Naked Gym. What A Novel Idea

You have to hand it to Spain. Not only are they an exclusive member of P.I.G.S. (Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain) and depleting the European Union, they may or may not have initiated the worst idea in the history of ideas. (http://www.metro.co.uk/news/861754-gym-offers-naked-exercise-sessions) One of their gyms, Easy Gym, is offering its members the opportunity to exercise naked. Now, it isn't a nude-only club as you have the option of keeping them on or taking them off. The president of the gym said his only motivation for marketing the gym in such a way was to help generate interest and to recoup most of the money he lost due to the recession over there. He thinks people aren't going to the gym because of the recession. Wrong!

Now I can't say for sure what it's like over in Spain, but I know that in the good ole U.S. of A. people don't go to the gym not because of the lack of money, but mostly because we are all lazy pieces of shit. It isn't a coincidence that we have the highest obesity rate in the world. So maybe people aren't going to the gym because they actually don't have the extra money. But your bright idea, Merche Laseca, is to offer your members the option of exercising naked? Is that some sort of sick joke?

What kind of people go to the gym? I know of three. 1) People with low self-esteem who are trying to make themselves feel better on the outside by compensating for the worthlessness they feel on the inside. 2) People who are genuinely trying to improve their look because everything seems to go their way anyway. 3) People who are fat and disgusting and are actually trying to lose weight because they are fat and disgusting. And group number 3 probably makes up a large chunk of the gym population. So now the naked gym doesn't seem like such a good idea, does it? Right again.

(Weak piece of shit)

And how embarrassing would it be if you go to the gym at a real location, say Los Angeles, and there's a hot chick with huge implants and a small frame. You get to the butterfly machine, but she's already taken the spot. Next thing you know, you're in the corner of the gym hiding your erection because you can't stop looking at the girl compressing her big fake boobs together. Now what? Is a gym the ideal place to be wandering around with a boner? Do you know how many guys are at the gym, especially the roided out douchebags? This has tragedy written all over it. I could never go to the gym naked, just because that would happen the one time I go.

(I know the black one is Gemini)

The owner also made it a point to make up some story about how the ancient Greeks used to perform in the nude during the Olympics. Didn't they use to feed you to the lions if you came in 4th place? Yeah, just what I'd like. To be running from a lion in the buff so he could rip apart my man area and eat it like the sick son of a bitch that he/she is. The athletes definitely did not participate naked in the Olympics. I don't care what fake drawings and illustrations have been made. I don't believe it. Not for one second. I would assuredly make fun of my opponent for that angel hair pasta that he called a penis. Gold medal for me.

(I told you they weren't nude)

The whole reasoning behind the naked Olympics was so that women couldn't participate. And they wonder why I yell at them to continue cooking and cleaning? It's always been that way. During fake Jesus' time, to the Olympics, and now to the present day. Women have always had a role and it was to serve man. These aren't my beliefs, just what I witness on a day-to-day basis. Don't shoot the messenger. But this article did at least one thing for me. It made me realize how much smarter and better America is than everywhere else. Because people in Spain think of nude gyms. Sorry Spain, I hate to break it to you, but "I am better than you."

Wine, Pretzels, Friends And The Nobel Prize

Today I had a very long, lengthy conversation with a friend. We talked for nearly 2 hours. But we didn't talk about anything relevant to our lives. Okay maybe a little bit relevant, but not particularly. And aren't these the kinds of conversations that determine what a true friendship is? How many people can you honestly think of that you talked to steadily for a long time without many meaningful words being spoken? These people you come across in life are few and far between. So when you do find them, you should probably keep them around because they seem to be good people. And that's what I plan on doing.

I never drink wine. I have never gotten intoxicated from drinking wine. But I have drank wine. Red wine and white wine. Something about it offends me. It's typically bitter and sweet. But not bittersweet. I'm sure 99% of those reading this have tasted wine before. Maybe you are Italian and drink it on your Sunday lunch/dinner. Maybe you went to France and drank some exquisite wines like the pompous asshole you are. Or you went to Napa Valley and guzzled down some fermented grapes. Either way, wine tastes like shit. Unless of course it involves a Tour de Franzia. A classic case of binge drinking. Finish the box of win before your opponent to win!

Pretzels are a delicious snack. I can eat pretzels all day every day until my molars are filled with its remnants. I like salty pretzels, Goldfish pretzels, SuperPretzels, and chocolate-covered pretzels. M&M's Pretzels and that's all. Honey Wheat pretzels are disgusting and a travesty bestowed upon the American public. If you like Honey Wheat flavored pretzels, I no longer like you. And what's the deal with Butter Snaps? I really like butter. On bread, popcorn, or my hair, you name it I like it. But on packaged pretzels? No way Jose. Lather some up and dump it on a SuperPretzel and I'm all for it. But please don't ruin my cold pretzel with fake-flavored butter.

I really miss my friends. Sometimes I tell them I hate them and that I don't miss them because I don't want them to see how weak I am. The hardest part of college isn't leaving behind the academics and the stress and the assholes on campus who are smarter than you. The hardest part of college is missing coming home to your friends laying in bed playing Tetris or watching Tourette's Guy videos on YouTube. Wishing that somebody was around to talk to and hang out with or maybe even watch the Food Channel with. Saddle up and play Gears of War for a solid hour or two. You don't get any of that when you live at home. And it sucks. That's why I miss my friends. But don't tell them I said so.

How do I go about being nominated for a Nobel Prize? I know they have categories for Physics, Chemistry, Medicine, Peace and most importantly Literature. Can someone who knows some laureates get them to nominate me for this accredited literature I produce on a daily basis? Is it too much to ask? Did you know that people who win the Nobel Prize receive a gold medal and a million dollars or so? Chances are if you're winning a Nobel Prize, money is not an issue for you. They should donate to the Human Fund or something. That's what I'm not going to do when you all help me achieve that goal.

See how easy it is to get wrapped up in all the hodgepodge? Don't you feel that much closer to me now than you did 3 minutes ago? I tend to have that effect on people. I've been told on numerous occasions that when people read the blog, they can hear my voice through the words. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I guess it evokes some kind of emotion in you. To my amigo (Spanish for "friend") that talked to me for 2 hours, who I was a piece of shit to at times, thanks for still being my friend. I appreciate your loyalty and ingenuinity. I feel like I'm growing up. Not enough to stop me from saying, "I am better than you."