People Who Buy Art Are Impressionable Assholes

There is one thing that I will admit that I am not good at. Overall I consider myself to be very well-rounded as I have an understanding of pretty much everything. I always say "I'm good at everything. I'm not great at anything." Maybe not the best mindset to have, but whatever. I can't draw. I couldn't draw if you paid me all the money in the world. I have difficulty drawing shapes. I don't know how to draw humans or even animals. When my family gets together over the holidays we always play Pictionary. No one wants to be paired with me because I can't draw for shit. Some of my work is actually on display in the living room because it's that poor. But who's to say what a good artist is? Frankly, I think they all suck.

I've only been to museums on class trips. They would take us to the fake dinosaur displays, the planetarium (my favorite), the gift shop, and last but not least, the art gallery. What the fuck is an elementary school-aged kid going to do in an art gallery? The teachers and chaperones would ask, "What do you think of this piece?" I think it's a piece of shit. It looks like the artist took a paint brush and splashed some fucking color onto a canvas. He or she clearly didn't pass kindergarten because they are way out of the lines. Then the teachers would give me a funny look.

But it wasn't just me that hated the art gallery. All the other kids in my class hated it too, except of course those slimy liberals. They would be enamored by the prestigious art work and applaud it for its creativity. But of course they were just impressionable assholes. I could tell them that that pile of dogshit sitting in the lawn in front of my house was art and they would probably pull out their camera and start snapping photos. And I say that jokingly, but one time I saw some dogshit and told them it was art and they started taking pictures of it. Idiots.

And now those same kids who were so intrigued by art in 4th grade are the same kinds of people who go to auctions and try to buy worthless pieces of paint. Think about it. Picasso is a well-known artist. He painted mutated versions of people on canvas and sold it to people. They bought it for cheap because it looked like shit. Then 20 years later, all of a sudden, his artwork was the greatest thing since sliced bread. People dropping hundreds of thousands of dollars on art. The reasoning was "the world wasn't ready for it yet." They weren't ready because it looked like this:

Can somebody please explain to me how this is art? As I mentioned before I can't draw. And it seems pretty clear to me that Picasso can't either. If you give me a paintbrush and a blindfold, I can either match this drawing or better it.

Art is interpreted by the person observing it. I can say that by using mundane and darker colors around the face, he was going for a general sadness. The bright colors at top signify that this person wants to be thinking positively, but the expression on their face says otherwise. Now prove me wrong. Tell me that my interpretation of the art piece above is wrong. You can't do it because there is no right or wrong answer. So would I be willing to spend $50,000 on acquiring this piece of shit? The answer is no because people who buy art are impressionable assholes. They have nothing better to waste their money on and are therefore stupid.

Whether it's the Medieval, Renaissance, Neoclassicism, Romanticism, Modern, or Contemporary I don't give a shit. Art is stupid. I respect people who can draw and that it's their creativity coming out and blah blah blah. But art is fucking lame and so are the people who like it. Don't tell me anything about art unless you're a museum curator. Otherwise, I will look at you like you're some piece of liberal shit who's just trying to fit in with the general public. Unless you're idea of art is Playboy, Penthouse, or Hustler, than I'm all in. But nobody looks at pornography magazines anymore. Thank you interweb. All conservatives can join me today in saying "I am better than you."

Are You Done Being A Pompous Asshole Yet? No One Likes You

Spending a weekend with friends can do a whole bunch for you. It allows you the opportunity to get drunk, smoke weed, have sex, or other typical things that 23-year-olds do. Unfortunately, there's always a stickler that ruins everyone's fun. Or maybe a few. At times like these, you do your best to ignore the "sour apple" and surge ahead for what should be an unforgettable weekend. And this weekend, I had just that. An unforgettable one. But this time for all the wrong reasons. Let me divulge shit that has bothered me for the past 48 hours.

I have two pretty good friends, at least I think we're good friends, who like to take pictures. One of them is pretty much a professional at this point, doing some freelance work. And she's pretty fucking good. I'm not saying it because she's a friend, but because I actually think she's good at what she does. And I know for a fact that she will make a career out of it because she has a passion for it. She'll make it not only because her work is pretty great, she'll make it because she wants to. Bad. As for my other friend, he isn't a professional, nor do his pictures show that he is. But he likes taking pictures and who am I to knock him for it. (Even though we did) If it weren't for either of them, maybe more of my senior year would have been forgotten by now.

Here are their links respectively:

http://www.carlyarnwineblog.com/

http://thekarmapaymentplan.wordpress.com/category/photography/

And this leads me to one of my problems. Mr. Stickler, just because you bought a camera for $575 on eBay doesn't make you a photographer. No one cares about the price or your lens. Do not judge my friend's photography on the notion that it's hard to be good at it. Some people have a knack for art and can succeed doing it. She's already had several jobs that paid her for her work. She is in fact better than you. Accept it.

I also don't give a flying fuck about how much money you make at work, how much you spend on rent each month, how many girls or guys you've slept with, what kinds of drugs you've used, what it costs at bars each night, and many more. I do not care. Let me reiterate. I do not care. And don't get mad when someone we know makes more money than you out of college. It happens. It's called hard work and intelligence. Jealousy does in fact take many forms.

(Sick bro!)

Studying abroad is a privilege. Having the money to go on vacation is also one. I was the product of divorced parents with very little extra income that could be spent on family vacations. I was happy with the way I was raised. I didn't need the luxury of going to Hong Kong, Columbia, or the Dominican Republic for happiness. Of course I'd love to have the option, but I didn't, and as of right now I still don't. So no, you are not better than me for having seen parts of the world that I haven't. I don't need to be reminded of my financial shortcomings. So shut your mouth.

And yes, I have put on some weight. I don't need to be told that I'm growing a double chin. I'm 5'11'' and I weigh 170 lbs. By no means whatsoever am I overweight. I don't have insecurities that I need to point out to people to make myself feel better. I feel great the way I am. I don't need to work out and get muscles and/or have the world's straightest teeth to feel good about myself. I dated a beautiful girl for nearly 3 years that didn't have a problem with my looks, so why should you? You fucking prick.

Don't try to one-up everything that I said or anyone else said, because frankly no one gives a shit about what you think. It was a privilege for you to have even been invited this weekend, don't let your big head forget that. And please don't tell me that if I really wanted a full-time job, I would have one by now. You don't seem to understand the severity of the unemployment rate. I'm busting my ass trying to find work. I don't find it entertaining or enjoyable sitting at home all day hoping to get that phone call from one of the 15 companies I just sent my resume to. I know eventually things will work in my favor because they always do. This time I mean it when I say "I am better than you."