Marijuana: America's Seemingly Favorite Plant

If I gave you one million dollars to name 25 of the 50 State Flowers, could you do it? I doubt it seriously. The reason I doubt it? Because unless you're a botanist or stegosaurus, you don't give a shit about plants. But I know of one plant that most Americans as well as humans around the globe do know about. That plant is cannabis, most commonly referred to as marijuana. There are way too many other names that it goes by so I'll leave Ali G to give you all the fun names. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdmuVS7O6FY...skip to about 4:23 or watch the whole thing) Since this isn't history class I'll only tell you that its use goes back as far as the 3rd millenium BC. Whoa that's a long time.

For most people growing up, they aren't made aware of marijuana until they reach high school. At least that's how it was for me. And since I'm too much of a pussy, I never tried it either. But I was friends with some kids who smoked "pot" and they were decent individuals. But as a child I was always taught that marijuana is a "gateway drug", one that opens the gates for more intense drug use down the road. That's why I always played sports. My mom wanted to keep me as far away from the streets as she could. Looks like it worked because I haven't touched it. Plus, it's illegal.

Then I went to college. College is fun. You get to hook up with girls, drink until your liver implodes, experiment with friends, and justify using recreational drugs. Your parents aren't around to tell you what to do and you cross that boundary of making your own decisions. Well I decided to yet again not smoke it. That doesn't mean I didn't like the people who did. Some of my closest friends that I made in college liked smoking the reefer on very non-monumental occasions. I was oblivious and didn't know what 4/20 was. As far as I knew, it was the 20th of April. But it's like pot-smoking day or something. Whatever.

And who woulda thunk that a majority of people I know parents still smoke to this day! All of our parents are typically around the same age, between 50-65. So that means they were very alive for Woodstock. That was when drug use was somewhat okay and hippies shot out of the woodwork. Tie-dye and all that other horrendous shit that people still think is cool today. Even the Beatles did some drugs, evidenced by their album Revolver amongst others. So once upon a time drug use was cool. That's why it makes sense that we're all a little off the rocker. We're like drug babies or something.

In spite of my disinterest in marijuana, I think it should be made legal. With the whirlpool of shit our economy is in right now, it just might be the jumpstart we need. California got the ball rolling by legalizing it and look at them. A financial juggernaut. But, not really. I think with a little bit of tweaking we can make this work. We can set up stands on street corners, or get the ends of long buildings and supply the stuff out of there. Maybe we can even get the prostitutes involved somehow in a two-for-one deal. But that's for another blog post. Take out your blunts and smoke it up because "I am better than you."

Nickelodeon Cartoons Are Coming Back In A Big Way. Much Like Handjobs

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The Greatest Movie Sequels/Trilogies On Planet Earth

Today I learned that one of my favorite movies of all-time was getting a sequel come 2012. And no it's not "Men In Black III". This particular movie features the voices of Billy Crystal and John Goodman. An animated film produced by the greatest in the world, Pixar. Monsters Inc. 2. Boom! I nearly dropped a tear or twelve at the prospect of another one of these films. First of all, Boo is the cutest kid in any movie ever made, ever. And she's not even a real person. What does that tell you? Plus, the story was incredible and I was invested in it emotionally. I already bought my ticket so va-va-voom. I did not just come out of the closet, so if you will, please continue reading. So now I'm going to talk about the best movie sequels/trilogies in no particular order because I'm just so thrilled.

Scream - The last time I went to the movies I saw a poster for Scre4m (Scream 4). I jizzed in my pants. When I was growing up, the Scream trilogy was easily my favorite horror movie franchise. Like I mentioned previously, I was in love with Neve Campbell. Yeah, whatever. But the writing was great. The thrills were real. Plus, who wouldn't like a movie that featured Courtney Cox and David Arquette? Not this guy, that's for sure. So on April 15, 2011, I will be in the movie theatre with my popcorn, extra butter, enjoying the next great piece in film history.

Bourne - I have a penis, so I liked the Bourne trilogy. You have to be some sort of asshole if you don't like Matt Damon. His work alone in "Good Will Hunting" made me a fan of his forever. But the movies in themselves were very complex, well-written, strong cinematography, and edited to perfection. The action was incredible if you were too dull to understand the dialogue and sort of edge-of-your-seat entertainment throughout. The only downfall of the trilogy was the lack of eye candy. Julia Stiles was attractive never and neither were the other no-name actresses.

Home Alone - Macaulay Culkin. Need I say more? This kid was banging Mila Kunis for like 8 years and nobody knew about it. If that wasn't the best booby trap he ever plotted, I don't know what is. This is completely unrelated, but did you see the third installment? Holy shit, it was phenomenal. All jokes aside, the first two movies were excellent films. And they both have that Christmas feel to them. Perhaps because they both take place during that time, despite the lack of mentioning it. Home Alone 2 is one of those movies that rates strongly with the original, therefore it must be on this list.

Rocky - Apollo Creed, Ivan Drago, Tommy Gunn, Mason "The Line" Dixon. Only Sly Stallone could create such incredible characters in that 5'4'' brain of his. The Rocky movies epitomized what is wrong with Philadelphia. The people are trash, the sports teams are trash, and they are very poorly educated. Roll it into a big ball and out shoots Rocky Balboa. I love the movies. No matter how incredulous they were, they still made you feel good inside, and that's what it's all about, ain't it? (Sorry Philadelphia. I'll be sure to be kinder when I parade in your streets come Saturday.)

Terminator - Just because Arnold is a fuckin' beast.

And there you have it. The best movie sequels/trilogies ever created. Sorry Pot Roast, The Lord of the Rings didn't make the cut because those movies made me want to kill myself. There are some that just missed the cut because I didn't feel like writing anymore. I only picked the best of the best and I know you agree with me because you know that, "I am better than you."

If I Was Invisible I Would Just Watch You In Your Room. Relax Clay

If I had a dollar for every time I've had a conversation about what superpower I would want if I could have any, I would have enough money to fill up a tank of gas. Throughout my supreme life, whether it be at the Boys & Girls Club, grammar school, high school, college, at home, with friends, or even with strangers at bars, I've talked about superpowers. Why? Because superpowers are pretty fuckin' cool. You get to do shit that nobody else could. Imagine being able to fly anywhere you want, without the courtesy of a private jet. Or steal all the money in the Federal Reserve. That would be so cool. So today, I've taken the liberty of jotting down some superpowers that would be neat to have and rank them in my order of preference.

5.) Super strength - I don't necessarily see this as a superpower. I went to high school with some pretty buff kids who could kick the shit out of me without even really trying. And that goes for a lot of other guys and girls that I know. There's only so much you can actually do with being really strong, so I think I'll have to pass up on this one. All that super strength can get you is a job at the circus throwing cars or bending metal or some stupid shit like that. Next.

4.) Underwater breathing - This should be higher, but I really like what's ahead. It has always been my dream to see what the bottom of the ocean looks like. Unfortunately, that is never going to happen ever. Even if I could breathe underwater, I'd only be able to go so far. Then my body would explode from all the intense pressures. Plus, I wouldn't be able to make it very far without some sort of octopus or shark eating me. Next.

3.) Mind-reading - Bam! How fuckin' cool would this be? You would technically be the smartest person in the world. You would know the answer to every question that somebody asks you, unless of course they don't know the answer. That would suck. But still, telling people what they want to hear is easily the gift that keeps on giving. You would be insatiable to women and know what your doing sexually all the time. That's what I learned from "What Women Want". Great film. Next.

2.) Flying - This was hard for me to rank second. Everything about being able to fly would be badass. You could go anywhere in the world any time you want. Mt. Everest? Be there in 3 minutes. Vietnamese jungles? There in a jiffy. Plus, you can fly up to the clouds and see if angels actually play harps on them. I'm still pretty convinced they do. And you never have to worry about perverts at the airport touching your penis and asshole ever again. That reason alone is fabulous. But not enough. Next.

1.) Invisibility - You know you want to be invisible when Clay Aiken sings a song about it and how he wants to watch you in your room. No one at the time seemed to care that those were the creepiest lyrics ever written. Ever. Now he's on Broadway in Rent! or some shit, irrelevant to society. However, being invisible would be really cool. You could go into famous celebrities houses and look at them naked, steal money from banks, or do anything that you ever really wanted to do. I was inspired after seeing Hollow Man. How Kevin Bacon didn't win a Best Actor Oscar for that performance still blows my mind. Without a doubt, the greatest love story ever told. Being invisible would be incredible. It would definitely be much cooler than beating people up, or swimming, or flying. Winner!

So as you can see, I put a lot of thought into this. I spent countless hours and too many breaths arguing with people on why my list was better than theirs. I would love to hear what kinds of superpowers you would like. Write some comments. Send me some texts. Message me on Facebook. Tweet at me. Call me on the phone. Pick me up from my house. Send me a letter in the mail. Send me a letter in the electronic mail. Write on my wall. Chat me on Facebook. Just so I know that, "I am better than you."

Wine, Pretzels, Friends And The Nobel Prize

Today I had a very long, lengthy conversation with a friend. We talked for nearly 2 hours. But we didn't talk about anything relevant to our lives. Okay maybe a little bit relevant, but not particularly. And aren't these the kinds of conversations that determine what a true friendship is? How many people can you honestly think of that you talked to steadily for a long time without many meaningful words being spoken? These people you come across in life are few and far between. So when you do find them, you should probably keep them around because they seem to be good people. And that's what I plan on doing.

I never drink wine. I have never gotten intoxicated from drinking wine. But I have drank wine. Red wine and white wine. Something about it offends me. It's typically bitter and sweet. But not bittersweet. I'm sure 99% of those reading this have tasted wine before. Maybe you are Italian and drink it on your Sunday lunch/dinner. Maybe you went to France and drank some exquisite wines like the pompous asshole you are. Or you went to Napa Valley and guzzled down some fermented grapes. Either way, wine tastes like shit. Unless of course it involves a Tour de Franzia. A classic case of binge drinking. Finish the box of win before your opponent to win!

Pretzels are a delicious snack. I can eat pretzels all day every day until my molars are filled with its remnants. I like salty pretzels, Goldfish pretzels, SuperPretzels, and chocolate-covered pretzels. M&M's Pretzels and that's all. Honey Wheat pretzels are disgusting and a travesty bestowed upon the American public. If you like Honey Wheat flavored pretzels, I no longer like you. And what's the deal with Butter Snaps? I really like butter. On bread, popcorn, or my hair, you name it I like it. But on packaged pretzels? No way Jose. Lather some up and dump it on a SuperPretzel and I'm all for it. But please don't ruin my cold pretzel with fake-flavored butter.

I really miss my friends. Sometimes I tell them I hate them and that I don't miss them because I don't want them to see how weak I am. The hardest part of college isn't leaving behind the academics and the stress and the assholes on campus who are smarter than you. The hardest part of college is missing coming home to your friends laying in bed playing Tetris or watching Tourette's Guy videos on YouTube. Wishing that somebody was around to talk to and hang out with or maybe even watch the Food Channel with. Saddle up and play Gears of War for a solid hour or two. You don't get any of that when you live at home. And it sucks. That's why I miss my friends. But don't tell them I said so.

How do I go about being nominated for a Nobel Prize? I know they have categories for Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Peace and most importantly Literature. Can someone who knows some laureates get them to nominate me for this accredited literature I produce on a daily basis? Is it too much to ask? Did you know that people who win the Nobel Prize receive a gold medal and a million dollars or so? Chances are if you're winning a Nobel Prize, money is not an issue for you. They should donate to the Human Fund or something. That's what I'm not going to do when you all help me achieve that goal.

See how easy it is to get wrapped up in all the hodgepodge? Don't you feel that much closer to me now than you did 3 minutes ago? I tend to have that effect on people. I've been told on numerous occasions that when people read the blog, they can hear my voice through the words. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I guess it evokes some kind of emotion in you. To my amigo (Spanish for "friend") that talked to me for 2 hours, who I was a piece of shit to at times, thanks for still being my friend. I appreciate your loyalty and ingenuinity. I feel like I'm growing up. Not enough to stop me from saying, "I am better than you."

Fat Tuesday: Jesus, Junk Food, And Jugs All Rolled Into One

Fat Tuesday, also commonly referred to as Mardi Gras, is a Christian holiday that was first celebrated the day prior to Ash Wednesday, the beginning of Lent. For my intelligent, non-Christian/Catholic readers out there, let me explain the concept of Lent. Lent is the 40-day period in which Jesus made the ultimate sacrifice - his life. It is during this time, Christians are supposed to pray and confess their sins in the preparation of Jesus's resurrection. Somewhere along the line, the idea to add a sacrifice of our own was presented and has stuck to this very day. So Fat Tuesday was the day to eat up all your junk food and all other fatty foods for the fasting and praying associated with Lent. Christianity, you slay me.

Growing up in my super conservative, Catholic household, I loathed Fat Tuesday. I was required to give up something that I loved for 40 days. One year was soda. Another year was soda. I was never stupid enough to give up something that I actually really liked. Why the fudge would I? 40 days without video games as a 10-year-old during the school year is like listening to a Barbra Streisand album on repeat. Giving up on ESPN for more than one day was something I could never do. I guess this alleged Jesus was better than me, but why shouldn't he be? His father was supposedly God. He immediately has a distinct and unfair advantage over me.

Yesterday my mom told me that today is Fat Tuesday. Since I haven't been to church in a solid 8 years, I had no idea. And I know for a fact what her intention was in bringing up such a controversial topic. She wants me to give up something for 40 days. Despite all my protests as a youth and my bashing of Catholicism on a bi-weekly basis, I would assume such a comment would not be made. But when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. (Did you see what I did there?) So I thought for 2.3 seconds about sacrificing something. I decided nothing would suffice.

The only reason I actually considered doing something so silly was because I have two close friends doing some wonderful things right now. One is in Ethiopia in the Peace Corps and the other is teaching English in Turkey. I'm pretty sure that I have a shit ton more material things and necessary things than they both do combined. Maybe I can generate some sympathy in what's left in my heart and do something to show my respect for what they are doing. That's when I woke up.

Mardi Gras has become the embodiment of the American Dream. Everyone goes to New Orleans for Spring Break to get excessively drunk and naked. They give you beads for showing your tits for Christ's sake. Our culture turned something that had some sort of discernible meaning into a complete shitshow that involves sluts getting porked on balconies and showing titties for worthless beads. This is why I choose to not sacrifice anything. It has become a mockery. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be in New Orleans right now doing the above-mentioned things, but I have more important things to do. Like blog, for instance. I hope you learned something important today. That "I am better than you."

***Photo courtesy of http://officejet.files.wo

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First Impression Mike Strikes Again!

I have a talent. A real genuine talent that very few others can claim. I have the distinction of making very memorable first impressions. People rarely forget who I am after they meet me, and some would contest that that's a beautiful thing. Those who are contesting have obviously never met "First Impression Mike". You can say that in your life, you only have one chance to make a first impression with somebody. Once they already know you it's too late. Knowing this, I have made the worst first impressions in the history of mankind. Ask my college roommates/friends that have the distinction of calling me First Impression Mike about it. I'm sure they can tell you many unflattering things, not because I make good ones, but in fact the complete opposite.

I never quite made the connection until they started calling me that. I either make a really offensive, non-funny joke, say something completely uncalled for and vulgar, ridicule them for being far more inferior to me, or a combination of all of the above. And my reasoning for such first impressions was because I wanted to test the waters with these people I was just meeting. How would they handle me telling them that they look like a fucking moron? That I don't care what they do for a living, I'm just trying to make bullshit conversation? That I don't care if their daughter gets raped? Or just talking openly about some of my sexual exploits, none of which involve penetration because I'm still waiting for the right girl. (Really, no one is willing to take the card.) This is how I based my pending friendship with them.

But yesterday was different. March 5, 2011 was a unique day in the history of First Impression Mike. For the first time since I can remember, I didn't fuck up. I met someone and I didn't fuck it up. At this stage in my life, being a 22-year-old single male with great looks and a great personality, when I go out I should be approaching girls and trying to get into their pants. But instead, I started talking to a guy about my life. (No, I'm not for the gays) Nice guy who was learning the very basic ins-and-outs of a very wonderful human, me. Next thing you know, my work situation comes up. Since I'm unemployed I begin to explain how I hate my life. He shoots back at me with a business card and tells me to send him my resume so he could, in turn, send it to some people he knows. Things are looking up.

Now before you get creeped out, he wasn't just some rando. He's friends with my sister-ish and she apparently put in the good word prior to our meeting. Was he aware of my true identity? I doubt it seriously. I mean, it's not like we look alike or anything. But regardless, I easily could have fucked up that encounter. All it would take would be for me to say something stupid, like "Who's dick did you suck to get your job?" But I refrained. I used a social filter. Why? Beats me. But I can remember not even thinking such vulgar, asinine comments in my brain. Am I finally growing up? Anything is possibleeee.

So for the first time in a long while, I have something to look forward to. Nothing was promised to me, but the idea that somebody is going to attempt to help me out is a step in the right direction. I'm beginning to think that I should act more appropriately when I first meet people because it might turn out that they like me and might try to help me with different problems I might be having. I went from being the Zagat rated #1 Worst First Impressionist in 2008, to a respectable human that could hold a normal conversation. Blue skies might be flying over my horizon real soon, and for that I must say "I am better than you."

St. Patrick's Day Has Come Early. Why America Drinks For No Reason

March 17 is a "national" holiday. I say "national" because people still have work on it, but it's considered to be something that everyone celebrates in some regard. It is on this day that we all become Irish. Looking back at what I was taught growing up, St. Patrick's Day was a day to celebrate an Irishmen who lifted the boundaries on the Catholic teaching and became an icon of sorts. So we celebrate in America because we are all Catholic? No, I'm mistaken. We celebrate it because we are all Irish. Nope, that doesn't sound right either. The real reason we celebrate it is because Americans are alcoholics and find it necessary to get hammered for no real reason.

Think about it. There appears to be one day in every month that we find a reason to get fucked up. In January, we have Martin Luther King Jr. Day, February has the Super Bowl, March has St. Patty's, April has my birthday, May has Cinco de Mayo (Mexican Independence), June has Flag Day, July has Independence Day, August has the end of summer day somewhere in there, September has Labor Day, October has Halloween, November has Thanksgiving, and December has Christmas or Hanukkah. There you have it. A run-down of all the reasons we find to drink as a country. Why?

Alcoholism. Mitch Hedburg once said, "Alcoholism is the only disease you can get yelled at for having." But let's be honest with ourselves. Deep down we are all a little bit alcoholics. Who's to say that a glass of wine or 2 with dinner is wrong? Or watching Legends of the Hidden Temple and having a drink every time Kirk Fogg touches a kid. It's okay to have a drinking problem, as long as you don't drive or beat the shit out of your partner, Chris Brown. Life presents some very difficult challenges and stresses, and sometimes the only way to alleviate it is with a drink. But you shouldn't get carried away.

Beerfest is a film that celebrates the kookiness and spontaneity of drinking. Games and chugging contests. What isn't fun about drinking? Nothing. Everything is fun. You get to make excuses for making out with ugly people or doing worse things. You get to throw up and/or dry-heave for a solid 5-10 minute ab workout. Heck, you can even find a reason to sleep-in the whole next day. Of course we find days to drink. Everything about it is great. Everything that is but the almighty hangover. How some freakshows never end up with one is beyond me, but maybe, just maybe one day, I'll figure out the mystery to end the hangover. It's more important than world hunger, in my opinion.

This weekend is going to be a real special one for me. I'm going to see some friends from college for the first time since I left their beautiful faces in May. Sometimes it's hard for me to imagine that it was that long ago. But time flies when you're unemployed and living at home. So I would like to take this time to thank Mr. St. Patrick for finding three-leaf-clovers and keeping the tradition of Catholicism alive and prevalent. Because without you Patty, us Americans would have to find another reason to get tanked. But I won't need another reason to tell you, "I am better than you."

***Photo courtesy of http://unrealitymag.com/wpcon

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What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up? I Wanted To Pump Gas

It's amazing at how much your imagination wanders when you're a little shit. Almost like you feel anything is possibleeeeeee (Kevin Garnett - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zyjOy7fRzs0). My mom would always tell me "Dream big Mike". I'm lying. She never told me that. But still, you feel like the world is your oyster and with it you can do anything. See when I was growing up I had a lot of dreams of what I wanted to be when I was an adult. Actually, my first dream job was to be a gas pumper. For those of you not from New Jersey or Oregon, these are the people who fill up your tank when you're at the gas station. They always had this huge wad of cash with them and I thought they got to keep it. Lo and behold, that money isn't theirs. Dream crushed.

After I figured that out at the age of 18, I needed some new dreams and new ambitions. Another one of my dream jobs was to be a detective. When I was in grammar school, our library had 100 books. 12 of those books happened to be Encyclopedia Brown books. By far the most kickass detective in the history of storytelling and real life. He makes Robert Downey Jr.'s interpretation of Sherlock Holmes look like a shit-stained pair of tighty whiteys. That's a very disgusting image. But that led me wanting to be the first Almanac Gray. Never happened. Dream crushed.

I became an advocate of one the best sitcoms written during the last 10 years. Scrubs, a simple concept of a show that exhibited the highlights and lowlights of being a medical doctor. On one hand, you meet all these great people who inspire you and make you strive to be a better person. And then on the other, you meet some people content with calling it a life. Like almost all jobs, it has it's ups-and-downs, but something I wanted to pursue. Turns out you have to major in science or some shit and then go to graduate school and then do a residency at a hospital or something. $300,000 later you are now a doctor. Dream crushed.

Lately, I got into Californication. An excuse for a show that showcases attractive women with their tops off. I really like the show. The main character is an asshole, has sex with beautiful women, tussles with his baby mama, and drinks all his sorrows away. Now I want to be a writer. Do I have the qualifications? A degree in Communication Studies doesn't sound like it. Am I a decent writer? You would have to be the judge of that. I find this blog to be moderately offensive and garbled with a bunch of meaningless text. But if you are reading it, it must not be so terrible. Becoming an author takes a lot of time, talent, and luck. None of which I have. Dream crushed.

So what is it that I want to be when I grow up? I have no fucking idea. As I sit typing away in my bed, I think about what it is that will truly make me happy. But no time spent is enough to give me an answer. I don't know what makes me happy anymore. I don't know what it is that I want to do with the rest of my life. I know for sure what I don't want to do. And that's live in New Jersey for all of eternity. I'm thinking of inventing a t-shirt with a built-in fan. Or an air conditioner that can fit inside my pillow to ensure that it is always cold. Either way, growing up sucks. At least I know that, "I am better than you."

Glasses: A Girl's Best Friend After She Becomes A Consenting Adult

When I was in the third grade, I began having problems with my eyes. I was doing a lot of squinting at the blackboard, even though it's green, and a lot of squinting at the television when I was at home. This resulted in my first appointment at the eye doctor and the eventual prescription of glasses. A new nickname had been born. Four eyes. Yep, even the greatest of them all have been ridiculed at some point in time in their life. Luckily for me, I have not been made fun of once since that disgraceful time period. Indubitably since circa 97, glasses have become much more than a tool to make fun of someone. They have become a sex symbol.

I don't like reading books. Since my inception in 1988, I have read a grand total of approximately 30 books. That might be a generous number, or I might have low-balled it a little bit. Either way, reading is not for me. So fortunately I have you readers to thank because without you, these would just be words on a page. But I digress. Have you ever watched a porno movie? Maybe a clip on a popular pornographic website? I know all the males reading this have. And probably some of the perverted girls too. I know girls like porn. All guys know it. And nothing is as great as looking at a sexy librarian.

What makes the librarian sexy, you ask? Is it her short skirt and long hair? Is it her size 36 DD breasts? Or is it the fact that she is wearing glasses? The answer shouldn't surprise you because I know for a fact that it's her glasses. Girls who wear glasses that are above the age of 18 generate a level of sexiness that can only be found in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Glasses provide the female figure with a sense of innocence and naivety. Sure, she might be cute without them, but those glasses put her in another level. Truer words have never been spoken.

When I was in college I met a lot of great girls who were smart and liked to party. Conveniently, most of them had shitty eyesight. Which means I had the privilege of creepily staring at them while they "studied" with their glasses on. And I would bet my lifesavings of $150.43 that they were harassed in grammar school. Now those same assholes who picked on them and mutilated their self-esteem are regretting it now big time. All of a sudden these girls who were so vile and repugnant and looked like Harriet the Spy, are getting hit on at an exponential rate. They seemingly went from a 4 to a solid 8 and 1/2. I fell in love with all of them at some point in time because they all looked so ferocious and delightful. So now you girls know.

What makes a slutty doctor look good? What about a slutty librarian? Or even a slutty teacher? There's a theme that I'm trying to get you to pick up on. Did you get it? Glasses, you silly fucks. They all look remarkable in glasses. If you are in the luxury of your own home/apartment/cubicle go ahead and google "girls with glasses" and mystify yourself with the results. Every chick looks great in glasses. Remember one of my first posts about Jane Krakowski and Tina Fey? Why do people find her attractive (Fey)? Her humor or her glasses? Checkmate. So in the near future when you have boys as children, remind them not to tease girls with glasses because they will turn out to look hot as shit. I did but, "I am better than you."

P.S. See what I mean

***Photo courtesy of http://xaxor.com/images/9856325

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