Fat Tuesday: Jesus, Junk Food, And Jugs All Rolled Into One

Fat Tuesday, also commonly referred to as Mardi Gras, is a Christian holiday that was first celebrated the day prior to Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. For my intelligent, non-Christian/Catholic readers out there, let me explain the concept of Lent. Lent is the 40-day period in which Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice - his life. It is during this time, Christians are supposed to pray and confess their sins in the preparation of Jesus's resurrection. Somewhere along the line, the idea to add a sacrifice of our own was presented and has stuck to this very day. So Fat Tuesday was the day to eat up all your junk food and all other fatty foods for the fasting and praying associated with Lent. Christianity, you slay me.

Growing up in my super conservative, Catholic household, I loathed Fat Tuesday. I was required to give up something that I loved for 40 days. One year was soda. Another year was soda. I was never stupid enough to give up something that I actually really liked. Why the fudge would I? 40 days without video games as a 10-year-old during the school year is like listening to a Barbra Streisand album on repeat. Giving up on ESPN for more than one day was something I could never do. I guess this alleged Jesus was better than me, but why shouldn't he be? His father was supposedly God. He immediately has a distinct and unfair advantage over me.

Yesterday my mom told me that today is Fat Tuesday. Since I haven't been to church in a solid 8 years, I had no idea. And I know for a fact what her intention was in bringing up such a controversial topic. She wants me to give up something for 40 days. Despite all my protests as a youth and my bashing of Catholicism on a bi-weekly basis, I would assume such a comment would not be made. But when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. (Did you see what I did there?) So I thought for 2.3 seconds about sacrificing something. I decided nothing would suffice.

The only reason I actually considered doing something so silly was because I have two close friends doing some wonderful things right now. One is in Ethiopia in the Peace Corps and the other is teaching English in Turkey. I'm pretty sure that I have a shit ton more material things and necessary things than they both do combined. Maybe I can generate some sympathy in what's left in my heart and do something to show my respect for what they are doing. That's when I woke up.

Mardi Gras has become the embodiment of the American Dream. Everyone goes to New Orleans for Spring Break to get excessively drunk and naked. They give you beads for showing your tits for Christ's sake. Our culture turned something that had some sort of discernible meaning into a complete shitshow that involves sluts getting porked on balconies and showing titties for worthless beads. This is why I choose to not sacrifice anything. It has become a mockery. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be in New Orleans right now doing the above-mentioned things, but I have more important things to do. Like blog, for instance. I hope you learned something important today. That "I am better than you."

***Photo courtesy of http://officejet.files.wo

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