Google+ Can Shove Their Lack Of An Invite To Me Up Their Ass

The new craze in life the past couple of weeks has been Google+. G+ is a social media site that lets you network with other real people and do the same exact shit as Facebook. Everyone on my Facebook and Twitter is blowing it up describing how cool it is. For some reason I would say a majority of them are full of shit. Not in describing it's coolness, but the idea that they actually have an account. When I logged onto the website it described in vivid detail about needing to have been invited and how it was in the trial stages and that soon everyone would be open to joining it. So not all of you were lucky enough to get the invite. I'm sure of it. But anyway Google, I don't want to join your stupid social media site anyway. So take that.

Remember back in like 2004-2005 when this social media site was created called "MySpace?" And with this website you would create your own space (clever) with glitz and glamour and music playing in the background. And then people would add you and then you could write shit on their page and have some quality back and forth. I remember thinking it was the dumbest piece of shit idea I had ever seen. I was in a computer class in high school and all the kids were sitting there on MySpace writing on each other's pages. I'm not quite sure they realized that they were sitting next to each other and could talk just as effectively, if not better. I never had a MySpace.

And then by time my senior year rolled around some craze called Facebook had taken the reins and was apparently the coolest thing ever. Facebook was pretty much the exact same thing as MySpace, but featured less customization on your profile page, a shit-ton more pictures, and a network that allowed you the ability to connect with some of your college classmates before you even got to college. I have to admit, I was pretty damn excited when I got my college email address because that finally meant that I would be able to sign up for it. And in the old days of Facebook, you were allowed to stalk people who were in your network and look at their pictures and see how many people were writing on their wall. And then it took a turn for the worse.

Facebook started adding privacy settings and newsfeeds and other dumb things. It was slowly, but surely becoming more and more like MySpace. The only thing that still separated it was the inability to add color schemes and blasting shitty techno music on your profile. But all the other little doodads were available. And since that time, MySpace has fallen off the face of the earth. It was sold a bunch of years ago for something like $400 million and Justin Timberlake just recently bought it for $20 million or so. So in just a few short years MySpace became obsolete. The only thing I see that it has going for them is that it's a good place for new and up-and-coming musicians to try and get some sort of following. That's all.

I think I see Facebook falling down that same path in just a few short years. I understand that Facebook is much bigger than MySpace could have ever dreamed, but when new startups are coming out almost every single week or month or year, it's going to be tough to keep on top. Look at Microsoft. From the early 80s to 2007, it was the premiere computer company. It reigned supreme by such a wide margin, that antitrust and monopolization lawsuits were thrown at them on a seemingly daily basis. Now Apple is the shit. Microsoft is losing more money than it ever would have imagined. Every empire must eventually fall. And in due time, Facebook will go down. Maybe to Google+.

But what bothers me about the whole thing is that they released it in a trial basis. If you are gauging to see what the interest level will be, go all in or not at all. I hate people and ideas that take babysteps. Shit or get off the pot. And don't tell me that I don't have the privilege of signing up yet. And that it's by invite only. That's some real bullshittttttttt. And I'm not just bitter and angry. I just want to have the same opportunities as everyone else. Why did Google make them the chosen few and not me? Don't they know that "I am better than you."

Girls Aren't Allowed To Be Sluts Because Guys Are Jealous

I had a very interesting conversation a couple of days ago. The whole conversation was centered around getting laid. Naturally I was talking with a girl because I don't have any guy friends because I'm a fucking weirdo. She brought up how easy it is for girls to have sex. Since I love to argue I tried to say no it isn't. And then I realized something. I was wrong. Yes. W-R-O-N-G. This was the first time in my entire life that I was wrong. Of course girls can have sex whenever they want. They have vaginas. If I had a vagina, a real one, I would be getting laid all the time too. But I don't and I don't. So how is that fair? It isn't.

A long, long time ago a guy was trying to have sex. He was an average looking man with a steady job as a carpenter and a nice shack. He didn't work out much, except of course when he was building shit. One day, after work, he went to the local corner to try and have some sex. He figured that he would meet a woman who was coming home from the river after doing her laundry. Finally when one arrived, the man told the woman that he wanted to have sex. She vehemently denied him and entered her home. The man waited outside her window until nighttime, only to listen to her having sex with what was assumed to be her husband. When the "husband" left, the man found out that the woman was not married. It was just a late-night booty call.

The next morning the man went running through the streets proclaiming that this woman was a slut and that she had sex with a man who wasn't her husband. Several other men ran through the streets proclaiming different women to being sluts. They were then banished to the corner, where they had to ask men for money for sex because now it was the only thing they were relied upon for. And it all started because one man was trying to have sex. The moral of the story is that guys are jealous of women because they can have sex whenever they want, whereas men have to put in some kind of effort. And when they do, we trash them by calling them sluts and whores because they should only being having sex while married/in a relationship.

If you didn't already know, I completely made that story up. The whole thing. Not one part about it was true. But it seems believable, doesn't it? While talking to this girl about getting laid she made it a point to tell me that she can get it whenever she wants. Morning, afternoon, night. Doesn't matter. Because the fact of the matter is, no matter what you look like, tall, small, skinny, fat, ugly, pretty, rich, poor, if you are willing to put out, you WILL find a guy willing to provide. But the same doesn't hold true for men. Take me for instance. I would love to have me some sex, but it isn't that easy.

I'm a decent-looking guy with a great personality. I like to laugh and make fun of others. When I'm not being a prick, I could have a decent conversation. The problem is, girls don't want to have some conversation when they're trying to get laid. They want to hook up with the best-looking, muscular guy at the bar. He could be the biggest piece of shit in the world, but if he's got that look he's good to go. Those types of guys are the only ones who can get laid whenever they want. But still not as often as girls. They truly can get it whenever they want with very little effort. That's why some guy a long time ago made it a point to say that girls can't have sex anytime they want, otherwise they will be considered sluts.

When it comes to sexual partners, the more a guy has, the cooler he is considered to be. The more partners a girl has, the sluttier she is. There is an absolute double standard when it comes to sexual partners between the two genders. I can't say for sure why, but my story before does make a whole lot of sense. Guys are jealous that they can't just have sex whenever they want so they label girls that do as sluts to lower their self-esteem and confidence. Only when it has been dropped so low do we then have sex with them. Almost like it's some sort of payback or something. So in the end, I guess guys win?

In my honest opinion, I think guys should experience women for who they are, not what they bring to the sexual table. Of course it's lovely to have sex every once in a while, but there are more important things out there than penetration. And I think the same for girls. You should only consider having sex with people you are generally interested in. I understand that one night stands happen, but it doesn't mean that I agree with it. And don't be surprised if I look at you with a little shame. It's just as easy to pass up sex as it is to have it. Guys are allowed to, but girls are not. That's just the way double standards go sometimes. If you don't agree, too bad. "I am better than you."

Your Pubic Hairstyle Says A Lot About You

When I was about 13 years old, I went to a friends house. She was a year older than me and a year wiser. My other guy friend liked her, and I liked her friend. So the four of us sat around the front of her house talking, hanging out like most 13 year-olds do. The topic of pubes came up. Since I'm a disgusting pervert since as long as I can remember, it was probably me who brought it up. After several minutes of talking about it, her dad came out. I thought I was dead meat, but instead he gave me valuable advice that I remember to this day, 10 years later. "At some point in your life, you're going to shave your pubes." Blasphemy. Why would I touch that region of my body? Besides, I only had like two long strands of hair down there. My oh my has 10 years been a long time.

So that got me thinking about all the different pubic hairstyles that are around. Whatever design of hair, or lack thereof, definitely says a lot about you as a person. I'm going to critique each one and offer my correct opinion and the style you should choose.

All natural - This is for people who grew up anytime in the 70s or before. It is commonly referred to as a bush. The reasoning for this is because it looks like a bush. I think it is utterly disgusting and repulsive. People who only trim their bikini lines and leave the rest to nature clearly have low self-esteem issues, are not sexually active, and probably are too poor to afford a 30 cent razor. I don't actually know of any human that does not at least trim their pubic hair, except my former roommate. The amount of laughter that occurred after seeing that pile of pubes was enough to make me shit my pants. Cause that's what happens after you laugh for a long time.

The Landing Strip - I feel as if I'm posting this prematurely because it is the odds-on favorite to win "Best Pubic Hairstyle". The reasoning? It tells me that you are adventurous, you like to fly in airplanes, you can see straight, you might be good at measuring things, and you like to have lots and lots of sex. They say there is a study that shows the amount of sex that women with landing strip pubes has is far greater than that of any other pubic design. And I'm not making this up. It's a classic look that looks great and feels great. It doesn't get in the way of any activities and let's the male know that they are at least 12-years-old. And that right there is great. "Old enough to pee, old enough for me!"

The Brazilian - This is just terrifying. I recently had a conversation with a group of humans about the Brazilian Wax. I knew that it removed all hair from the body, but I didn't know that it was ALL hair. Take me for instance. I am a boy and I have a penis and testicles. If I were to go to a waxing shop or wherever they do that stuff to get a Brazilian, I thought they would only remove my upper pubic region. According to the other humans in the conversation, everything must go. That means they put hot wax on both my penis and testicles. Are you fucking kidding me? Who would ever allow anyone to do that? What if they rip something off? Same applies to you ladies. What if they rip your lady parts off? This is a suicide mission. One that I will never sign up for. Anyone who is willing to sign up for this torture treatment is a psychotic lunatic who loves feeling pain. If you really want to be clean down there, just shave. Don't put hot wax anywhere near there. I could never be with a waxer. Sicko's.

The V - Have you ever seen "Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis"? Well in one of his skits he has Natalie Portman on and he says I know you shaved your head in V for Vendetta, does that mean you shave your V for vagina? Which poses the question, why do girls shave V's into their vaginas? V is easily one of the worst letters in the alphabet. I think almost any other letter would be much cooler. Like M, for instance. It could stand for 'mighty' or 'magnificent' or even 'morally corrupt'. Any of these things would be much much better than just a plain old V. I don't know how many pornography films I have watched where the girl has a V emblazoned on her taco. Girls who use this lack creativity, social skills, and friends. Friends don't let friends shave V's into their vaginas.

Customized - Since Harry Potter became a theme in American pop culture, many girls and guys have taken the liberty to make their pubes look like a lightning bolt. I'm all for trying new things, but lightning bolts are fucking lame. Am I going to get electrocuted if I enter into your magic hole? Will Harry Potter use his expecto patronum spell on me? What are the repercussions? If there aren't any, why even bother? Hearts are also becoming a growing trend. If you have a heart, you clearly aren't in love and are just trying to get fucked. Partners would not allow that shit to go on for very long, and for good reason. We're already in love, as you can tell, because I'm about to enter you. No need to remind me with your pubic selection. And names/initials are becoming a major threat. It's like a stamp of approval for the owner of the property. You know, in case you forget while you are dating. I'd hate to be the guy who's banging your girlfriend all while reading your initials during it. It'll make me feel like a scumbag, you know?

The winner is obviously The Landing Strip as I stated it quite explicitly in the opening sentence. I don't give out second place awards because second place means "first loser". And I'm a winner. So any girls who might be reading this, if you contain a landing strip be sure to let me know as I will be automatically attracted to you that much more. But that's only my opinion. The only opinion that matters because it's never been wrong. Simply because "I am better than you."

Part Of Growing Up Is The Acceptance That Things Change

Today I went on a bike ride. My mentality shifted throughout the course of the ride. I initially got on my bike to clear my head. Get out of it for a little bit. It's as if everything around me is changing and I'm finally beginning to accept it. My life has been a turnstyle since March when my grandmother passed away. No longer were the chains in place to restrict my mom or uncle from going out anytime they wanted. No more stresses, no more anxiety. One person leaving this Earth did that. But there's more to it. My uncle's girlfriend of 20-something years has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and things don't look well for her at all. Most of his time has been spent with her at the hospital. But there's more.

My grandparents moved into my current house in the 1960s. This has been in possession of the family for 45 years or so. According to my uncles and mom, it was a nice neighborhood with lots of trees and families. Well those days are done and over. Almost all the trees have been cut down. Most of the families that live here don't speak English or bother with anyone but themselves. Just yesterday, my mom's tires were slashed. 6 hours later the police showed up to investigate two stolen vehicles. Where the fuck do I live? Which brings this all back to me. I received a phone call during the middle of last week. It was from a company in Virginia. They want me to come in for an interview. My ticket out?

I've been trying to leave this God-forsaken city/town since 2006. That's why I went to school in Virginia. I'm tired of the crime that's seemingly gotten worse. I'm tired of the brash people I come across on a consistent basis. I'm over the snooty girls with their orange glow and big Louis Vitton bags. I'm sorry ladies, I can't compete for your affection when a Louis Vitton bag is my competition. This interview is the biggest, most important thing that has happened to me in the longest time. I'll be able to see my friends from school on a regular basis. I can enjoy the ingenuity of Virginia's residents. I can start my life anew.

So I went on a bike ride today. Passing through the streets that I've known since I can hardly remember. Thinking back to what it used to look like and how it transformed into this miserable pile of shit. But then I got sentimental. People give New Jersey such a bad rap about how unclean it is and how terrible it smells. And how everyone thinks they're from New York or Philly. Well most of us are from there. We just live in Jersey because it's cheaper. And I get that. And maybe it does smell. But you know what? It's home. It's always been home to me and always will be. People can trash it all they want, but it will always be where I came from.

Before I knew it, I was about 9 miles from home. Back to where I went to high school. A long ways to go, lost in my own thoughts. And that's when I realized that everything is changing. My city. My family. My relationships. My life. I'm actually becoming a grown-up and it scares the shit out of me. I hate the kids at my camp mostly because I'm jealous of them. Watching them make up some game on the spot, laughing and yelling, and making fun of one another. Not a care in the world. Genuine, sincere, and brutally honest kids are. I don't know why, but at some point in time we teach children not to be honest. I can think about it all day, but it never quite makes sense. Children have got it all, man.

Maybe I'm writing this post prematurely. But my gut tells me that it's my time to move on. It's time to start a new chapter in my life. It's time to move down to the place that will make me happiest. I couldn't tell you the last time I was so excited about something. Maybe 3 weeks ago when my friend came home from Turkey. But besides that, I don't know. I'm growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Deep down, in that place where most people have their hearts, and I have a dark, black piece of coal, it's telling me that I'm going to get this job and I'm going to leave Garfield for good. I couldn't be more happy and scared all at the same time. Something tells me though, that things will work out for the best. They always seem to. Could it be, perhaps, because "I am better than you?"

I Fucking Hate Hipsters

Who decided that it was okay to be a hipster? From the dumb plaid shirts, to the 1970s porn star moustaches, to the skinny girl jeans, to the big fake black-horned rim glasses, finally to cases and cases of PBR (Pabst Blue Ribbon). Everything that hipsters do is dumb. Essentially, they are the previous generation's kids who shopped at Hot Topic. Remember what kind of losers shopped at Hot Topic? They sold Marilyn Manson t-shirts, Pink Floyd trucker hats, and coffin backpacks. And these derelicts would go in, buy some spikes as their earrings, hair coloring for their mohawk, and other dumb graphic t-shirts. And they would go to school dressed like fucking idiots and call themselves goths. Then they would get made fun of and explain to the rest of us that they were expressing their individuality and people didn't "understand" them.

Here's what I understand. People don't like you because you suck. You suck big dick. You think you're shopping at Hot Topic to showcase your individuality, but what those idiots failed to realize was that they were actually conforming to the same ideology. Nothing about them was unique. I can see the same thing happening now across the populated parts of the country. Kids showing up to school, claiming they are artsy and how they have such a passion for music and doing liberal things like going to foreign countries and farming for them. Hey dick clowns, find something original to do.

Ever heard of the Peace Corps? You know what they do, right? They go to impoverished countries and utilize the resources in order to make that particular city more viable for the future generations. Going to do some farming work is NOT original, nor does it seem like a lot or any fun. And as far as I'm concerned, we have a lot of farms in America. A whole bunch. Why don't you work on those farms so we can eliminate the pesticides that farmers need to use to make the quota for all the product they have to move? All of our food can become organic and maybe obesity will drop because we won't be eating chemicals. You hipsters are liberals, aren't you? My idea should sound fucking brilliant.

I also never quite understood why it's such a big deal to like things that only you know about. Like the band, Vampire Weekend or some 80s synthesizing band. They've been around for a long time now, but since they've hit the mainstream a bit and "sold-out", they've fallen out of favor with the pussy-boy hipster crowd. I thought people liked things because they actually liked them? Who gives a flying fuck if everyone else likes it too? That should never change your feelings on something if it's completely unwarranted. That's clearly why people don't like hipsters. They've created this image that they are above and beyond everything and everyone else. Go fuck yourselves loser assholes.

And don't get me started with the drug use. As if these dickheads invented marijuana or wild mushrooms. "Let's smoke some pot." No Bill. "Let's do shrooms instead." Dope. Who the fuck do you think you are? Dope? Dope? That word was cool in the 80s. It isn't cool anymore. Stop trying to bring it back. These are also the same virgins that love watching Donnie Darko and trying to unravel all of its deep mysteries. That movie fucking sucks. Jake Gyllenhaal is a terrible fucking actor. Time travel is not real. Neither are talking rabbits named Frank. Stop analyzing that shitty movie and accept it for what it is: Shitty. You fucking pieces of shit are no better than anyone or anything because once again you conformed to society by not conforming. Your taste in things is awful as are your cutoff jorts (jean shorts). Grow up and be yourself for once. I've always been myself because "I am better than you."