6.02.2011

The Leaked Naked Pictures Of Blake Lively Make Her Look Smart

Since I live a life that has no rules or standards, I spend most of my free time, all of my time, scouring the internet. When I woke up yesterday morning to see that Blake Lively had reportedly leaked naked pictures of herself, I jumped for joy. It's not everyday that you get to see a celebrity that you lust in his or her birthday suit. So I immediately click on the photos that every major and minor celebrity gossip site has posted. This was a big deal to me because I fell in love with Blake Lively shortly after I watched The Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants. A real underrated film, which also stars the likes of Rory from Gilmore Girls, Ugly Betty, and that ugly girl from the first couple X-Men movies.

I don't know what it is about seeing celebrities naked, but people care. Just like they cared when these celebs were revealed.

Vanessa Hudgens
This was a major major surprise in the world of nude celebrities. Here we have the girl who starred in all those dumbass High School Musical movies and now she's seen in her bedroom with all of her clothes off. Just standing in front of the mirror with her camera pointed at an angle taking pictures of herself naked. And anyone who knows anything knows those pictures were being sent to Zac Effron, even though he was probably lying on her bed rubbing one out. And one more thing. Vanessa, it's called a razor. Use it. I don't know what kind of pubic style you have going on down there, but it isn't pretty. It's like a wildfire. Fortunately for us, her career is still down the toilet.

Renee Olstead
This chick is a solid D-lister in my opinion. She hasn't been relevant since her days on the sitcom Still Standing or her brief appearances in The Secret Life of the American Teenager. However, she got me to use her name again and all because some smart guy, literally, hacked into her cell phone. This one is kind of cheating since she didn't "release" them, but nonetheless, we all get to see them. I think her biggest problem is the red hair. Nobody likes a redhead as they are typically weirdos. I myself don't associate with them because they typically march to the beat of their own drum. Maybe Renee should color her hair a darker shade and maybe she'll see more work. Either that or she could leak more naked pictures.


Kim Kardashian
Now, she's in a class of her own. She didn't have any pictures leaked per se, but she did have a full-feature sex tape that was released. A sex tape with R&B singer, Ray J, the brother of Brandi. Kim is famous because of this sex tape, not the other way around. Her father was a prominent lawyer in the O.J. Simpson trial, and her mother a music producer or some shit like that. Then, once Kim got tired of being a nobody, she started hanging out with Paris Hilton, a sex tape is "leaked", and now Kim is at the forefront of every media website in the U.S. Wait, why is she famous again? Because she performs oral sex on a quasi-famous singer? Because she has a big ass? What exactly is it that she does? Girls, here's a lesson to you. If you want to be famous, just have sex on camera and send it to the media.

Paris Hilton
I can't mention Kim Kardashian without mentioning Paris Hilton as well. She seemingly made having sex on camera important again. I know Pamela Anderson was really the first famous celebrity to be seen having sex on tape, but Paris took it to another level. She had sex in a bathroom, in a bed, in the dark with night vision. All kinds of crazy shit. And the reasoning she taped it? She was in love. Of course! Every person that I'm in love with, I tell them I love them, pull out the camera, and say let's get to work. It seems to work every single time. Paris needs to be a little more responsible, considering she is the heiress to the Hilton throne along with her horse-faced sister Nicky. I had a teacher in high school that went to charter school with them. She said they were real whores and uggo's. Sex on tape can surely change the public's perception of you.

Every NBA player/R&B singer
There are too many names to list all of them, but here are a few. Greg Oden, Chris Brown, and I don't care about naked guys.

So maybe when I wake up tomorrow I will see that Selena Gomez or Jennifer Love Hewitt circa '97 has leaked nude photos. Until that day comes, I wait. I wait because "I am better than you."

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