'Judgment Day' Is On Saturday. I Hope You Plan On Repenting

The big news story going around the US is the prediction of the end of the world come Saturday. Some asshole preacher/deacon/priest/brother from California has proclaimed that the 'Judgment Day' will occur at around 6 P.M. at which time Jesus will descend from the heavens and begin to take the souls of those who truly deserve it. What most people don't understand is that this isn't called 'Judgment Day'. It's actually called the 'Day of Rapture'. The real 'Judgment Day' is set for October 21, 2011. If Jesus doesn't take your soul this weekend, God is going to impose his will and kill you for being a piece of shit. God (no pun intended) I love Christianity.

Thankfully I have a family that uses their noggins more often than not. I'm the only member of my family that doesn't have any Christian beliefs. But even they aren't lame enough to think of this as the end of the world. According to the Bible, not one person on Earth knows when Jesus plans on descending back here. Not even Jesus himself knows, nor does the Holy Spirit. God is the only one who knows when Jesus is coming back. Now, if you believe in the word of the Bible, you should see that no man or woman can predict Jesus' arrival. So why is there a general feeling of panic setting in? Because people are fucking stupid.

This dickcream, Harold Camping, originally predicted Rapture to occur on September 6, 1994. If you live under a rock, you wouldn't know that this prediction is far from being accurate. Instead he claims his math was wrong and went back to the "lab" to find the real date. Since 17 years have passed, he probably assumed most people forgot about his first wrong prediction. But they haven't. That's why the Internet works so well. You can't hide from it. Now he's got people quitting their jobs and selling all of their possessions in hope that Jesus actually comes to them on Saturday. Boy oh boy May 22 is going to be a shitty day for them.

(Yeah, this guy looks like somebody I trust)

The real problem I have with this prediction is that people have been predicting Rapture over the last 150 or so years. There have been wrong predictions of Jesus' arrival in 2000, 1998, 1994, 1988, 1975, 1941, 1925, 1920, 1918, 1915, 1914, and 1844. As we can all attest, each of these predictions have been wrong. So why would this one be correct? It won't be. So let's stop giving this guy unnecessary publicity by believing in his hype. Who does he think he is? That overrated basketball player LeBron James? People will buy into anything.

If we look to the Bible for our answers, we still haven't seen the plague come to fruition. A.I.D.S. isn't good enough for me because it's 100% preventable. SARS and the swine flu came and went like a one night stand. There are no plagues to strike here yet. And no, Obama being voted into office is not a legitimate gripe. He's black, not the devil. The Four Horsemen haven't come yet either. And not Arn Anderson, Ric Flair, Ole Anderson, and Tully Blanchard (wrestling reference). There are too many inaccuracies in this prediction, just like every other one.

But if in fact the world was coming to a close, would you want to know? I guess it would give you the time to be with the people you love most and to spend the rest of your days with them. But for me personally, I don't think it's something I would ever want to find out. It falsifies the way you live your life because you're living to die not living to live. So when May 22 rolls around and I still haven't met that fake guy Jesus, I will continue to live my life the way it was intended. Care-free, worry-free and ultimately screaming "I am better than you."