The Top 10 Greatest Songs Of The 90s. And By 90s I Mostly Mean 1996-1999. (Part 2)

Welcome back. Brace yourself for the top 5. Sorry I didn't post last night to my devoted readers. I was prepping for a potential earth-shattering sequence.

5. Alanis Morissette - "You Oughta Know"

Did you ever watch "Full House?" Do you remember Uncle Joey? Did you know that he took Alanis Morissette's virginity? The entire "Jagged Little Pill" album, or at least most of it, was written about Joey Gladstone. You know who I blame? Canada. You just can't trust those people with their affinity for hockey and healthcare. You end up with Joey banging Alanis and the result is an incredible record. Imagine what kind of music "The Jonas Brothers" would be making if a guy popped their cherries. I can't even imagine. "And are you thinking of me when you fuck her?" Emotional.

4. Hanson - "MMMBop"

In all honesty, I hate this fucking song. But I lived in Hanson Hall in college and well, it just wouldn't feel right if I didn't include them. I look at Hanson as a new age Bee Gees, but ridiculously less talented and far less popular. Plus, what the fuck is up with their hair? Maybe I'm just jealous, 'cause this shit is stopping growing on me. But they legitimately look like girls. And sound like it, too. If you've never actually listened to the lyrics of this song, I suggest you do so now. It made it to Number 4 for a reason.

3. Britney Spears - "...Baby One More Time"

If you're a boy and this video doesn't make your weeny tingle, you got some problems. How on Earth is this song only Number 3? Aside from the fact that she sounds like she's constipated, the choreography is all wrong. And she didn't even do all those backflips. That's a major penalty in my book. But my biggest complaint is that she might be the only female I've ever seen that I don't think looks better in the school girl outfit. I'd much rather take her with her sports bra and breakaway pants. Say what you will, but you know I'm right.

2. Backstreet Boys - "I Want It That Way"

"Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh." What song starts better than that? No song, that's what. They say you're either a BSB 4 Lif or a stupid *NSYNC'er. I chose the former because who doesn't like a boy band that consists of a balding 30-year-old, a drug addict, an alcoholic, a rodent, and the Jolly Green Giant? Idiots, that's who. BSB revolutionized the airwaves for a solid 4 years. Carson Daly should be giving them thanks every morning and every night for making him a star. MTV should change their name to "BSB" for making the network relevant again. This song wasn't their best one, but it's the most recognized of all of them.

According to at least one expert, this song is not only the best of the 90s, but the best ever. That expert is me and I proudly present to you, Number 1.

1. Third Eye Blind - "Semi-Charmed Life"

Name a better song. I dare you. It doesn't exist. When you hear the opening to the song, do you "Doo doo doo, doo doo doo doo doo?" I know I do, not because I bathe in its splendor, but because it's so God damn catchy. This song is one of those that will be listened to at all junctures of time. Stephen Jenkins is a genius and only he can create a song about being addicted to drugs and make it seemingly cool. Everyone knows the song, whether they like it or not. If they don't, well I just don't ever want to speak with them again. It is hands down, the best song of the 90s.

Don't agree with my selections? Fuck off. You're just jealous that you didn't think of concocting a list first. Be sure to harrass me with snubs and disagreements so I can blatantly ignore you because "I am better than you."

The Top 10 Greatest Songs Of The 90s. And By 90s I Mostly Mean 1996-1999. (Part 1)

I really like 90s music. It's as if I'm living in the past and I can't get unstuck. So I sit in my room and listen to my iTunes. And when I'm not listening to that I put on Pandora. By the way, Pandora really sucks dick now. They have commercials for soap.com literally every other song. I don't want to hear about code soap guy anymore. It ruined the integrity of the website. But back to business. Anyone who has the ability to listen to music should know that the 90s provided some of the best music ever recorded in the history of the Earth. Bands like Nirvana, Third Eye Blind, and The Backstreet Boys dominated the airwaves. So I give you the honor of reading the Top 10 Greatest Songs of the 90s. And by 90s I mean mostly from 1996-1999.

10. Duncan Sheik - "Barely Breathing"

First of all, what is a Duncan Sheik? I know it isn't his name because noone would allow their child to go through that daily living hell. However, this song is one of my personal favorites. Lyrically, it's fascinating, relaying the pains of an ended relationship. Marvelous Duncan. The guitar tickles my eardrums and his voice is like a virgin goddess. It's a real shame that he decided to quit making popular music and start a Tony-award winning career on Broadway. Heard of Spring Awakening? Me neither.

9. Paula Cole - "I Don't Want To Wait"

If the first thing you think of isn't Dawson's Creek, you are totally full of shit and an asshole. This song represents the greatest drama produced for teenagers and young adults for the year ending 1998. Katie Holmes in her prime and a dieseled James Van Der Beek. Beautiful. I'm also pretty confident that Ms. Cole and her hairy armpits won a Grammy for this love ballad. And in all honesty, if it wasn't the theme song for the aforementioned cult classic drama, I wouldn't have included it in this list. But today you get a reprieve Paula. You're welcome.

8. Sugar Ray - "Fly"

Perhaps a guilty pleasure to like Sugar Ray. Or perhaps it's the ability to hear what good music sounds like. Mark McGrath probably got more than a handful of girls and guys to drop their panties in the late 90s. The music was so generic and bland that it had mass appeal. There was nothing special about Sugar Ray. McGrath has a shitty voice, but it all came together for everyone's enjoyment. Plus, how could you not like a former host of Entertainment Tonight and currently, Don't Forget the Lyrics!

7. Ricky Martin - "Livin' La Vida Loca"

It's not possible to bypass Ricky Martin on this list. This song made it socially acceptable to enjoy listening to Latin music again. It was previously banned after the whole Selena incident and movie that Jennifer Lopez ruined. But thanks to Ricky Martin, "Upside inside out. She's livin la vida loca." I don't know what the fuck that means, but it doesn't take away from blowing my mind. And did you see those sweet leather pants/assless chaps he's wearing? Incredible to have so much audacity. I'm also not surprised that he is a homosexual, not that there's anything wrong with that.

6. Red Hot Chili Peppers - "Under The Bridge"

So I included one song not from the Golden Age of music. But that's ok, this song rocks my socks. Any time you can open up to the masses about something that's really sensitive and personal, I have to give my respects. True story, it's said that Anthony Kiedis wrote this song in his journal as a poem only to be discovered by his agent. His agent in turn asked him to write music to it because it was a sure-fire hit. Hesitant at first, he finally obliged and well as they say, the rest is history. He's not the first person to suffer from drug addiction, and certainly he won't be the last. But to tell everyone and their mother about it, I'm impressed. You win 6th place.

(To be continued tomorrow.)