New Studies Suggest 1 in 38 Children May Have Autism. That Scares The Shit Out Of Me

If you're hoping for some comedy, there probably isn't going to be much today. I read an article today about how a Yale study has recently discovered that 1 in 38 children have some type of autism spectrum disorder. (http://www.care2.com/causes/health-policy/blog/new-study-reveals-a-shocking-1-in-38-children-may-have-autism/) The CDC (Center for Disease Control) recently had the numbers at 1 in 100. That's more than double the previous results. As unlucky and unfortunate as I consider myself to be sometimes, I've always held my health in the highest regard. I'm someone who rarely gets sick, minus the common cold every year or so. But other than that, no distinguishable health concerns. I can breathe, walk, run, smile, hear, and think with absolutely no trouble. Having a child with autistic-like tendencies scares the shit out of me.

I suppose the biggest concern I have is that there seems to be nowhere to point the finger. Nobody knows what seems to be causing the "sickness". Is it the absurd amount of innoculations we are required to receive? Can it be all the foods we ingest containing high fructose corn syrup and God only knows what else? Is it old sperm? Is it something our parents were introduced to in their youth? I don't have any of the answers to the questions I just asked. But could it be that we are also overdiagnosing it, much like we do with A.D.D.? Again, I'm not a doctor.

But this also poses a moral dilemma for me. If you knew right now that having a child within the next 5 years would cause it to be autistic, would you? Is that something you think you might be able to handle? Because I'm not quite sure I could. I've never had a child, so I don't know the feelings that come with it. It seems like most parents love their children regardless of what their health or mental issues are. Both my mom and my sister work extensively on a day-to-day basis with children who suffer from autism, and I've seen it first hand. Imagine the terrible two's and multiply it by 10. Every day is seemingly a struggle.

This article I read also made it a point to suggest that autism is not only prevalent in the United States, mainly New Jersey and California, but also all around the globe. The problem with diagnosing it around the world is that the doctors don't necessarily know what they are diagnosing. It's all foreign to them (no pun intended) and are just learning now how to assess it. Autism is almost like an epidemic that can span the entire globe and change the future forever. Although there are highly functioning autistics, the majority need constant watching and support. A very scary thought indeed.

And to think that autism has been around for a good length of time. Ever heard of "Rain Man"? It seems to be a popular reference amongst people I communicate with. The general idea is that the man (Dustin Hoffman) has an incredible mind, but lacks severely in social skills. He goes to Vegas and counts cards and cleans up at the blackjack tables, but needs his brother (Tom Cruise) to string him along. And that movie was made in the 80s. So have we broadened our definition as to what autism is, or is it becoming more of a hazard as the years pass?

It's important not to confuse autism with mental retardation. The two are nothing alike and it's a shame that so many people associate it as such. Many autistics are very intelligent, but like I mentioned before, suffer in the social aspect of life. If you want to learn more about autism and how it's affecting a large chunk of not only America, but the world, log on to http://www.autismspeaks.org/ and look up some information. Also, is it wrong of me to want to have a healthy child? Or is that just what all people hope for? Either way, I hope you learned something new today. "I am better than you."

For This Time Only, A Threesome Becomes A Travesty

I would like to have a threesome. Give me a couple shots or 12 and two people willing to get dirty in the sheets and let's see where it takes us. It's one of life's greatest mysteries, for those of us who have never had the opportunity to partake in such events. At times I've heard that threesomes are only good when the 3 people involved don't give a shit about each other. When you're dating a girl for 4 years and she brings her friend into the equation, things can only get shitty. Jealousy ensues and somebody ends up getting hurt. Or maybe you're a swinger and it gets you off while some douchebag starts nailing the shit out of your girlfriend. Who am I to say? But this is where the line needs to be drawn.

http://www.truecrimereport.com/2011/04/daniel_gay_shepard_married_tea.php

Did you read it? I didn't think so. To sum it up, two married teachers in Cali invited one of the dude's students home, invited him to hot tub naked, and then the two of them went to town on the kid's asshole and penis for several months. He seemed to be into it, so whatever. But you have to click on it just to see their picture. They are easily the two creepiest, disgusting, and vile creatures my two big brown eyes have ever laid on. 61 and 59? Try 85 and I can't even guess the wife's age. Why would a 17-year-old male even consider this? I was desperate to lose my virginity in high school, but Jesus Christ show a little bit of self-esteem.

(Even they would have been an improvement)

The really sad part is that it happened with a teacher. Not that it happened with a teacher, but with these two teachers. Every guy, and maybe girl, thinks about their teacher in some sort of inappropriate way. And very seldom do students get the opportunity to bang out their teacher. In this kid's case, I doubt he fantasized much about banging the guy or girl. Yet, it happened anyway. He probably thought his friend would think he was cool for finally boning a teacher, when in fact he will be ridiculed for the rest of his existence for banging the latest additions to Shady Oaks Retirement Villa.

I really like the double standard we set as a society as well. When a male teacher bangs out a 15-year-old girl, he's looked at as if he was the devil himself. But when an attractive female teacher does the same thing, we applaud the boy for sticking it to her. (See what I did there?) Where is the problem? Guys don't have the same problem when it happens to one of their own, as long as she is attractive. I don't know if I necessarily agree with that, but I'd have been pleased to add a couple of teachers to my resume, if you know what I mean.

However this boy clearly got lost in the meaning of "cougar."

(This is an example of a cougar.)

That old hagrid witch in the above link is NOT a cougar. She is ugly, boiled, and inexplicably horrendous. So just because banging out cougars was the cool thing to do in 2007, doesn't mean it's okay to do it now. And I know this actually occurred in 2009, but it's just being reported about now. Cougars are attractive, have lots of work done, fake tits, lip fillers, and a face that doesn't show emotion. Make sure you get the premise down before you go all willy-nilly on a near-decrepid couple. Shame on you, kid. Shame on you.

And like I mentioned before, threesomes can be very dangerous. What if your girlfriend gets really upset that you are spending more time with her friend, instead of her? Or if your best friend is spending too much time with your girlfriend, instead of you...That's why couples can't have threesomes. It rocks the foundation of the relationship and disallows it to be normal afterwards. Threesomes are best served if you are just trying to be a good friend with a not so virginal girl, or if you are just a slut trying to get double-teamed. If you don't care that you're a slut, I won't either. To your face. Maybe I shouldn't have a threesome, even though it won't affect me like that because "I am better than you."

Marijuana: America's Seemingly Favorite Plant

If I gave you one million dollars to name 25 of the 50 State Flowers, could you do it? I doubt it seriously. The reason I doubt it? Because unless you're a botanist or stegosaurus, you don't give a shit about plants. But I know of one plant that most Americans as well as humans around the globe do know about. That plant is cannabis, most commonly referred to as marijuana. There are way too many other names that it goes by so I'll leave Ali G to give you all the fun names. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qdmuVS7O6FY...skip to about 4:23 or watch the whole thing) Since this isn't history class I'll only tell you that its use goes back as far as the 3rd millenium BC. Whoa that's a long time.

For most people growing up, they aren't made aware of marijuana until they reach high school. At least that's how it was for me. And since I'm too much of a pussy, I never tried it either. But I was friends with some kids who smoked "pot" and they were decent individuals. But as a child I was always taught that marijuana is a "gateway drug", one that opens the gates for more intense drug use down the road. That's why I always played sports. My mom wanted to keep me as far away from the streets as she could. Looks like it worked because I haven't touched it. Plus, it's illegal.

Then I went to college. College is fun. You get to hook up with girls, drink until your liver implodes, experiment with friends, and justify using recreational drugs. Your parents aren't around to tell you what to do and you cross that boundary of making your own decisions. Well I decided to yet again not smoke it. That doesn't mean I didn't like the people who did. Some of my closest friends that I made in college liked smoking the reefer on very non-monumental occasions. I was oblivious and didn't know what 4/20 was. As far as I knew, it was the 20th of April. But it's like pot-smoking day or something. Whatever.

And who woulda thunk that a majority of people I know parents still smoke to this day! All of our parents are typically around the same age, between 50-65. So that means they were very alive for Woodstock. That was when drug use was somewhat okay and hippies shot out of the woodwork. Tie-dye and all that other horrendous shit that people still think is cool today. Even the Beatles did some drugs, evidenced by their album Revolver amongst others. So once upon a time drug use was cool. That's why it makes sense that we're all a little off the rocker. We're like drug babies or something.

In spite of my disinterest in marijuana, I think it should be made legal. With the whirlpool of shit our economy is in right now, it just might be the jumpstart we need. California got the ball rolling by legalizing it and look at them. A financial juggernaut. But, not really. I think with a little bit of tweaking we can make this work. We can set up stands on street corners, or get the ends of long buildings and supply the stuff out of there. Maybe we can even get the prostitutes involved somehow in a two-for-one deal. But that's for another blog post. Take out your blunts and smoke it up because "I am better than you."