If You're Fat, You're Disgusting. Don't Be Fat And Disgusting

Let me paint the picture. Sitting in the living room on a Friday night, around 10:15pm. To your right, your mom. In front of you, the television. What's on? Say Yes to the Dress or #SYTTD. Why am I watching this on a Friday night instead of drinking at a bar? Easy. I have no friends or money. But something occurred during this episode that infuriated me. There was a disgustingly obese women crying about how the store didn't have any dresses that fit her or ones that showed too much of her tits. I then made a comment, aloud. "What a fat disgusting slob." My mother's retort was what incensed me. "Not everyone can be a skinny mini." That is categorically untrue.

I used to work in two separate offices that were located higher than the first floor. They both, coincidentally, were on the 5th floor. At this point in time, I stopped working out and gave up on doing any and all physical activities. I ate like shit, I drank a lot, and I smoked cigarettes. But, I walked up the steps to my workplace on the 5th floor every day. It was the least I could do. I bring this up because nothing angered me more than individuals, fat or skinny, that would take that elevator on the 5th level down ONE floor. ONE. Walking down stairs is not nearly as physically daunting as going up stairs. But these lazy pieces of shit couldn't manage to go down ONE floor. This is why America is obese.

Back to why everyone CAN be a skinny mini. I hate the bullshit argument that some people are pre-disposed to a "fat gene" that causes them to be obese. Or that it takes a lot of effort for them to lose weight. I don't buy it. But let's say that it is true, is it okay for us to ridicule them for being lazy then? I love fried chicken. I think it's one of the greatest things in the whole world. But instead of eating a 12pc mixed bucket from Popeyes, maybe I'll eat 3. Instead of drinking a 2 liter bottle of Coke, or obese people's favorite (Diet Coke), drink water. Like 8 cups a day. And have the fat's heard of something called exercise? Anyone can do it.

"But I work 9-5 and when I get home I'm too tired". Well maybe being single, sleeping alone, and weighing 250lbs is a wake up call. "But I can't afford to go to the gym. It's very expensive." The last time I checked, running was free. It's one of the few great exercises that costs literally nothing. You can do it anywhere in the world. You can run in the cold. You can run in the heat. You can't run on ice. I suppose you could, but you're going to have a bad time. Too fat to start off running? Jog. Too fat to jog? Walk. Too fat to walk? Stop eating. It's unbecoming and off-putting to see fat people because it's the one thing they can control.

I can understand if you're ugly. It's really expensive to get plastic surgery. Face wash can be expensive. Proactiv is for adolescent assholes and desperate celebrities. So if you're ugly, well sorry there isn't much hope for you. But being fat? It's 100% preventable, curable, treatable. All you need is a little bit of motivation.  Maybe get a treadmill. Put a picture of Ryan Gosling in front of you like a carrot on a string. Chase him. Chase something. But don't tell me there isn't anything you can do about being fat and obese and disgusting. At my fattest peak, I weighed 190lbs. Not crazy big, but I weighed 155lbs for roughly 7 years. I stopped eating fast food. I stopped drinking soda. I started by running 1 mile a day 5 days a week. Added a 1/2 mile every week until I got to 8 miles. I ate mixed nuts instead of potato chips. I ate grilled chicken instead of fried. I ate a salad and fruit instead of starburst and skittles. I'm down to 160lbs. Fuck off, fat.

Now I don't condone shaming fat people to their face. In this day and age of hypersensitivity and political correctness (thanks Obama) to anything and everything and people killing themselves as an escape, I prefer the passive aggressive route. Write a couple of paragraphs about how fat people disgust you. How they make excuses as to why they're fat. How, of all things, being skinny is something ANYONE can achieve. Are some people more inclined to be skinny based on their genetics? Absolutely. But, again, ANYONE can get skinny. Not by getting lapband surgery. Not by getting gastric bypass surgery. Not by drinking 2 liters of Diet Coke a day. By eating right and exercising. Especially because exercise is free. Walking, running, jogging, crunches, squats, push-ups, sit-ups, lunges. All free. So stop being fat and obese and disgusting. Start getting fit and healthy and skinny. ANYONE can be a skinny mini. And don't forget, I am better than you.

Naked Gym. What A Novel Idea

You have to hand it to Spain. Not only are they an exclusive member of P.I.G.S. (Portugal, Ireland, Greece, Spain) and depleting the European Union, they may or may not have initiated the worst idea in the history of ideas. (http://www.metro.co.uk/news/861754-gym-offers-naked-exercise-sessions) One of their gyms, Easy Gym, is offering its members the opportunity to exercise naked. Now, it isn't a nude-only club as you have the option of keeping them on or taking them off. The president of the gym said his only motivation for marketing the gym in such a way was to help generate interest and to recoup most of the money he lost due to the recession over there. He thinks people aren't going to the gym because of the recession. Wrong!

Now I can't say for sure what it's like over in Spain, but I know that in the good ole U.S. of A. people don't go to the gym not because of the lack of money, but mostly because we are all lazy pieces of shit. It isn't a coincidence that we have the highest obesity rate in the world. So maybe people aren't going to the gym because they actually don't have the extra money. But your bright idea, Merche Laseca, is to offer your members the option of exercising naked? Is that some sort of sick joke?

What kind of people go to the gym? I know of three. 1) People with low self-esteem who are trying to make themselves feel better on the outside by compensating for the worthlessness they feel on the inside. 2) People who are genuinely trying to improve their look because everything seems to go their way anyway. 3) People who are fat and disgusting and are actually trying to lose weight because they are fat and disgusting. And group number 3 probably makes up a large chunk of the gym population. So now the naked gym doesn't seem like such a good idea, does it? Right again.

(Weak piece of shit)

And how embarrassing would it be if you go to the gym at a real location, say Los Angeles, and there's a hot chick with huge implants and a small frame. You get to the butterfly machine, but she's already taken the spot. Next thing you know, you're in the corner of the gym hiding your erection because you can't stop looking at the girl compressing her big fake boobs together. Now what? Is a gym the ideal place to be wandering around with a boner? Do you know how many guys are at the gym, especially the roided out douchebags? This has tragedy written all over it. I could never go to the gym naked, just because that would happen the one time I go.

(I know the black one is Gemini)

The owner also made it a point to make up some story about how the ancient Greeks used to perform in the nude during the Olympics. Didn't they use to feed you to the lions if you came in 4th place? Yeah, just what I'd like. To be running from a lion in the buff so he could rip apart my man area and eat it like the sick son of a bitch that he/she is. The athletes definitely did not participate naked in the Olympics. I don't care what fake drawings and illustrations have been made. I don't believe it. Not for one second. I would assuredly make fun of my opponent for that angel hair pasta that he called a penis. Gold medal for me.

(I told you they weren't nude)

The whole reasoning behind the naked Olympics was so that women couldn't participate. And they wonder why I yell at them to continue cooking and cleaning? It's always been that way. During fake Jesus' time, to the Olympics, and now to the present day. Women have always had a role and it was to serve man. These aren't my beliefs, just what I witness on a day-to-day basis. Don't shoot the messenger. But this article did at least one thing for me. It made me realize how much smarter and better America is than everywhere else. Because people in Spain think of nude gyms. Sorry Spain, I hate to break it to you, but "I am better than you."

The Easiest Way To Lose Weight Is To Have Never Gotten Fat To Begin With

I'm tired of looking at people who are fat. I understand that being fat has its perks, like it not hurting when you fall on your ass/cottage cheese, or knowing that whatever you wear, you'll probably look terrible regardless. It just pains me so much because if everyone had a natural physique like mine, the world would be a better place. I've seen people of all shapes and sizes and the ones who are most repulsive are those who are obese. Obesity is a disease in which you can't stop eating because you have no self-value and very little care in your appearance. I am here to help.

I recently read a study that linked childhood obesity with an insufficient amount of sleep. If you are laughing, stop, because that's apparently real. Yes children are fucking fatso's because they aren't getting enough sleep. Let's disregard all the fucking happy meals they're eating and the 12 cans of soda they drink a day, as well as the time video games consume their souls. I swear to God researchers are the dumbest motherfuckers around. To even make a statement like that is borderline retarded. Excuses are like assholes, everybody has one and they all stink. But I have a solution or five.

Like the title says the easiest way to lose weight is to never put it on in the first place. But since none of us are perfect (besides me) I did a little research. One of the first ways you can prevent yourself from becoming fat or to stop being fat is bulimia. I understand throwing up is not an ideal situation for everyone, but optimal for losing excess weight. If you don't want the acid to burn your esophogus there is always solution number two, anorexia. Stopping yourself from eating is a great way to cut down on ghastly weight gains. And lastly, we have laxatives. This way you can poop out all those unwanted Big Mac's. However, I should note that this measure is only for the males because, as we all know, girls don't poop.

We shouldn't be celebrating those who are obese. "The Biggest Loser" is an example as to why our country is looked upon like a big joke. We are putting fat fucking losers on television and then paying them to lose weight. PAYING people to lose weight. Gone are the days of looking good for yourself. If it doesn't amount to a paycheck, than it isn't worth our time? Right? How nieve and despicable we truly are. And I blame that liberal Obama who's in the White House for this. If we had jobs we wouldn't resort to getting fat so that we can earn a paycheck.

No, there is no such thing as an obese gene. Yes, these people can help it. We all go through rough times and to blame your mortifying weight gain on your problems is foolish and unacceptable. If you don't have a good metabolism, eat three meals a day. Work out. Run. Jog. Stop eating. Stop drinking. Obesity is very easy to overcome. I joked about it before, but seriously, it doesn't take much to lose weight. Stop blaming a lack of sleep on childhood obesity. Start taking responsibility for your poor actions. Life is too short to dance with fat chicks. Keep that in mind to the four girls reading this, because I will only dance with you if you are indeed skinny. I am and that already means "I am better than you."