1.12.2011

Gisele Bundchen Has The Face Of A Horse. A Really Ugly Horse

Of all the fantastic models and angels that I get to see from watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show or stealing my mom's catalog that she gets in the mail, one angel in particular has struck me as disgusting. Some of you will know her better as Tom Brady's wife. The others will know her as the former face of Victoria's Secret. The horse in question is none other than Gisele Bundchen. Considering that I have impeccable taste in women, I decided that I will critique Mrs. Brady for the horse that she is.

Before you are outraged by such claims, why don't you google her. Look at her pictures and tell me that she doesn't look like a horse. Call me on the telephone or text me or comment or whatever you do to communicate with someone and tell me she doesn't look like a horse. That way I won't have to speak to you ever again because I know that you have a thing for horses. Aside from the stunning physique she inhibits, her face is a massacre. If I had to rate that massacre I would say it would be more violent than the Boston Massacre or the one with the farmers that I can't remember the name.

She legitimately has zero sex appeal and if she approached me at a bar and I had no idea who it (because she's an animal) was, I would scoff and make her buy me a drink. Because I'm a gentlemen for not neighing. Her face is so long and horrendous that I would consider her on par with Sarah Jessica Parker. Easily the ugliest celebrity in the history of the world. And boy oh boy is that saying a lot. I've never been more appalled by an angel in my whole life. I don't know whose weiner she put in her mouth to get that gig but it must have been the head honcho.

What upsets me most about Gisele is not that she was making $35-40 million a year, modeling or whatever it is that horses do, but the fact that she married Tom Brady. Tom Brady was America's Sweetheart circa 02 when the Patriots made that miraculous run in the playoffs and upended the Rams in the Super Bowl. He could have gotten with anyone and everyone in the A-list celebrity circuit and he settled on Gisele Bundchen all those years later? You've got to be kidding me.

I also don't know what it is with people I associate with either. I seem to be in the minority on my feelings towards this wombat, but that is because nobody has eyes that spot perfection like me. Sometimes I can look at myself in the mirror for hours on end because it truly is a reflection of perfection. God was clearly having a really good day when He created me because I've never seen anything else quite like it. I narrowly missed winning the award for Best Looking Male in 2010 by People Magazine. It's not small wonder that I sometimes see people staring at me as I walk confidently down the street or through the bars of some neighboring cities.

Regardless, if you find Gisele Bundchen attractive you need to get some medication for your affinity towards finding animals attractive, especially that of the horse. Because frankly she's disgusting and I'm glad Alessandra has taken the ball and run with it. Victoria's Secret made the best decision in their company's history when they let that washed-up Mr. Ed leave the runway and start a family with the quarterback of the Patriots. However it would have been in the best interest of Tom to pick a better model to settle down with. Doofus.

So next time you flip through your channels and you come across a Victoria's Secret commercial think of how lucky you are that you don't have to watch that mule flaunt her long, heinous face on the television anymore. Or when you sort through your mom's mail looking for the newest VS catalog and it isn't there, it's because I came and took it first, simply because "I am better than you."

104 comments:

  1. Gisele: Top paying model, called most beautiful woman in the world
    You: nothing
    :)

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    1. SHE HAS GOOD BODY BUT BIG NOSE SHE IS NOT BEAUTIFUL, ANGELINA JOLIE IS BEAUTIFUL

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    2. Big ass nose, ugly face. not sexy at all.

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    3. Gil Bundchen with short hair does have a horse's face, also, very male. As Brady has the cute, girly face, they do go together. The fashion industry must appeal to males, including gay males....so Gil B. fits in.

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    4. Honestly, she has a man face.. She worked hard fixing her body, but her masculine look would always stay no matter what she could do.. The sad thing is, she is trying so hard to pretend to be the most beautiful woman in the world ( as what the media portrays) but in her mind, deeply, she knows she looks like a man with a touch of a horse.

      Trust me, tom Brady may not know as most of guys are stupid that way, but GB herself definitely knows she looks like a man and this has been and always would be the reason of her insecurity and the darkest secret she would never admit to anyone...

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    5. Beauty? want to compare a beautiful woman, look at Mrs. Brady, then look at pictures of Ava Gardner. I rest my case.

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  2. You are adorable! I totally agree with you regarding that she-Houyhnhnm from Gulliver's Travel's. Wonder why she rakes in so much money?

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  3. I like the truth the anon comment is bullshit she has money and feel so what she's ugly ass

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  4. and what is the problem in looking like a horse? horse is considered one of the most beautiful and graceful animal...and honestly...I cant’ see any “horse thing” in her face (??) can the most paid model be ugly? You are very rude and please buy not a new pair of glasses but a new pair of eyes :-)
    What you wrote is so superficial and very strange for a man.... you seems to be one one that gay men jealous of women they cannot be.
    Look at all gisele’s pics and admire how particular is her beautyand resign yourself.
    Laura

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    1. I'd be much more impressed with your critique if you used proper grammar in your comment. "Horses are considered one of the most beautiful and graceful animals." Also just because she's the highest-paid means she's the most attractive? That doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

      Furthermore, why would I buy new eyes, when mine work perfectly fine? Seems like a waste of money to me. And how many gay men do you know that are jealous of women? No one is jealous of women. They have smaller brains and rely on men for providing.

      Resign? yourself, Laura

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    2. Hey beyond below average joe aka Mike; hasn't your clearly hate filled ignorant mind ever heard of the term "beauty is in the eye of the beholder?"....learn it. Her look is either love or hate, I get that. but please respect other people's opinions who dont share yours. You post is full of hate for a stranger who you've never met. It sounds personal. You in love with Tom Brady or something? I just dont know why you would make a random post about someone you dislike. I think someone needs a hobby.

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    3. Get a hobby? This coming from the person commenting on my blog post about why I find Gisele ugly. Seems like someone is a little butt-hurt...

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    4. It would not be a bad looking guy with a short hair cut.

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    5. It is hideous, huge nose, no breasts, no buttocks........ before plastic surgery. A male with females genitals(.)

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    6. It is hideous, huge nose, no breasts, no buttocks........ before plastic surgery. A male with females genitals(.)

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    7. Gisele is OK looking besides the horsey face & the lack of hips but no way should she get called or paid for her 'beauty.'
      This is not a case of 'beholder, this is some industry telling us how perfect & worthy she is.
      She is tall & slender, a good clothes hanger but not even pretty.
      She's been blesses with 'luck' by some horselover tho so it's worked out for her.

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    8. Mike, if you must be so unpleasant *and* correct the grammar of others, you really must have perfect grammar yourself. One example is in your oh-so-charming mention of a day when innocent people were murdered. "...or the one with the farmers that I can't remember the name". Seriously? Did you write that in your sleep? What an odd Blog, I hoped it was ironic and meant to be funny but have no clue as to what this is. Maybe you have sad friends who enjoy whatever this is.
      Oh, and keep this in mind - no matter what you and your fellow trolls write about Giselle? She is happy, rich, and has a great family. You take nothing from her, but you could do damage to your own soul.

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    9. When is the last time you got laid? You sound like a total idiot.

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    10. Never. I'm waiting for the perfect woman. Definitely wouldn't be you Sybil.

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    11. I think she is kind of ugly, manly and her body is not great either. She is Germanic, which are famous for mannish women. Nothing against her as a person, but don't see all the fuzz.

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    12. Surprised and happy someone said it. You can not deny her hot body but the face will always remain.

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  5. Nah, she doesn't look at all like a horse. She looks like a camel.

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    1. HA HA HA HA HA HA HA excellent one :D

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    2. This is a more accurate description of her. You got it spot on lol.

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    3. I feel bad for camels now.

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    4. Is she an experiment from the Island of Doctor Moreau?

      She has got a face that makes the back end of CAMEL look good!

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    5. I noticed most American men like fat, masculine, aggressive women. Tom's standard is a little higher. She is not fat.

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    6. She majorly looks POSITIVELY EQUINE with that HORRIBLY UGLY HORSE FACE!

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  6. Why Tom Brady married the horse? One word - beastiality! Don't know why you didn't figure that out first!

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  7. Though you're opinion was a bit immature, I would agree that she's one of the least attractive supermodels I've seen hit it big since Kate Moss.

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  8. I couldn't agree more. CASE CLOSE

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  9. Probably a stuck up bitch as well!

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  10. I really don't understand why she's the highest paid model !
    I would reject her in a bar !

    Adriana Lima is million times more beautiful...

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    1. Adriana has mangled halitosis teeth. she is nothing but a catalog model. Gisele is a fashion model. there is a difference.

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    2. Good answer. Highest paid model in the world??? Says who??? Are they ugly, too?? She's a dog.

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    3. Her body is just a skinny stick and has 000 feminine touch I agree Brady looks girlish standing next to his wife and since he knew that he looks like a cute girl he sees in his wife the face he wasn't born wirh.. here end of a story.
      I am very feminine looking have round face and guys who are attracted to me are all with long faces like Gisele. Opposite attraction, I don't find Brady handsome at all I am attracted to Rogers Aaron🤓

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  11. Somehow... I 100% agree with this article. Hahahaha, I find giselle bundchen beauty is too commoners or much worst, those ordinary girls bouncing around the streets is way prettier than her. I totally agree what with this guy said " Aside from the stunning physique she inhibits, her face is a massacre. If I had to rate that massacre I would say it would be more violent than the Boston Massacre or the one with the farmers that I can't remember the name".. THIS IS SOOO TRUE. and she is top model in the world??? i really believe in LUCK now.!!!!

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  12. She is a buttaface. First time i saw her i thought it, and i still do. Why she is a VS Angel is beyond me!!! However, her body is off the chain, even after a couple of kids with pretty boy Brady. You can go to any club or college campus, or mall, or a dang grocery store for that matter and see better looking women, at least facially anyway, than Mrs. Ed. Her face is too looooooooong and her nose is to big to be a model. She even had a nose job and she is still ugly.

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    1. "so ignorant. "pretty girls" at malls cannot be models period, if they are short. You cant even walk into a modeling agency with short legs. You have to be 5'9 and up. Gisele is very tall with legs up to her cheekbones,has a look no one else has in model ing world and is photogenic. B*tch please go look at her Vogue editorials or Versace campaigns. she was made to be a supermodel. its not even funny. Mike is a butterface. Gisele wouldnt look twice.

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    2. Agree. She had a nose job?? Schnauzer way. way too big to be a model. i'm sure Tom looks at other women all the time.

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  13. True....she looks ugly! But why the hell is she the top earning model? Miranda, Adriana, Candice, Alessandra-what about them?? Atleast Heidi Klum and Kate moss look better than her.

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    1. Because she has her own hotels,lingerie,sandals,skin care et al lines. Miranda looks like a chipmunk, adriana has bucked teeth,alessandra talk about horse face, heidi is just a reality tv presenter, was never a true model. Kate moss, yuck. see we all have tastes...

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  14. I always would argue with my husband bC he thought she was "hot"; I do think she has a great body though but I agree that her face isn't as pretty as most models I've seen- that Vickys model Candice (her last name begins with an 's' can't spell it) is absolutely stunning

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    1. Swanepoel. I'd absolutely agree with your opinion, she could be my wife.

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    2. You crack me up ! Lol I laughed so hard at this article

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    3. Thank you very much. It's nice to know I have at least one fan.

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    4. Candice says Gisele is her modeling icon, as do just about every other panty model. lmao...“Gisele Bündchen has always been an inspiration and role model as a person and as a business woman. ” - Candice Swanepoel MUSE magazine

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    5. As if a goddess like Candice would ever be a wife to your uglyass. Hide your fucking face in your avi, it's uglier than Gisele's and at least she makes money off her supposed bad looks unlike you.

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    6. Rita your just salty as hell Gisele looks way better

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    7. I model my dong for your mom. And learn the difference between your and you're and when to use punctuation. Dumbass.

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    8. I will never understand why people bother putting so much effort into hate instead of saying something positive. I also find it even more pathetic that people would lash back with even more hate at a person who is obviously insecure and bitter. Shame. That is all.

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    9. Yeah. Real bitter I am. You got me!

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    10. Horse face checked. ..body like a skinny boy with fake boobs stuck on checked ...voice like a dude checked. ...lmao...

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  15. You are so ugly as are the people who bash her. I live in Boston she is disgustingly beautiful and gives millions to charity and visits with sick cancer patients and has her own foundation for poor kids. You are so superficial. Her face is unique. She has bone structure and cheekbones that were made for modeling. You probably think fat faced women are pretty. Shes not everyones cup of tea but your words are hilarious. I bet you look no where near as good looking as Tom Brady or Leonardo Dicaprio. keep workinf for your pennies while she makes millions from just breathing. funny.

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    1. I agree, it is comical to call her ugly and every girl that says thats men would rather have her in their bed eatin crackers rather than there fat asses!

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    2. In her best photos her face is obscured by her hair or she’s wearing something outlandish to take attention away from her jacked up face.

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  16. Also what is even more funny is you mention Alessandra Ambrosio who has a way longer and thinner face than Gisele's. Goodness shes the epitome of a horse face. Her face looks like a manly skeleton foot face. She is also nothing but a panty model who is not in demand.

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  17. I'm so glad I'm not the only one who thinks she's ugly. I thought I was going crazy or blind. What a relief! Thanks! ♡

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  18. haha this is soo funny man! I found this blog by actually googling "giselle horse face". Because I too think she looks like a horse. She's super ugly and to be honest, a bit disgusting, as you say. I'm not at all turned on by her either, and do not understand who would be. No sex appeal. But who knows, perhaps she has a great personality or a great sense of humor. It's gotta be something other than her looks. Cause..daym...

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    1. Maybe she does really good supermodel impressions for Tom.

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  19. She is just plain ugly and Tom Brady could have done better.

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  20. Gisele has always looked like a cross between SNL's Ana Gasteyer and Madame (formerly of Wayland Flower's and Madame............. Mr Flowers, RIP).

    That is just how I see Mrs Brady. Plain, as the nose on her face.

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  21. She is plain ugly, ugly, ugly and ugly totally agree!!!

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  22. Look at it's face and body before plastic surgery. HUGE nose, almost no breasts. The ugliest popular model I have ever seen, though I know gay men who like her looks. When I first saw it, I thought it was modeling for transgender Americans. Instead, just another illegal taking US jobs until it snared Tom Brady who likes both females, like the pregnant girlfriend he left for Gil, and males like it. Gil B. is also obnoxious, a crude guy that insults Brady's teammates, and everyone connected with the Pats for Brady's mistakes.

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  23. Yes, never understood why people call her "hot" and pay her so much money. Her face is so ugly. Body is like other model.

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  24. Dated a few women that started modeling for VS. I mean these women were gorgeous. Everyone of them quit and came to the conclusion that they had to sleep with people to get anywhere. what do you think? from my experience, most gorgeous women won't do that, so this is what VS is stuck with, I guess

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    1. Blaha...ok buddy! Lets see a pic of you and these gorgeous women..

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  25. Even if you and think that she is ugly, you don't have to post it on the internet...this is just mean. And unnecessary. Yes, you are entitled to your opinions and everyone has their own opinions, but that doesn't always mean you have to say them out loud. Sometimes it's better to just keep them to yourself.

    Also..."if she approached me at a bar"--hahaha this would never happen. I believe someone is a little bitter about the fact that a successful, beautiful woman makes A LOT more money than you.

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    1. Yeah, that must be it! She's the only person, male or female that makes more money than me. Damn Gisele.

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  26. Actually her physique is nothing much either. She looks male in physique and non feminine in face. Only the fashion industry likes her but they are a bunch of werdos anyhiw. Looking at her images on Google can't understand why al the fuss.She'd look great in a corporate power suit with a dick... She's very maledominant.

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  27. It's ok if you don't think she is beautiful, but it would show greater character on behalf of everyone who critiqued her so harshly, to not blast it so hatefully. After all, are you all so perfect and beautiful as to determine everyone else's imperfections.

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  28. Is she an experiment from the Island of Doctor Moreau?

    She has got a face that makes the back end of CAMEL look good!

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  30. Hahahahahahaha. I googled "Giselle looks like a man" and then stumbled on this first. I have never actually commented on a blog but my gosh did your post ryle me up. Boy do I hope you are making a joke when claiming you're "perfect". I looked at your picture and you look like my an ugly version of Eli manning, which is basically being uglier than the ugliest ugly. So, I have come to the conclusion that you are playing off of the fact that you're a late 30-early 40 year old loser who trolls the Internet. At least be funny in your article, or witty. The only funny part of your post is how unfunny you are while attempting to be funny. And let's be serious, you've never been with a girl that looks even remotely close to the likes of Giselle. I'm not saying she isn't over rated, but she definitely isn't "hideous". You said you'd deny her if she walked up
    To you at the bar, but boy would she never walk up to your hideous ass blacked out and Hornier than your virgin ass. enjoy sitting on your couch in your wife beater, boxers and white tube socks, with one hand on your little wiener that no girl would even know you had because you can't get them into bed and one on your keyboard, trolling the most popular couple in the world.

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    1. I guess you've never seen Eli Manning's wife. She's incredibly attractive and I thoroughly enjoy that you've compared me to him, a 2-time Super Bowl winning quarterback. I'd much rather look like an "ugly" celebrity than whatever accident your parents made. But whatever helps you sleep at night dude.

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  31. I agree, but notice many successful models are not pretty, but have the right physic and photo well. Hannah Ware, she' beautiful. Remember, in the Golden age perfect women hade huge hips and small breasts and pale skin.

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  32. She's gorgeous, you all need to get a life...

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  33. if anyone thinks giselle is pretty or attractive, you're either blind or you have gay homo tendencies. this bitch is straight up a tall skinny man.

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  34. I agree, Gisele's face looks like a man/horse mix and her body looks like a skinny man's body. Adriana Lima is the beauty that represents Brazil the best. Gisele should represent German manly woman. I honestly always thought that gay fashion designers pick models that look manly because it appeals to them. I don't get it why Gigi Hadid gets less modeling jobs then her sister Bella who had plastic surgeries only to resemble Gisele. And people who are trying to say something against your blog are just annoying and boring. Everyone just skips their boring posts.

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  35. SHE LOOKS NICE YOU PEOPLE ARE UGLY AND JEALOUS

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  36. Gisele's a horse face and boobless!!!!!!

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  37. That ass kissing biatch Alexandra is trying too hard to defend horse face model

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  38. I think she looks like a transgender

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  39. I think her overall profile that catches your eye when she is photographed, but she is just someones marketing project, trying to tell us all what is beautiful, but beauty lies in the eye of the beholder, but some philosophers would argue that beauty is, pregnancy did not help her looks, and she has too high testosterone elvel looks like, she may have an adrenal dysfunction

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  41. I personally don't understand why so many people give her credit for being a "legendary model". Gisele has said herself that people told her she could never be a model because of her big nose. But apparently one french photographer liked her because of her enthusiam and personality. That's basically saying that anybody can be a succesful model if they have "personality". It's clear that her looks are unconventional. It's insane to me that she's the highest paid model in the world. Her face reminds me that of a horse which is ironic since she apparently pioneered the "Horse walk". I may be harsh, but there's certainly more deserving woman.

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  42. You are all quite mean. Giselle has made an amazing success of herself. She has an amazing body, and more importantly an over the top business sense. She is even smarter for getting away from that narcissist Tom Brady.
    If you want to berate her list your successes and pics and let's judge you.
    Go on with your mediocre lives and let her keep on with her successful life.
    She has spent her time succeeding, and not wasting it bringing others down.
    Stop being hateful, and get on with your lives.
    Bravo Giselle.

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  43. She is the highest paid model probably because she's also a practicing witch. She does look like a horse, but for those who say she's beautiful must have fallen prey to her witchcraft cause IMHO they blind as a bat. 🤣

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