Veganism: The Key To Living A Happy And Healthy Lifestyle

It's been nearly 6 months since I last wrote a post and I figure now is as good a time as ever to write another one. Lots and lots of thoughts have been circulating in my brain during this timeframe, but none worth putting into writing. That is until today. They say that when you're going through a lot, it's best to write it down. It's easier to write than say out loud or some bullshit like that. Well, I want to do my part. I want to help those who might be going through some shit right now as well. I dedicate this post to something that currently is the key to helping me live a happy and healthy lifestyle. Strap on your strap-ons because shit's about to get fucked.

Veganism. If you can recall any of my rants last year, mostly all of them had to do with being a liberal to some degree. Voting for Obama under several different aliases, going to summer camp, buying Apple products, etc. Unfortunately for me, things have changed. I purchased an iPhone because I can afford it. I worked at a summer camp for the second consecutive year (who would let me around children?). I'm still not voting for Obama. But something new has been instilled in me. Becoming a vegan.

It's changed my life. It's great not eating any animals. Fish, poultry, beef. They're all terrible for you, but more importantly, it's cruel to animals. But I want to take it one step further. Let's not eat anything that's ever been alive. That includes vegetables, fruits, other shit that grows in the ground, you name it. I don't want to be cruel or vicious to anything that's ever been alive. I've thought of a great name for this new idealogy. We can call it...RETARDATION. Fuck you. I'll eat what I want, when I want it. Being a vegan is pretty much being a virgin, except worse.

I just read some bullshit article about some has-been actress named Anjelica Huston crying about the upcoming CareerBuilder.com Super Bowl commercial. The commercial features infant monkeys that are fully trained doing menial tasks in the workplace. It's supposed to be funny because there are humans in the ad too and they get frustrated working with these monkeys (dumbasses). So the point of the commercial is to use careerbuilder to find a different job where you can work with people who are smarter than monkeys. Makes sense, right?

I thought so, but what about this buffoon? No, that isn't a picture of one of the monkeys. That's Anjelica Huston. She's been in about zero good movies and looks menacing. I wouldn't have sex with her if you gave me $30. She went on this whole rant about the working conditions on the set of this commercial. Ripping these infant monkeys away from their mothers in captivity just so we can use them to film a "funny" television commercial. It's cruel and inhumane and no one is laughing about it. A quote from Ms. Huston, “Innovative companies use animatronics or computer-generated imagery. … These chimpanzees are set to endure a lifetime of abuse for your 30-second spot—a point that no thinking person will find funny in the least.” It isn't innovative is they all do it, is it now Anjelica?

She's like an unpaid spokeswoman for PETA. The same people who do things like this:

I mean I can respect people who choose to go the vegetarian route, heck even being a vegan. But don't shove it down my fucking throat and give off the impression that you're better than me or some shit. Because that shit won't fly. Not here. Not anywhere. Maybe I like my mink coat and my tiger carpet. But it's my prerogative (Britney Spears insert). As you can see, not much has changed with me and by not much I mean nothing at all. I plan on continuing to write because for some odd reason, I've gotten more viewers to look at the blog when I wasn't writing than when I was. My only guess? "I am better than you."

Cheating Should Not Only Be Tolerated In Relationships, It Should Be Encouraged

Sit down and think about something for me for a minute. How many people do you know who have been in somewhat serious relationships (minimum 8 months) where at least one of them cheated? How many serious relationships have you been in where you cheated? I can honestly say that between all the people who I can call my friends, I can't think of one that hasn't cheated/been cheated on. Every single one of them. Why is that? What is so tempting about fooling around with somebody who isn't your lover? The answer? Everything.

People typically cheat because I believe it's in our nature. If we really evolved from monkeys or gorillas or whatever, shouldn't it be in our blood to find the most suitable mate? How many monkeys can you name that know the names of all their partners? As a matter of a fact, can they name any of them? No. No they cannot. And it isn't because monkeys can't talk. That's bullshit. They have some way of communicating with each other and I'm pretty sure the guy monkeys tell the other guy monkeys about the female monkey they just slayed. I'm pretty convinced in my beliefs.

So if we make like the monkeys and just want to tell our guy friends about the girl we just slayed, what's so wrong with that? There shouldn't be anything wrong, but somewhere along the lines it all went wrong. I think it all started with the Bible. Whoever wrote that fiction made it a point to highlight the importance of marriage and staying faithful until death do us part and blah blah blah. So people being the sheep they are, just follow it without clearly thinking it through. Those new age Mormons got it down with their polygamy plight. Men having 5, 6, even 7 wives. That just seems like a dream to me.

But Mike, doesn't it feel better to be in a committed relationship with someone who loves you and only wants to be with you? Sure it is, but can you find that person? Because I sure as hell don't think they exist. Like I said before, it's in our nature to cheat. We want to have those feelings of something being new and unexplored. When you have sex with the same person for years at a time, what's changing? Maybe things will get freaky for one night and she'll let you slip it in her butt. Cool. Once you've been there, the thrill is gone. That's why you need to find an unexplored female to make things exciting again.

If we all just have a country meeting one day and establish that it's okay to be in polygamous relationships, I think everyone will be better off. Never again do you have to worry about your girlfriend/boyfriend talking to the opposite sex on the telephone. Or coming home from a bar/party reeking of sex. All those worries and fears will be gone because you in turn will be doing the exact same thing. That just makes things much better for everyone involved. Cheating is usually the number one reason as to why relationships fail and I think if we could all stop worrying about it, people will be happier in the long run.

Think about it. Your partner likes to go to expensive restaurants and order the finest wines. You're cheap and hate dishing out all that money. You have a booty call on the side who loves to stay-in and eat something cheap and pound Franzia. Boom! Problem solved. You just flip-flop partners when need be. Nobody likes everything about the person they're dating. If you could fix one of those problems with somebody else, why wouldn't you? I think cheating should become accepted in all relationships. That way we can stop calling it cheating and start calling it "trying". The world of relationships will easily become a better place.

Aren't you glad I solved this issue for you? It's just because "I am better than you."