewed some ugly girls next to me wearing their letters for some stupid ass band fraternity.
I was sitting outside Market One today eating my usual, only meal of the day, which consists of something along the lines of a Snickers bar and a couple of laxatives enjoying yet another shitty day in Harrisonburg. As always, I was checking out girls and rating them on my 1-10 scale and finding humor in their shortcomings. A couple fatties, some pretty hot ones. Then you start thinking about what kind of panties they have on, if they give good head and how beat up their vag is. I can always visualize a girl’s pussy just by looking at her. I have an innate ability to distinguish between a clop of shredded roast beef with guacamole sauce on it from a perfect little taco made by the crafty hands of a Spic. Suddenly, some stupid bitch with a video camera and a tripod walked up to me and interrupted. I was already fucking pissed at life, having to endure the fags of UVA the entire day before.
“Hey, my name is some stupid slut! I am from blah blah blah stupid liberal news station. I am looking to interview insightful students on campus about the NIU shootings.”
“Good luck with that,” I said because I was more interested in the visual of her naked that was in my head.
“What do you think about it?”
“Sucks for them,” still not listening or caring about a damn thing she had to say because she looked stupid.
“What do you think about gun control? Should people have the right to have concealed weapons on a college campus?”
At this point I am left to ponder some things: Why the fuck is she talking to me? Do I look like I care about anyone or anything other than myself? Is her vagina really as saggy and pwned as I think?
“Not psychos like him.” I continued to eat some laxatives. It is a healthy alternative to bulimia. She knows this so she is jealous. I just like the taste.
“Ummmm, could you elaborate? I would like to film you on camera so we can get an idea of what students on campus think,” said the stupid cunt.
“Well, I’m not trying to get shot by some loser who has no friends. Don’t be mad at me for your shortcomings. You shouldn’t watch too much Star Trek as a kid.” As I said it, she began writing my brilliant testimony down onto a notepad, but then she stopped. I’m assuming it was somewhere between loser and Star Trek that she wasn’t too happy about.
“Uhhh, can you be a little more insightful?”
“No.”
She walked away and interviewed some ugly girls next to me wearing their letters for some stupid ass band fraternity.
👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼
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