Part Of Growing Up Is The Acceptance That Things Change

Today I went on a bike ride. My mentality shifted throughout the course of the ride. I initially got on my bike to clear my head. Get out of it for a little bit. It's as if everything around me is changing and I'm finally beginning to accept it. My life has been a turnstyle since March when my grandmother passed away. No longer were the chains in place to restrict my mom or uncle from going out anytime they wanted. No more stresses, no more anxiety. One person leaving this Earth did that. But there's more to it. My uncle's girlfriend of 20-something years has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and things don't look well for her at all. Most of his time has been spent with her at the hospital. But there's more.

My grandparents moved into my current house in the 1960s. This has been in possession of the family for 45 years or so. According to my uncles and mom, it was a nice neighborhood with lots of trees and families. Well those days are done and over. Almost all the trees have been cut down. Most of the families that live here don't speak English or bother with anyone but themselves. Just yesterday, my mom's tires were slashed. 6 hours later the police showed up to investigate two stolen vehicles. Where the fuck do I live? Which brings this all back to me. I received a phone call during the middle of last week. It was from a company in Virginia. They want me to come in for an interview. My ticket out?

I've been trying to leave this God-forsaken city/town since 2006. That's why I went to school in Virginia. I'm tired of the crime that's seemingly gotten worse. I'm tired of the brash people I come across on a consistent basis. I'm over the snooty girls with their orange glow and big Louis Vitton bags. I'm sorry ladies, I can't compete for your affection when a Louis Vitton bag is my competition. This interview is the biggest, most important thing that has happened to me in the longest time. I'll be able to see my friends from school on a regular basis. I can enjoy the ingenuity of Virginia's residents. I can start my life anew.

So I went on a bike ride today. Passing through the streets that I've known since I can hardly remember. Thinking back to what it used to look like and how it transformed into this miserable pile of shit. But then I got sentimental. People give New Jersey such a bad rap about how unclean it is and how terrible it smells. And how everyone thinks they're from New York or Philly. Well most of us are from there. We just live in Jersey because it's cheaper. And I get that. And maybe it does smell. But you know what? It's home. It's always been home to me and always will be. People can trash it all they want, but it will always be where I came from.

Before I knew it, I was about 9 miles from home. Back to where I went to high school. A long ways to go, lost in my own thoughts. And that's when I realized that everything is changing. My city. My family. My relationships. My life. I'm actually becoming a grown-up and it scares the shit out of me. I hate the kids at my camp mostly because I'm jealous of them. Watching them make up some game on the spot, laughing and yelling, and making fun of one another. Not a care in the world. Genuine, sincere, and brutally honest kids are. I don't know why, but at some point in time we teach children not to be honest. I can think about it all day, but it never quite makes sense. Children have got it all, man.

Maybe I'm writing this post prematurely. But my gut tells me that it's my time to move on. It's time to start a new chapter in my life. It's time to move down to the place that will make me happiest. I couldn't tell you the last time I was so excited about something. Maybe 3 weeks ago when my friend came home from Turkey. But besides that, I don't know. I'm growing up and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Deep down, in that place where most people have their hearts, and I have a dark, black piece of coal, it's telling me that I'm going to get this job and I'm going to leave Garfield for good. I couldn't be more happy and scared all at the same time. Something tells me though, that things will work out for the best. They always seem to. Could it be, perhaps, because "I am better than you?"

For This Time Only, A Threesome Becomes A Travesty

I would like to have a threesome. Give me a couple shots or 12 and two people willing to get dirty in the sheets and let's see where it takes us. It's one of life's greatest mysteries, for those of us who have never had the opportunity to partake in such events. At times I've heard that threesomes are only good when the 3 people involved don't give a shit about each other. When you're dating a girl for 4 years and she brings her friend into the equation, things can only get shitty. Jealousy ensues and somebody ends up getting hurt. Or maybe you're a swinger and it gets you off while some douchebag starts nailing the shit out of your girlfriend. Who am I to say? But this is where the line needs to be drawn.

http://www.truecrimereport.com/2011/04/daniel_gay_shepard_married_tea.php

Did you read it? I didn't think so. To sum it up, two married teachers in Cali invited one of the dude's students home, invited him to hot tub naked, and then the two of them went to town on the kid's asshole and penis for several months. He seemed to be into it, so whatever. But you have to click on it just to see their picture. They are easily the two creepiest, disgusting, and vile creatures my two big brown eyes have ever laid on. 61 and 59? Try 85 and I can't even guess the wife's age. Why would a 17-year-old male even consider this? I was desperate to lose my virginity in high school, but Jesus Christ show a little bit of self-esteem.

(Even they would have been an improvement)

The really sad part is that it happened with a teacher. Not that it happened with a teacher, but with these two teachers. Every guy, and maybe girl, thinks about their teacher in some sort of inappropriate way. And very seldom do students get the opportunity to bang out their teacher. In this kid's case, I doubt he fantasized much about banging the guy or girl. Yet, it happened anyway. He probably thought his friend would think he was cool for finally boning a teacher, when in fact he will be ridiculed for the rest of his existence for banging the latest additions to Shady Oaks Retirement Villa.

I really like the double standard we set as a society as well. When a male teacher bangs out a 15-year-old girl, he's looked at as if he was the devil himself. But when an attractive female teacher does the same thing, we applaud the boy for sticking it to her. (See what I did there?) Where is the problem? Guys don't have the same problem when it happens to one of their own, as long as she is attractive. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that, but I'd have been pleased to add a couple of teachers to my resume, if you know what I mean.

However this boy clearly got lost in the meaning of "cougar."

(This is an example of a cougar.)

That old hagrid witch in the above link is NOT a cougar. She is ugly, boiled, and inexplicably horrendous. So just because banging out cougars was the cool thing to do in 2007, doesn't mean it's okay to do it now. And I know this actually occurred in 2009, but it's just being reported about now. Cougars are attractive, have lots of work done, fake tits, lip fillers, and a face that doesn't show emotion. Make sure you get the premise down before you go all willy-nilly on a near-decrepid couple. Shame on you, kid. Shame on you.

And like I mentioned before, threesomes can be very dangerous. What if your girlfriend gets really upset that you are spending more time with her friend, instead of her? Or if your best friend is spending too much time with your girlfriend, instead of you...That's why couples can't have threesomes. It rocks the foundation of the relationship and disallows it to be normal afterwards. Threesomes are best served if you are just trying to be a good friend with a not so virginal girl, or if you are just a slut trying to get double-teamed. If you don't care that you're a slut, I won't either. To your face. Maybe I shouldn't have a threesome, even though it won't affect me like that because "I am better than you."

February 17, 2008

If you don't want to read an emotional post, I suggest you stop reading now. February 17, 2008 was a Sunday. Not just any Sunday though. It was the day I got myself my first girlfriend. I had met her a couple days prior to Halloween and we had been talking a little bit since our return from winter break. This girl was one of the prettiest I had seen since I had been in college. Tall, slender, long brown hair, great smile. And she was dressed like Peter Pan. My friends and I called her that for a long time after. From the first time I saw her, I thought she was beautiful. But I didn't have the courage to approach so my friend went up to her and said, "My friend is a bitch. Dance with him." The rest as they say is history.

The remainder of the school year played out pretty nicely. I had this new girlfriend and she would sleep over on the weekends and we'd hang out on Tuesdays and Thursdays after my last class. Things were going really well and I really liked her. So the school year ended and summer came along. I still didn't have a car at this point, so seeing each other was going to be a little difficult. I ended up going to see her two or three times that summer, but only when her dad wasn't home. It made for an exciting day or two. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button and getting up and walking out of Chili's. The waiter at Applebee's calling me Champion. Towards the end of it, she came to meet my friends at my best friend's beach house. All of my friends seemed to really like her and that made me pretty happy. One of the last few nights we were there, I took her to the beach and told her that my dad taught me two things in life. 1.) Never bet on your favorite team. 2.) Never tell somebody you love them unless you mean it. I then went on to tell her I loved her.

My junior year came around and our relationship was at an all-time high. We saw each other every day and really enjoyed one another's company. This was a transitional period in my college life because I had just moved in with two strangers and my best friend at school. Looking back, I really left him hanging there to dry. Two strangers and I pretty much spent all my time with the girlfriend. Shocking that he's still my friend today. Anywho, college wasn't so good to the girlfriend and thoughts of transferring had occurred. Since I really liked this girl I wanted her to be happy so I encouraged her to rush a sorority. She got in, did her thing, and all seemed to be well in the world.

And then in January, something bad happened. An accident. A mistake. A slip-up. She had made-out with another guy from some pussy ass frat. I had been cheated on. Easily the worst I had ever felt. You feel like you put all this trust in a person, and just like that it can vanish. I did my best to stop talking to her, but I didn't really want to. I cared about her too much to let something like that get in the way of my feelings. Plus, I knew she felt terrible about it because she was the one who told me it happened. I never would have known. So I took that as a sign that she was truly sorry and proceeded on with the relationship a couple of weeks later.

Once again things were going really well. I think she was trying to earn my trust back, but it was still a little bit hard for me. Sometimes she went out of her way to try and make me happy, something I guess I felt I was entitled to because of what had happened. Regardless, I felt we were back to being happy. One night we split a pizza from Papa John's and I knew I had something really special. Sunday nights we watched Desperate Housewives, seriously. We ended up staying together for Maymester, a five week crash course that my school offered. Hands down the best time I had ever had with her. We watched The O.C., some lame movies, ate popcorn, skittles, starburst, milkshakes, and made Boboli pizzas. We even found time to watch The Bachelorette. And one time we got really drunk playing Candy Land. Not the manliest things to do by any stretch of the imagination, but I was happy to be with her and happy things were going well.

Senior year was here and my time in college was almost up. This was going to be a tough year for me for many reasons. I pretty much had all my core classes for my major to take. The girlfriend was going to Spain to study abroad Spring semester, and I was leaving the place that made me the happiest I had ever been. I knew going into it that things might get a little bumpy. We alternated sleepovers every night and she usually stayed by me on the weekends. Some nights we stayed in and just hung out, other nights we would go get drunk. We even woke up one night to look at the meteor shower, but never made the actual effort to get out of bed. Fall semester was over and that dreaded time was coming around. We hung out a couple of times before she left and it was pretty sad for me. I imagine for her too.

My last semester of college was probably the best time for her to go and do that. It gave me the time to hang out with my friends and gave her the opportunity to learn a little bit more about herself. We would skype and send emails to each other and it made the long distance a lot more doable, at least for me. The semester flew by and before you know it, she was back. I was happy to be able to hug and kiss her again just like I used to every day before she went away. But things felt a little bit weird once she got back. Maybe all the time made it a bit awkward. Whatever it was, it didn't "feel" the same.

The summer came, we saw each other one time. Uh oh. Something isn't right. We went from this almost unbreakable kind of bond, to an almost forgettable relationship. I wasn't even talking to her on a daily basis. Some texts and a goodnight and that was about all. We had made plans to get together that summer on a little vacation with just the two of us. We ended up going to Wildwood because it was convenient for the both of us. We stayed for 3 nights and once again enjoyed each other's company. Coloring and Poley. But it was time for her to go back to school. But this time without me.

I visited her move in weekend and made it a "surprise". However, my idea of a surprise was to hang out with my best friend from school because he was going to Turkey for almost a year and well I figured I'd be seeing more of her than him in that time frame. A mistake on my part. I should have told her I was coming and that I intended to hang out with him. My mistake. Things got progressively worse as we weren't seeing much of each other. Not since she left for Spain at least. She came to see me in October for a weekend and that was also a fantastic time. We played miniature golf and went into New York City and went to Central Park and sat on this huge rock. All the things that made us realize why we were together in the first place.

I surprised her again the following weekend, but this time I stayed with her the whole time. It was pretty great seeing her two weekends in a row, considering I hadn't seen her in about 6 weeks. So the weekend came and went and I ended up seeing her one more time about a month later. This was probably the downfall of our relationship. I wasn't happy. She wasn't happy. It seemed like we had just fallen apart. Maybe it was the lack of time together. Maybe it was a lack of interest. I don't know, but all I know is it wasn't a good time. After I had left, we continued talking for a couple of weeks and then it was over. She wasn't happy anymore. She couldn't handle the long distance. The relationship had reached its end.

I didn't quite know if things were really over or maybe if it was just a little break. But I didn't talk to her for a couple of days and then after about a week we talked again. Nothing was really resolved and so we continued talking here and there. Until in January the decision was made to just end things. Because we seemed to want different things, and the amount of times we were seeing each other wasn't sufficient. As of this posting, I haven't spoken with her in about 5 weeks. So let me just say it, because I'm pretty sure she might be reading this.

I don't hate you. I never have. I never will. I hated the situation we were in and I hate that you quit on us. I knew being long distance wasn't going to be easy, but knowing that I had you when I needed you was alright with me. I'm sorry you felt I was needy, because in fact at times I did need you and you were there, but not now. If you think this is easy on me, you're dead wrong. I thought breaking up was going to be the hardest part, but it's getting over you that I'm having trouble with. I lost my best friend. And for my sake, I know talking to you as my friend is just going to make things worse. I still can't eat a Boboli, or listen to a certain John Mayer song, or even the time with Pop-Rocks. All these memories flood me about all the great times I had with you, but never the negative ones. Because I don't think there were any. I'm sorry we couldn't make things work. I truly am. I wish I could do something to change it. But I can't. I want to wish you the best of luck and success in the Dominican Republic and I hope you find what it is that you're looking for. Today would have been three years. Instead today is just February 17, 2011.