My Final Posting

Well fellow blog readers, I have some terrible news. This post will indeed be my last posting. I started this blog in the beginning of January and made it to April. 56 posts later and here we are. Nothing has changed, nothing is different. I used this blog as a forum to help get over a relationship that was very meaningful to me. One that absorbed nearly 3 years of my life and it ended. Just like that. I was also having some trouble with my living situation and being unemployed got to me physically and mentally. You start to doubt yourself and things that you are capable of and fall into this depression. I didn't want that to happen. I didn't need that to happen, so I took to blogging.

What this did was allow me to write in a forum where I could say anything I wanted. There are no restrictions, no limitations. From my very first post about horrorscopes and how fucking stupid I think they are, to my very last post about the 2011 baseball season. I covered many topics and ranted about things I believe in, don't believe in, and everything in between. The support I have garnered from all of you who had read was truly remarkable and I couldn't be more appreciative. You truly inspired me to keep writing even if you didn't agree with a lot of what I was saying. Here's to you.

Since I don't want to end on an unhappy note I thought I would spend this last posting talking about some of my favorite posts and topics in general. Just most recently, the one-named celebrities was one of my favorites. I think I gave a good account of some of the most popular ones and added some hilarious commentary about why I liked or didn't like them. Plus the pictures were pretty sweet. Sting without a shirt. Prince in the fetal position. Superb. The Disney princesses was also pretty swell. We all thought about "doing them" so why not write about it. Instant classic.

Describing the existence of aliens took me from 6 to midnight. I love watching The X-Files because I'm a huge nerd and that show revolves around paranormal activity and extraterrestrial life. So trying to prove my point in showing how they were real was a personal fave. And how disgusting are people in our country? The post about Skype sex being dangerous gets hits left and right. People in our country are genuinely concerned about whether or not it is safe to do. Of course it is you fucking idiots. What could possibly go wrong besides someone walking in on you? As if they don't touch their private parts. But geez Louise, stop being so God-damned perverted.

It was also really hard for me to open up the way that I did about my relationship. All my friends knew how I was feeling and members of my family saw what I was going through. But to put it in a public forum for the world to see showed a lot of growth on my part and what I think was some of my best writing because it was so emotionally charged. The best is that it was a steady stream of writing. No pauses to collect my thoughts. It just came all naturally. That's why I think that may have been the best post in terms of quality and emotional appeal. Thanks to you February 17.

In closing, I'd like to reiterate my thanks to all of you who read the blog on a consistent basis. I got my inspiration from my former roommate who is doing some really great things in Ethiopia right now and blogging about it. If you don't know what the web address is I will provide it to you right now: waidsworld.wordpress.com. It seriously puts my blog to shame because the quality is so much better and he's a genuinely good, nice person. Again thank you all for the continued support and I hope that we can speak again soon. Until then...

APRIL FOOLS!!

You fucking morons! Did you actually think I was going to stop writing? I haven't even begun to emphasize the thousands of ways "I am better than you."

Disney Princesses: Who Would You Penetrate?

I was very fortunate to have an older sister growing up. She got to dress me up like Dorothy, put make-up on me to make me look like a clown, I got to play with her Barbies when she wasn't home, and last but not least, watch all of the Disney princess movies. Those movies were the shit, I don't care what anybody says. From the countless number of times I've seen "The Little Mermaid", "Beauty and the Beast", "The Lion King", "Aladdin" and countless others, nothing can ever compare. So when I went to college and talked to my friends, both male and female, about their favorite princesses, I got overwhelming responses. Now I would like to debate which Disney princess I would most want to have sexes with.

Cinderella - This one is for all the conservative purists out there. I don't wanna hear about how I can't concoct a list without including the greatest Disney princess of them all. Well the truth of the matter is I don't like her frilly blond hair, her adoration of birds, or her dumbass headband. In fact, I don't like Cinderella at all. She is easily the most boring, lame princess of all of them. I only put her on here because I felt like I had to. She brings nothing to the table, so I'm done with her.

Ariel - It really broke my heart to list Ariel at number 4, but sometimes that's the way life goes. By all means I would love to penetrate Ariel, but the problem I see here is, where? Everything below her belly-button is covered by her fin. And yes I saw the movie, and yes I know she becomes a "human" or something. But we're talking about when she was hot. I mean, look at that shell-top bikini. That just screams sex. And that red-hair? Dazzling. I wonder if the curtains match the carpet. Either way, she's pretty awesome.

Jasmine - Another no-brainer. Look at her with those eloquent earrings and sophisticated headband thing. I don't know if it's a tiara, nor do I give a shit really. But yowza! I've seen Aladdin more times than I can count on all of my digits, and it never gets easier to stop lusting over this sweet diddy. It's as if she's wearing those UFO pants that were popular amongst the Hot Topic boys in the late 90s. Except she can pull it off. And her long, beautiful hair is delightful. If you haven't seen Kim Kardashian dressed as Jasmine, I suggest you Google it now.

Belle - A lot of my southern friends liked Belle because they have this "southern belle" complex. At least that's how I diagnosed it. But I can't argue much with them. She's pretty wonderful by every stretch of the imagination. Yellow isn't my favorite color in the world, but she's so pretty that she can wear whatever she wants. That also includes nothing. Bright green eyes, and rose petals in her hair. What are you doing to us Walt? Perfectly shaped red-lips and straight white teeth to go along with it. She exemplifies what I want in a woman. Someone out of my league.

Nala - This one's a no-brainer. Of all the Disney princesses in the history of animated film-making , Nala wins Grand Prize. With a cute as a button nose, and a ferocious tail that could knock me the fuck out, she takes my heart and runs away with it. Another example of Disney melting our hearts with those lush green eyes and perfectly symmetrical eyebrows. All the makings of the Queen of Disney. I think Nala was created when Walt was still alive, but held back until the animation was so technologically advanced, they could present her in all of her true glory. Nala is number 1.

I know you think I'm a sick son-of-a-bitch because I picked an animal as the best Disney princess. And I'm ranking cartoon characters that I would fornicate with. But you're the sick one for actually reading it. And there's nothing wrong with liking animals. I doubt you will disagree with my rankings because they are 100% correct. But if you still find fault with them, give up because "I am better than you."

The Word Epic As An Adjective Needs To Fucking Stop

I'm really tired of hearing about how everything is fucking epic. I took an epic shit today. I ate an epic bowl of cereal for breakfast. That is an epic watch you're wearing. Holy flying fuck shit. Stop saying epic. You sound like a moron. You probably don't even know what epic means. Epic: the most overused word ever, next to fail. For even more asshole points, use them together to form "epic fail." Everything is epic now. Epic car. Epic haircut. Epic movie. Epic album. Epic shut the fuck up" (urbandictionary.com) Yeah that sounds about right.

But in all honesty this is what epic is defined as, "extending beyond the usual or ordinary especially in size or scope". So to say that you did anything epic it sure as hell better be beyond the usual or ordinary. Way too often do I hear dickheads describe shit as epic. Epic fail is beyond my least favorite. What the fuck is an epic fail? I'd rather drink an entire gallon of drain-o and pour vinegar into my eyes than to listen to some asshole say that phrase again. Unfortunately for me, I live in a society where stupid pieces of shit go running around saying, "OMG did you see that old man slip and fall on that black ice? What an epic fail. LOL" These are people who need to be donkey kicked in the throat and/or groinal region.

All this venting got me thinking about some more things that bother me. "Epic Movie" was probably the biggest pile of horseshit movie ever written, directed, and acted. The same idiots who made the same spoofs about dating, the Spartans, disasters, and the Twilight saga bullshit. And what really makes me sick is that this "Epic Movie" was number one in the box office the weekend it came out. How fucking miserable are we as Americans that we are going to see God-awful movies? As if there is nothing better to spend money on? I'm stingy with my money because I don't have a lot of it, but jesus christ if I had an infinite amount of money I still wouldn't go anywhere near that travesty.

Nintendo came out with a video game on the Wii console right before Christmas. Do you have any inkling as to what the name of that game was? Probably not, because you are too cool for video games. Excuse me you pompous asshole. But the name of the game was "Epic Mickey". The premise of the game was to go around to different places and paint shit. The dickwads at Disney thought it would be cool to create a game that required you to walk around and paint incoherent splotches of paint on castle walls and Bluto. Well fuck me. That sounds like a fantastic idea. Good thing I bought six copies to wipe my ass with. And it didn't feel good.

The soon to be Gears of War trilogy is produced by Epic Games. Do I need to tell you that I will no longer play said game? Even in good causes like E.P.I.C. (Every Person Influences Children) the meaning is lost because it has a stupid fucking name. I don't even care what they're trying to accomplish because I have a gut feeling that it isn't epic. Am I taking this out of proportion? Yes, but you would only think that if you are an idiot. The word epic has officially been destroyed and it should not be used ever again. This blog however is on its way to epic heights because of you the assholes who still read it for some reason. But I'm pretty sure it's because "I am better than you."