Disney Princesses: Who Would You Penetrate?

I was very fortunate to have an older sister growing up. She got to dress me up like Dorothy, put make-up on me to make me look like a clown, I got to play with her Barbies when she wasn't home, and last but not least, watch all of the Disney princess movies. Those movies were the shit, I don't care what anybody says. From the countless number of times I've seen "The Little Mermaid", "Beauty and the Beast", "The Lion King", "Aladdin" and countless others, nothing can ever compare. So when I went to college and talked to my friends, both male and female, about their favorite princesses, I got overwhelming responses. Now I would like to debate which Disney princess I would most want to have sexes with.

Cinderella - This one is for all the conservative purists out there. I don't wanna hear about how I can't concoct a list without including the greatest Disney princess of them all. Well the truth of the matter is I don't like her frilly blond hair, her adoration of birds, or her dumbass headband. In fact, I don't like Cinderella at all. She is easily the most boring, lame princess of all of them. I only put her on here because I felt like I had to. She brings nothing to the table, so I'm done with her.

Ariel - It really broke my heart to list Ariel at number 4, but sometimes that's the way life goes. By all means I would love to penetrate Ariel, but the problem I see here is, where? Everything below her belly-button is covered by her fin. And yes I saw the movie, and yes I know she becomes a "human" or something. But we're talking about when she was hot. I mean, look at that shell-top bikini. That just screams sex. And that red-hair? Dazzling. I wonder if the curtains match the carpet. Either way, she's pretty awesome.

Jasmine - Another no-brainer. Look at her with those eloquent earrings and sophisticated headband thing. I don't know if it's a tiara, nor do I give a shit really. But yowza! I've seen Aladdin more times than I can count on all of my digits, and it never gets easier to stop lusting over this sweet diddy. It's as if she's wearing those UFO pants that were popular amongst the Hot Topic boys in the late 90s. Except she can pull it off. And her long, beautiful hair is delightful. If you haven't seen Kim Kardashian dressed as Jasmine, I suggest you Google it now.

Belle - A lot of my southern friends liked Belle because they have this "southern belle" complex. At least that's how I diagnosed it. But I can't argue much with them. She's pretty wonderful by every stretch of the imagination. Yellow isn't my favorite color in the world, but she's so pretty that she can wear whatever she wants. That also includes nothing. Bright green eyes, and rose petals in her hair. What are you doing to us Walt? Perfectly shaped red-lips and straight white teeth to go along with it. She exemplifies what I want in a woman. Someone out of my league.

Nala - This one's a no-brainer. Of all the Disney princesses in the history of animated film-making , Nala wins Grand Prize. With a cute as a button nose, and a ferocious tail that could knock me the fuck out, she takes my heart and runs away with it. Another example of Disney melting our hearts with those lush green eyes and perfectly symmetrical eyebrows. All the makings of the Queen of Disney. I think Nala was created when Walt was still alive, but held back until the animation was so technologically advanced, they could present her in all of her true glory. Nala is number 1.

I know you think I'm a sick son-of-a-bitch because I picked an animal as the best Disney princess. And I'm ranking cartoon characters that I would fornicate with. But you're the sick one for actually reading it. And there's nothing wrong with liking animals. I doubt you will disagree with my rankings because they are 100% correct. But if you still find fault with them, give up because "I am better than you."