Part Of Growing Up Is The Acceptance That Things Change

Today I went on a bike ride. My mentality shifted throughout the course of the ride. I initially got on my bike to clear my head. Get out of it for a little bit. It's as if everything around me is changing and I'm finally beginning to accept it. My life has been a turnstyle since March when my grandmother passed away. No longer were the chains in place to restrict my mom or uncle from going out anytime they wanted. No more stresses, no more anxiety. One person leaving this Earth did that. But there's more to it. My uncle's girlfriend of 20-something years has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and things don't look well for her at all. Most of his time has been spent with her at the hospital. But there's more.

My grandparents moved into my current house in the 1960s. This has been in possession of the family for 45 years or so. According to my uncles and mom, it was a nice neighborhood with lots of trees and families. Well those days are done and over. Almost all the trees have been cut down. Most of the families that live here don't speak English or bother with anyone but themselves. Just yesterday, my mom's tires were slashed. 6 hours later the police showed up to investigate two stolen vehicles. Where the fuck do I live? Which brings this all back to me. I received a phone call during the middle of last week. It was from a company in Virginia. They want me to come in for an interview. My ticket out?

I've been trying to leave this God-forsaken city/town since 2006. That's why I went to school in Virginia. I'm tired of the crime that's seemingly gotten worse. I'm tired of the brash people I come across on a consistent basis. I'm over the snooty girls with their orange glow and big Louis Vitton bags. I'm sorry ladies, I can't compete for your affection when a Louis Vitton bag is my competition. This interview is the biggest, most important thing that has happened to me in the longest time. I'll be able to see my friends from school on a regular basis. I can enjoy the ingenuity of Virginia's residents. I can start my life anew.

So I went on a bike ride today. Passing through the streets that I've known since I can hardly remember. Thinking back to what it used to look like and how it transformed into this miserable pile of shit. But then I got sentimental. People give New Jersey such a bad rap about how unclean it is and how terrible it smells. And how everyone thinks they're from New York or Philly. Well most of us are from there. We just live in Jersey because it's cheaper. And I get that. And maybe it does smell. But you know what? It's home. It's always been home to me and always will be. People can trash it all they want, but it will always be where I came from.

Before I knew it, I was about 9 miles from home. Back to where I went to high school. A long ways to go, lost in my own thoughts. And that's when I realized that everything is changing. My city. My family. My relationships. My life. I'm actually becoming a grown-up and it scares the shit out of me. I hate the kids at my camp mostly because I'm jealous of them. Watching them make up some game on the spot, laughing and yelling, and making fun of one another. Not a care in the world. Genuine, sincere, and brutally honest kids are. I don't know why, but at some point in time we teach children not to be honest. I can think about it all day, but it never quite makes sense. Children have got it all, man.

Maybe I'm writing this post prematurely. But my gut tells me that it's my time to move on. It's time to start a new chapter in my life. It's time to move down to the place that will make me happiest. I couldn't tell you the last time I was so excited about something. Maybe 3 weeks ago when my friend came home from Turkey. But besides that, I don't know. I'm growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Deep down, in that place where most people have their hearts, and I have a dark, black piece of coal, it's telling me that I'm going to get this job and I'm going to leave Garfield for good. I couldn't be more happy and scared all at the same time. Something tells me though, that things will work out for the best. They always seem to. Could it be, perhaps, because "I am better than you?"