5. Battle of the Bods - This show was featured primarily on the Fox Reality Channel. It was an original series and as far as I know was only shown on the aforementioned channel. The whole concept of the show was to put 5 girls in a room together and rank themselves based on their face, tits, and another part of the body. There would be 3 guys in a separate room ranking them and the girls would get money for making the right guesses. It was so incredible because there was always one really ugly girl, one really attractive girl, and three mediocre girls. They all thought they were hot and all ripped each other apart for being bitches. Whoever thought of this was obviously a genius because all women are are pieces of meat and that's how they should be objectified. If they are willing to degrade themselves by going on the show, I can degrade them for being slutty and whorish.
4. America's Next Top Model - The purpose of this show was to put a semi-retarded former model, a flamboyantly gay "fashion" guru, and another former supermodel on a panel to judge women they thought would be the next top model. It's as if the producers of the show spanned the entire U.S. and the world for the most obnoxious, disgusting, vile humans they could find. For some God-awful reason, it has been on for like 14 seasons or something despicable like that. They've never actually found a top model and the closest they came was after season 1 when Adrianne Curry was announced the winner. She went on to star on another piece of shit reality show called "The Surreal Life" and ended up meeting her husband, Peter Brady or whatever the fuck his real name is. But now they are getting divorced and she is completely irrelevant once again. Oh wait, she never was in the first place. A+ for this shitpile.
3. The Amazing Race - This is a scavenger hunt that lasts several weeks. They always have a couple that has a blind/deaf/mute person, two bimbos, former athletes, former couples, married old pieces of shit who just won't die, and siblings. This show has also spanned way too many seasons because it is the exact same show over and over and over again. I took a presentational speaking class in college because it was required for my major. There was a girl in my class who did a speech on the Amazing Race. Or as she put it, The Amazzzzzzzzzingggggggg Race. It was a goal of hers to make it on to the show. Unfortunately for her, she was in one of the ugly sororities at my school and wanted world domination. All you have to do is say that at the audition and your ass is toasted. Can this shit get cancelled already?
2. The Bachelor/Bachelorette - I was really on the fence about this one. I know it makes sense for me to like the one where 25 girls are, but the 25 guys seem to make it a hell of a lot more interesting. You get one somewhat attractive female fawning over all these meathead douchebag losers. All they are trying to do is get into her pants, perform 10-15 seconds of oral sex on her, make her orgasm, and then stick it in. They get maximum exposure because the show is on ABC and they look like real gentlemen. The shows last probably like 4 weeks, yet they all manage to fall in love and get engaged and live happily ever after. Except it's really hard to fall in love with someone in such a short time frame. That's probably why only one couple has managed to stay together after like 20 runs of each show. The 25 women are all usually clingy as fuck and crazy, and the one girl is usually downtrodden because she finished in 2nd on the Bachelor. But hell, it's some of the most entertaining shit you can watch for 2 hours on a Monday. I mean, it's like a trainwreck. You don't want to see dangling body parts, yet you just can't look away.
1. Temptation Island - This concept completely blows my shit. You're in a committed relationship. You've been with your partner for roughly one year and you have yet to hit any bumps in the road. You practically live together and are deeply in love. Fox has an open casting for a television show that sends you to a faraway island where it will be pretty much just you two. But then they throw you a curveball and tell you 3 other couples will be with you. Okay, still not too bad. But here comes the changeup. There are going to be 13 hot as shit men and women surrounding the beaches. The show is called Temptation Island and we want to film you cheating on your partner. Sound good? You better believe your ass it does. What this show proved was that all girls are really sluts. All of them cheat given the "temptation" and show little to no remorse in doing so. You can't say you love your partner after you just cheated on him with 13 other guys simultaneously. Actually, getting gangbanged is probably the opposite of love. I think this show built up guys expectations of what to expect from women because they are practically all the same.
So, are you going to go to Hulu.com and watch all of these shows right now? Oh, you can't because you're at your fucking job? Wait until you get home, post up, and watch as many as you can because they are all fucking great/terrible. I know I'm going to. What am I busy? No. No I am not. Because "I am better than you."
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