If You Don't Vaccinate Your Child, I Don't Give A Shit. And You Shouldn't Either

There's a lot being said in the media right now or there was regarding vaccinating our children against deadly diseases. Since there was an outbreak of measles in California, specifically Disneyland, there are a reported 131 confirmed cases of measles in the state. I've read both sides of the argument (vaccinating/not vaccinating) and I'll clearly share my position over the course of the post. Actually, I'll share it right now. I think parents have the right to choose whether or not to vaccinate their child. Why? Because it's their child. Not mine. Not yours. Not America's. But Great One, what about the spread of diseases and the possibility of death? We're going down a slippery slope.

I failed one class in all of my life. Just one. Philosophy, in my second semester of my freshman year. It was a MWF class at 2:30. Attendance was not required. Guess how many Friday classes I attended? I think the answer is less than zero. What does this have to do with vaccinations you may be asking yourself? I learned about the slippery slope fallacy in that class. Probably the only thing I learned from that dickhead Dr. Hutchens. What an asshole he was. But I digress. A slippery slope is simply defined as when a person asserts that some event must inevitably follow from another without any rational argument or demonstrable mechanism for the inevitability of the event in question.

America forcing our children or all people to be vaccinated is a slippery slope. Yeah I'm sure these vaccinations have prevented numerous outbreaks of deadly diseases. And I'm sure it's probably the right thing to do. But I can't ever imagine forcing someone to get a vaccination is the right way to go about things. And I'm not sure banning anti-vaxxers from attending public school is a good option either. "How stupid can you be? This could be a matter of life and death. I don't want my son/daughter to potentially be exposed to these diseases." That was me making up a quote from what I'd consider a concerned parent. If we're all forced to be vaccinated, then what will we all be forced to do next? Getting microchips implanted? Watch the entire State of the Union address? Eat vegetables for dinner? When does the madness end??

If you're a such a great parent and are worried about your child, then get them vaccinated. If little Timmy is vaccinated against measles or polio or rubella, it shouldn't matter if little Johnny isn't. If or when little Johnny dies, then the parents will have to live with that decision for the rest of their lives, all while your kid is in the clear. I've seen comparisons and comics ridiculing those who are anti-vax. Claiming that these are the same parents that would make a fuss if their child is severely allergic to peanuts and another student brings them in for lunch because they should be considerate of their child's condition. Just like they should be considerate of other children by ensuring their kid is all up to date with his vaxx. I don't see how they correlate. There is no vaccination for a peanut allergy, at least as far as I'm concerned. We should be concerned for kids regardless of the issue.

I thought we were a nation clamoring for acceptance. We're pushing diligently for equal rights for gays, but want to punish people who don't vaccinate their child. It's their fucking child! Who are you to judge them for it? This also reminds me of a story I saw recently regarding Steve Jobs. If you live under a rock, Jobs was the head honcho of Apple. Created the iPhone you use to Facetime with your S/O. The iPad you don't use because laptops are superior. He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in its early stages. The doctors recommended he get surgery and do chemo as it provided him the best chance to survive. Jobs decided to go the alternative route. He used some herbs, drank some tea, ate fruit and shit. And as we all know, Jobs is dead. Heroes of the internet have the audacity to call him a moron! A moron! The man who was more successful and accomplished than any one of them will ever be. And it's because he didn't get surgery and do chemo. 

I didn't know that treating cancer with chemo was the only tried and true method. As far as I know, people still die. "But why wouldn't you try the most effective method to treat it? Why risk it for an alternative that has NEVER showed any positive results on a consistent basis?" That's another made up quote. My response? Who gives a fuck? It's his life and it was his decision. There's no guarantee he would have survived either way. But my point is, it was his decision and his alone. I'm not going to fault the guy, I'm not going to criticize him. He tried something and failed. Life goes on. I think it's a mistake to ridicule those for not following the sheep.

My whole point whether you think people are dumb or not for choosing not to vaccinate their child, that decision is entirely theirs to make. Being vaccinated might save their life or maybe it might give them autism, at least according to Jenny McCarthy. I think our acceptance of people and their decisions has changed since I was a kid. Everybody has to act a certain way. Look a certain way. Get vaccinations like everyone else. Nobody wants to be an individual anymore. Nobody wants to march to the beat of their own drum. Instead they are coerced to get vaccinations by the media for made up diseases like H1N1. Remember that bullshit for like 2 weeks? If you want to get your kid vaccinated, go for it. If you don't, don't. But don't force my hand either way. I'll just end up saying I am better than you.

Part Of Growing Up Is The Acceptance That Things Change

Today I went on a bike ride. My mentality shifted throughout the course of the ride. I initially got on my bike to clear my head. Get out of it for a little bit. It's as if everything around me is changing and I'm finally beginning to accept it. My life has been a turnstyle since March when my grandmother passed away. No longer were the chains in place to restrict my mom or uncle from going out anytime they wanted. No more stresses, no more anxiety. One person leaving this Earth did that. But there's more to it. My uncle's girlfriend of 20-something years has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and things don't look well for her at all. Most of his time has been spent with her at the hospital. But there's more.

My grandparents moved into my current house in the 1960s. This has been in possession of the family for 45 years or so. According to my uncles and mom, it was a nice neighborhood with lots of trees and families. Well those days are done and over. Almost all the trees have been cut down. Most of the families that live here don't speak English or bother with anyone but themselves. Just yesterday, my mom's tires were slashed. 6 hours later the police showed up to investigate two stolen vehicles. Where the fuck do I live? Which brings this all back to me. I received a phone call during the middle of last week. It was from a company in Virginia. They want me to come in for an interview. My ticket out?

I've been trying to leave this God-forsaken city/town since 2006. That's why I went to school in Virginia. I'm tired of the crime that's seemingly gotten worse. I'm tired of the brash people I come across on a consistent basis. I'm over the snooty girls with their orange glow and big Louis Vitton bags. I'm sorry ladies, I can't compete for your affection when a Louis Vitton bag is my competition. This interview is the biggest, most important thing that has happened to me in the longest time. I'll be able to see my friends from school on a regular basis. I can enjoy the ingenuity of Virginia's residents. I can start my life anew.

So I went on a bike ride today. Passing through the streets that I've known since I can hardly remember. Thinking back to what it used to look like and how it transformed into this miserable pile of shit. But then I got sentimental. People give New Jersey such a bad rap about how unclean it is and how terrible it smells. And how everyone thinks they're from New York or Philly. Well most of us are from there. We just live in Jersey because it's cheaper. And I get that. And maybe it does smell. But you know what? It's home. It's always been home to me and always will be. People can trash it all they want, but it will always be where I came from.

Before I knew it, I was about 9 miles from home. Back to where I went to high school. A long ways to go, lost in my own thoughts. And that's when I realized that everything is changing. My city. My family. My relationships. My life. I'm actually becoming a grown-up and it scares the shit out of me. I hate the kids at my camp mostly because I'm jealous of them. Watching them make up some game on the spot, laughing and yelling, and making fun of one another. Not a care in the world. Genuine, sincere, and brutally honest kids are. I don't know why, but at some point in time we teach children not to be honest. I can think about it all day, but it never quite makes sense. Children have got it all, man.

Maybe I'm writing this post prematurely. But my gut tells me that it's my time to move on. It's time to start a new chapter in my life. It's time to move down to the place that will make me happiest. I couldn't tell you the last time I was so excited about something. Maybe 3 weeks ago when my friend came home from Turkey. But besides that, I don't know. I'm growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Deep down, in that place where most people have their hearts, and I have a dark, black piece of coal, it's telling me that I'm going to get this job and I'm going to leave Garfield for good. I couldn't be more happy and scared all at the same time. Something tells me though, that things will work out for the best. They always seem to. Could it be, perhaps, because "I am better than you?"

Oral Sex Is Causing Oral Cancer In Men. I Know What I Won't Do Anymore

A recent article published has declared that there is a correlation between men getting cancer in their mouths with the amount of oral sexes they are providing to women. (http://www.aolnews.com/2011/04/19/research-oral-sex-puts-men-at-risk-for-oral-cancer/) Since that appears to be the case, girls can forget about me doing that for them anymore. As a matter of fact, they can forget about me doing a lot of things for them. Who's to say that any other things I do out of the goodness of my heart won't result in some sort of illness. I've taken the liberty to provide a list of things I will no longer do for women because I value my life. Fuck yeah.

5. Take pictures

I know how much girls love to take pictures when they're out drinking. Back when Facebook used to be cool and allowed you the ability to stalk people's pictures, you'd always come across 3 girls pissing in a toilet or in the shower or even worse, in the sink. Those days are gone and thank goodness. I don't know how many pictures I've seen of girls taking pisses. What's the point? Of course I'd like to see you bottomless, but not while you're secreting urine from your hole. Staring at such pictures will probably cause cataracts or ocular cancer or something along those lines. I'm done taking pictures for you.

4. Work out

(Sweatshirts went out in '93 bro)

Rumor has it that girls like guys who work out. The bigger the muscles, the wetter the panties. I find that hard to believe considering the amount of girls I've made out with in my life. (8 by age 23? Not too shabby) But it's now something I'm not doing anymore. Sometimes I would go for a run and lift the 3 lbs. dumbells that my mom has, but I won't touch 'em again. They say the way to a girl's heart is to buy her Tiffany's, agree on everything, and the ability to throw her against the wall, of course in a completely consenual way. By not working out, I save myself the probability of acquiring bicep/tricep/shoulder cancer. 2 for 2.

3. Clean

I don't mean that kind of cleaning, you know the kind that women are especially good at. I mean the kind of cleaning that I do. Do you know what I did with my toothpaste, shampoo, soap, and shaving cream once I heard about the oral cancer? Yep, you guessed it. It went right in the trash. Girls love it when guys take care of themselves and make themselves presentable. I won't subject myself to it anymore. Nope. I used to trim my beard, wash my body, clean my hair, brush my teeth, but I can't see myself doing any of those things anymore. Not with the risk of hair cancer, skin cancer, or gum cancer. Way too risky. Sorry girls, the juice ain't worth the squeeze.

2. Watch tv

This one hurts me a lot. Like a whole lot. I really like watching tv. It's probably my greatest pastime. But the next time I get a girlfriend, I mean if, I will not cuddle in bed and watch television with her. Not when I'm forced to watch 'The Bachelorette', 'Desperate Housewives', 'Grey's Anatomy', '90210', and other terrible shows. That guy in the picture is only smiling because deep down he hopes that by wasting 2 hours of his life watching a slut make her decision about who she wants to get fucked by next week, that he will be rewarded with oral sex. Little does he know that oral sex is the devil now. I bet it was a female researcher. My brain and eyes are safe from cancer.

1. Shop

Oh give me a break asshole. Everyone who is looking at this picture knows you're full of shit. You have two bags in your hand and neither look like they're from Victoria's Secret, so we know you aren't having sexy sex tonight. I can't understand why girls love to shop. But I won't partake in it anymore. I never really did anyway. Shopping is my least favorite activity in the whole wide world. I'd almost rather eat a stalk of celery than waste 6 hours of my day watching you shop for things you can't really afford. Going shopping with women probably results in hand cancer, arm cancer, brain cancer, mouth cancer, ear cancer, and heart cancer. There's only so much a man can take before his body gives out on him. This is why I will never go shopping again.

Aren't I great or what? I single-handedly am abandoning all those great things that I used to do for women because I'm terrified of getting all those different kinds of cancer. And now by writing about it, I'm saving all the guys from cancer too. When they make more statues of me you can say you were there when I achieved such a lofty, prestigious honor. Until then, keep women away from. I do because "I am better than you."