If You Don't Vaccinate Your Child, I Don't Give A Shit. And You Shouldn't Either

There's a lot being said in the media right now or there was regarding vaccinating our children against deadly diseases. Since there was an outbreak of measles in California, specifically Disneyland, there are a reported 131 confirmed cases of measles in the state. I've read both sides of the argument (vaccinating/not vaccinating) and I'll clearly share my position over the course of the post. Actually, I'll share it right now. I think parents have the right to choose whether or not to vaccinate their child. Why? Because it's their child. Not mine. Not yours. Not America's. But Great One, what about the spread of diseases and the possibility of death? We're going down a slippery slope.

I failed one class in all of my life. Just one. Philosophy, in my second semester of my freshman year. It was a MWF class at 2:30. Attendance was not required. Guess how many Friday classes I attended? I think the answer is less than zero. What does this have to do with vaccinations you may be asking yourself? I learned about the slippery slope fallacy in that class. Probably the only thing I learned from that dickhead Dr. Hutchens. What an asshole he was. But I digress. A slippery slope is simply defined as when a person asserts that some event must inevitably follow from another without any rational argument or demonstrable mechanism for the inevitability of the event in question.

America forcing our children or all people to be vaccinated is a slippery slope. Yeah I'm sure these vaccinations have prevented numerous outbreaks of deadly diseases. And I'm sure it's probably the right thing to do. But I can't ever imagine forcing someone to get a vaccination is the right way to go about things. And I'm not sure banning anti-vaxxers from attending public school is a good option either. "How stupid can you be? This could be a matter of life and death. I don't want my son/daughter to potentially be exposed to these diseases." That was me making up a quote from what I'd consider a concerned parent. If we're all forced to be vaccinated, then what will we all be forced to do next? Getting microchips implanted? Watch the entire State of the Union address? Eat vegetables for dinner? When does the madness end??

If you're a such a great parent and are worried about your child, then get them vaccinated. If little Timmy is vaccinated against measles or polio or rubella, it shouldn't matter if little Johnny isn't. If or when little Johnny dies, then the parents will have to live with that decision for the rest of their lives, all while your kid is in the clear. I've seen comparisons and comics ridiculing those who are anti-vax. Claiming that these are the same parents that would make a fuss if their child is severely allergic to peanuts and another student brings them in for lunch because they should be considerate of their child's condition. Just like they should be considerate of other children by ensuring their kid is all up to date with his vaxx. I don't see how they correlate. There is no vaccination for a peanut allergy, at least as far as I'm concerned. We should be concerned for kids regardless of the issue.

I thought we were a nation clamoring for acceptance. We're pushing diligently for equal rights for gays, but want to punish people who don't vaccinate their child. It's their fucking child! Who are you to judge them for it? This also reminds me of a story I saw recently regarding Steve Jobs. If you live under a rock, Jobs was the head honcho of Apple. Created the iPhone you use to Facetime with your S/O. The iPad you don't use because laptops are superior. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in its early stages. The doctors recommended he get surgery and do chemo as it provided him the best chance to survive. Jobs decided to go the alternative route. He used some herbs, drank some tea, ate fruit and shit. And as we all know, Jobs is dead. Heroes of the internet have the audacity to call him a moron! A moron! The man who was more successful and accomplished than any one of them will ever be. And it's because he didn't get surgery and do chemo. 

I didn't know that treating cancer with chemo was the only tried and true method. As far as I know, people still die. "But why wouldn't you try the most effective method to treat it? Why risk it for an alternative that has NEVER showed any positive results on a consistent basis?" That's another made up quote. My response? Who gives a fuck? It's his life and it was his decision. There's no guarantee he would have survived either way. But my point is, it was his decision and his alone. I'm not going to fault the guy, I'm not going to criticize him. He tried something and failed. Life goes on. I think it's a mistake to ridicule those for not following the sheep.

My whole point whether you think people are dumb or not for choosing not to vaccinate their child, that decision is entirely theirs to make. Being vaccinated might save their life or maybe it might give them autism, at least according to Jenny McCarthy. I think our acceptance of people and their decisions has changed since I was a kid. Everybody has to act a certain way. Look a certain way. Get vaccinations like everyone else. Nobody wants to be an individual anymore. Nobody wants to march to the beat of their own drum. Instead they are coerced to get vaccinations by the media for made up diseases like H1N1. Remember that bullshit for like 2 weeks? If you want to get your kid vaccinated, go for it. If you don't, don't. But don't force my hand either way. I'll just end up saying I am better than you.

Veganism: The Key To Living A Happy And Healthy Lifestyle

It's been nearly 6 months since I last wrote a post and I figure now is as good a time as ever to write another one. Lots and lots of thoughts have been circulating in my brain during this timeframe, but none worth putting into writing. That is until today. They say that when you're going through a lot, it's best to write it down. It's easier to write than say out loud or some bullshit like that. Well, I want to do my part. I want to help those who might be going through some shit right now as well. I dedicate this post to something that currently is the key to helping me live a happy and healthy lifestyle. Strap on your strap-ons because shit's about to get fucked.

Veganism. If you can recall any of my rants last year, mostly all of them had to do with being a liberal to some degree. Voting for Obama under several different aliases, going to summer camp, buying Apple products, etc. Unfortunately for me, things have changed. I purchased an iPhone because I can afford it. I worked at a summer camp for the second consecutive year (who would let me around children?). I'm still not voting for Obama. But something new has been instilled in me. Becoming a vegan.

It's changed my life. It's great not eating any animals. Fish, poultry, beef. They're all terrible for you, but more importantly, it's cruel to animals. But I want to take it one step further. Let's not eat anything that's ever been alive. That includes vegetables, fruits, other shit that grows in the ground, you name it. I don't want to be cruel or vicious to anything that's ever been alive. I've thought of a great name for this new idealogy. We can call it...RETARDATION. Fuck you. I'll eat what I want, when I want it. Being a vegan is pretty much being a virgin, except worse.

I just read some bullshit article about some has-been actress named Anjelica Huston crying about the upcoming CareerBuilder.com Super Bowl commercial. The commercial features infant monkeys that are fully trained doing menial tasks in the workplace. It's supposed to be funny because there are humans in the ad too and they get frustrated working with these monkeys (dumbasses). So the point of the commercial is to use careerbuilder to find a different job where you can work with people who are smarter than monkeys. Makes sense, right?

I thought so, but what about this buffoon? No, that isn't a picture of one of the monkeys. That's Anjelica Huston. She's been in about zero good movies and looks menacing. I wouldn't have sex with her if you gave me $30. She went on this whole rant about the working conditions on the set of this commercial. Ripping these infant monkeys away from their mothers in captivity just so we can use them to film a "funny" television commercial. It's cruel and inhumane and no one is laughing about it. A quote from Ms. Huston, “Innovative companies use animatronics or computer-generated imagery. … These chimpanzees are set to endure a lifetime of abuse for your 30-second spot—a point that no thinking person will find funny in the least.” It isn't innovative is they all do it, is it now Anjelica?

She's like an unpaid spokeswoman for PETA. The same people who do things like this:

I mean I can respect people who choose to go the vegetarian route, heck even being a vegan. But don't shove it down my fucking throat and give off the impression that you're better than me or some shit. Because that shit won't fly. Not here. Not anywhere. Maybe I like my mink coat and my tiger carpet. But it's my prerogative (Britney Spears insert). As you can see, not much has changed with me and by not much I mean nothing at all. I plan on continuing to write because for some odd reason, I've gotten more viewers to look at the blog when I wasn't writing than when I was. My only guess? "I am better than you."

Google+ Can Shove Their Lack Of An Invite To Me Up Their Ass

The new craze in life the past couple of weeks has been Google+. G+ is a social media site that lets you network with other real people and do the same exact shit as Facebook. Everyone on my Facebook and Twitter is blowing it up describing how cool it is. For some reason I would say a majority of them are full of shit. Not in describing it's coolness, but the idea that they actually have an account. When I logged onto the website it described in vivid detail about needing to have been invited and how it was in the trial stages and that soon everyone would be open to joining it. So not all of you were lucky enough to get the invite. I'm sure of it. But anyway Google, I don't want to join your stupid social media site anyway. So take that.

Remember back in like 2004-2005 when this social media site was created called "MySpace?" And with this website you would create your own space (clever) with glitz and glamour and music playing in the background. And then people would add you and then you could write shit on their page and have some quality back and forth. I remember thinking it was the dumbest piece of shit idea I had ever seen. I was in a computer class in high school and all the kids were sitting there on MySpace writing on each other's pages. I'm not quite sure they realized that they were sitting next to each other and could talk just as effectively, if not better. I never had a MySpace.

And then by time my senior year rolled around some craze called Facebook had taken the reins and was apparently the coolest thing ever. Facebook was pretty much the exact same thing as MySpace, but featured less customization on your profile page, a shit-ton more pictures, and a network that allowed you the ability to connect with some of your college classmates before you even got to college. I have to admit, I was pretty damn excited when I got my college email address because that finally meant that I would be able to sign up for it. And in the old days of Facebook, you were allowed to stalk people who were in your network and look at their pictures and see how many people were writing on their wall. And then it took a turn for the worse.

Facebook started adding privacy settings and newsfeeds and other dumb things. It was slowly, but surely becoming more and more like MySpace. The only thing that still separated it was the inability to add color schemes and blasting shitty techno music on your profile. But all the other little doodads were available. And since that time, MySpace has fallen off the face of the earth. It was sold a bunch of years ago for something like $400 million and Justin Timberlake just recently bought it for $20 million or so. So in just a few short years MySpace became obsolete. The only thing I see that it has going for them is that it's a good place for new and up-and-coming musicians to try and get some sort of following. That's all.

I think I see Facebook falling down that same path in just a few short years. I understand that Facebook is much bigger than MySpace could have ever dreamed, but when new startups are coming out almost every single week or month or year, it's going to be tough to keep on top. Look at Microsoft. From the early 80s to 2007, it was the premiere computer company. It reigned supreme by such a wide margin, that antitrust and monopolization lawsuits were thrown at them on a seemingly daily basis. Now Apple is the shit. Microsoft is losing more money than it ever would have imagined. Every empire must eventually fall. And in due time, Facebook will go down. Maybe to Google+.

But what bothers me about the whole thing is that they released it in a trial basis. If you are gauging to see what the interest level will be, go all in or not at all. I hate people and ideas that take babysteps. Shit or get off the pot. And don't tell me that I don't have the privilege of signing up yet. And that it's by invite only. That's some real bullshittttttttt. And I'm not just bitter and angry. I just want to have the same opportunities as everyone else. Why did Google make them the chosen few and not me? Don't they know that "I am better than you."

Apple Was Named The World's Most Valuable Brand. Time To Move Out Of Liberal Earth

It's a really good thing I believe in extraterrestrial life because I think it's about time that I get the hell off of this planet. Today it was announced at the "I Could Give Two Shits Less About Liberals" press conference that Apple has become the world's most valuable brand. It surpassed the likes of Google, IBM, McDonald's, and Microsoft. Well, bravo Mr. Steve Jobs. You finally set out and accomplished your lifelong goal of turning conservative America into a haven for pompous liberals. You are, essentially, the living version of "The Brain".

(The similarities are uncanny)

It all started for me way back in high school. iPods became the cool, new trendy gadget to own and if you didn't own an iPod mini, you didn't have any friends. So instead of being my own unique person, I followed the trail set before me and got an iPod mini for Christmas. It was silver and a mighty piece of shit. Not only did the battery last for no longer than 45 minutes, it was only 4 gb. For those of you reading who don't know anything about technology, that's miniscule. It got me about 1,000 songs to listen to. Big whoopty do.

(Great color scheme)

Then I made it to college and my very Jewish and liberal friend owned a MacBook Pro. As if the standard issue Dell or HP wasn't good enough, he went out of his way to purchase a Macbook. Who do you think you are? Better than all your suitemates with your fancy, silver gloss laptop and remote control? As if laying in bed under the covers in 95 degree heat playing Tetris wasn't enough of a reason for us to hate you, you had to do it with an Apple product. The tide was beginning to turn for me on the Apple company in general. But wait, it gets worse.

I don't know if you've heard of it, but something called an iPhone? It's like an iPod, but it can surf the interweb and play music and according to the commercial, blow you. I've personally seen it rob the lives of two people close to me. It's like they put some sort of hypnotizing agent in the screen that prevents you from turning away. Anytime something is mentioned that you don't know it becomes, "Wait, let me look it up." I don't need to know at that exact moment of time because I'll forget about it in about 15 seconds. I also don't want to see your face when we're on the phone. There's a reason I'm talking to you on the PHONE. It's so I can hear your voice.

And last, but not least, my favorite Apple invention. The iPad. Too bad the iPad couldn't be used as a vehicle for girls to put in their underwear to soak up their period goop. Sorry I'm not sorry for being so vile and disgusting. That's how I feel about the product. It's a large iPhone that doesn't make phone calls. It's a flat MacBook that doesn't have a keyboard. What purpose does the iPad serve besides making you look like a pompous asshole? I know you don't have a reason. So why buy it? Sotomayor.

I guess I'm just tired of seeing Apple included in everything pertaining to the world. And I guess the writers of South Park feel the same because they mocked the Apple culture in their latest season premiere. I'm also upset that conservative America is becoming overrun by a bunch of hippie, tree-hugging liberal assholes. Apple is probably the biggest supporter of Obama and unless you want to see that guy in office again for 4 years, keep buying Apple products. I've officially quit because "I am better than you."

The Top 10 Worst Baby Names In The History Of The World (Part 1)

I have to hand it to Mariah Carey. All this time I thought she was just an old, fat piece of shit with seemingly nothing to live for. She married a loser former cast member of "All That" in Nick Cannon, and her music career was virtually nonexistant. I think her last year of good music came in 1994 when she released "Daydream", a modern marvel of wonderful music. But it turns out that just a couple of days ago, she had twins! A boy and girl. Guess what their names were. Moroccan Scott Cannon (boy) and Monroe Cannon (girl). The reasoning? Well it makes a whole lot of sense. Moroccan because that's the decor of their luxurious New York City apartment. Monroe because Mariah was inspired by Marilyn Monroe her whole life. I'm so happy for the Cannons that I decided to dedicate this blog post to them because of the shitty names they gave their children. So here we go, the top 10 worst baby names in the history of the world.

(Are you sure that's twins? Looks like Octomom II)

10. Coco Riley (Courteney Cox + David Arquette)

We'll start it off real slow. Coco isn't the worst name I've ever heard for a child. Heck, when I was just a kid I had a stuffed teddy bear named Cocoa and he was like a brother to me. But then again, that was a stuffed teddy bear and this is a human being. At least she has the distinction of being able to say my mom was on one of the funniest sitcoms of all-time and my dad is pretty much a loser. Let's be realistic though, what family doesn't have that exact same scenario, a loser father? Here's to hoping that little Coco turns out to be just as good looking as her mom was in her prime.

9. Apple (Chris Martin + Gwyneth Paltrow)

Is it wrong for me to say that's an ugly fucking child? Not only is her name stupid, but she looks like some sort of genetic freak. Like her eyes are 30 feet apart from each other. Disgusting. Anyway, her dad is the lead singer of the gayest band in the entire universe, Coldplay, and her mom is the most overrated actress in the United States. She's never done a good movie, minus "Shallow Hal" (it teaches a valuable lesson: beauty is not only on the outside, but on the inside as well. Some real horseshit.) What sort of concoction did they make? I wouldn't be surprised if in 25 years I turned on CNN to see Apple Martin terrorizing the streets of London. She might be the second coming of Godzilla.

8. Harlow Winter Kate, Sparrow (Nicole Richie + Joel Madden)

Alright, minus the stupid fucking hairdo on what appears to be a boy, we are making progress. What is a Harlow anyway? They might as well have named her Harlot because in about 15 years, she's going to be running up and down the streets of Hollywood blowing anybody she can for a line of coke. And then Sparrow is going to swoop in (see what I did there?) and rescue her. This is all wishful thinking, but when you come from parents who have had drug problems (Richie) and stupid fucking tattoos (Madden) these are the consequences. How did she end up with that reject from Good Charlotte anyway? It certainly wasn't because she liked his music. "Lifestyles of the rich and the famousssssssss."

7. Story Elias (Jenna + Bodhi Elfman)

I used to find Jenna Elfman attractive. She had this quirky-something about her that I found cute. Plus, Dharma and Greg was a genuine success for the few short years it was on. Now Greg is rocking shit on Criminal Minds. However, Jenna thought it would be a good idea to convert to Scientology while naming her child Story Elias. Story? Let me tell you a story, Jenna. Once upon a time, there was a pretty attractive young actress who was on a funny sitcom. Then she married a bozo named Bodhi and converted to scientology. Next came marriage and the impending pregnancy. The result was a baby boy named Story. The End.

6. Bronx Mowgli (Ashlee Simpson + Pete Wentz)

Now we're making some real progress. Bronx Mowgli. Somebody obviously likes the shittiest borough in New York City and the worst Disney cartoon ever created (The Jungle Book). What the fuck are you two idiots thinking? Bronx? Manhattan, Harlem, Queens, or Brooklyn would all have been better choices for a child's name. At least they would be associated with success. Minus the Queens because that's where the Mets play. But come on. And Mowgli? Why not Pinocchio you shitty excuses for humans. The only reason Ashlee is famous is because her cow of a sister could sing and used to be sexy as hell. Pete Wentz is famous because people part of this new generation must all be deaf. Fall Out Boy could be considered the worst band ever. Ever. "Thanks For The Memories" or not.

Come back tomorrow for Part 2. "I am better than you."