Plain white shirt - Nothing says I'm sophisticated and willing to party like a plain white t-shirt. It helps you breathe easy, can be scribbled on with relative ease, and you can always claim somebody spilled something on you when you're really sweaty from being out of shape. They come 3-in-a-pack and are generally cheap. Plus, they are unisex. No that doesn't mean they only have sex with one person. It means that it could be worn by both sexes, you know like boys and girls. I think it would be a huge hit at your local bar.
Old NBA jerseys - This is just a no-brainer. It's sleeveless, shows off your muscular biceps and triceps, great colors, and never ages. The older the jersey, the better off you are. Girls will want to talk to you because they will think you are athletic. Guys will want to be you because you look so fucking good. The only setback is that girls don't know dick about sports for the most part, and most guys do. That leaves you sitting in the back of the bar talking to some homely loser, meanwhile the slutty girls are hanging out in the front of the bar flirting with the bartender in hopes they will get free drinks or free sex. But if you can use the jersey to your advantage, you can easily score with this thing on. (No pun intended)
Cargo shorts - People say that cargo shorts are so out of fashion, but how can they be? Look at all the different great features they have: two normally placed pockets, two side pockets, and two back pockets. That immediately gives me a place to put my phone, wallet, keys, gum, and two other items of my choosing. Like for instance, my contact solution and case so that when that sexy girl approaches me, I can spit my game and stay the night at her place. And I'll conveniently have my contact shit with me all thanks to the side pockets. Do you want to give me any disadvantages to having that many pockets? I didn't think so.
Spandex shorts - Yeah I know. Biking is the single-most homosexual activity you can call a sport. Maybe that and bowling. But imagine the possibilities of wearing these in public. First of all, it compacts your genitals so tightly that it probably shrinks it to infinitesimal sizes. That is a good thing because she will immediately think to herself, "Wow. He has a small wiener." So you take her back to your place, whip it out, and voila! It's actually 2 inches and not the 1 inch she thought. Now she's impressed. Second of all, they are incredibly comfortable. You wouldn't think so the way things are forced in like sardines, but believe me. They are. Third of all, it shows off your great figure. For me personally, it accentuates my ass. Bonus time.
Rainbows - I have to thank my wonderful Jewish roommate for this find. These are called Rainbow flip-flops and their primary purpose is to be the most comfortable flip-flop you've ever worn. I bought myself a pair and not only do I look great, I feel great. And I know it pretty much means that you are a liberal, but that's a price you just have to be willing to pay. Plus it gives your feet the ability to breathe easily, therefore curbing the smell of them. I recommend going out to your local mall and buying a pair at the "Journeyz" or however they spell their name. It'll set you back around $50, but that shouldn't be enough to give up your feet's comfort.
I think if you go to any bar wearing any mashup of the clothes I just presented to you, you will go home lucky that evening. It seems almost like a physical impossibility for any of these to fail. Now that you know how to dress this summer, give me a call and we can go to the bar together, hold hands, and have a grand old time. Maybe if I like you enough, I won't even have to tell you that "I am better than you."
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