5.29.2012

Wiz Khalifa Is As Talented As A Piece Of Shit

"Uh, black stripe, yellow paint

them niggas scared of it, but them ho's ain't

soon as I hit the club look at them ho's face

hit the pedal once, make the floor shake"


So this is a line from 'Black and Yellow.' A song most notably released late in the year 2010. The artist you ask? His name is Wiz Khalifa. Like the wizard of being a piece of shit musician/lyricist/human. I actually read on Wikipedia that he took the khalifa name from an Arabic word meaning "successor". I can assure you that he successfully allowed me to lose all faith in America and others that are a part of my generation. His music fucking blows. I would rather become a hermit with leprosy, a paralyzed diabetic, and a degenerate white trash with AIDS than to listen to any other piece of music that comes out of this guy's mouth. I'm only getting started.


Wiz apparently stands for "wisdom." He was given that name as a child as well because he was good at everything. Everything except for making decent music it seems. I don't know what kind of cocky, inconsiderate dickhead thinks that they are good at everything as a child. Are you even sure what wisdom means? Let me define it for you, you fuckass. Wisdom  - "knowledge of what is true or right coupled with just judgment as to action;sagacity, discernment, or insight." What in God's name do you think you know that is right or just at the age of fucking 10? How to wipe your ass? Why you shouldn't tell on your siblings? Because I personally didn't learn that until I was roughly 17. You are the least wise person in the history of the planet.


I would rather be a miserable, lonely, poor fucking asshole than to go around, parading the US "singing" that song and any other shitty song you've made from when you became the wise successor to now.  I don't even think this is a matter of opinion. It's just a blatant fact. I found it to be entirely too humorous that your musical inspiration as a child came from, wait for it, Jimi Hendrix, Camp Lo, The Notorious B.I.G., and Bone Thugs-n-Harmony. Now I'll admit. I have no idea who the fuck Camp Lo is, but I for sure can tell you who the other 3 are. And you got your inspiration from them? Jimi is probably seizuring in his casket and B.I.G. probably had a fucking stroke or 3. What a goddamn joke.


I could probably think of 3 things associated with the Wiz that are worse than you, but I wouldn't go around mentioning it to people. 1) The Wiz - the black remake of the 'Wizard of Oz', probably the most classical movie ever made in American cinema. But you're no worse than the remake that featured an all-black cast and that child-fucker Michael Jackson, who God bless the world that he's dead. Right idea. Terrible execution in the movie. 2) The Washington Wizards - the epitome of a terrible franchise with dumb ass fans living in the DMV area that think they are so close to being good. I don't think the Wizards/Bullets have been good since 1977. So you got those guys beat out too. 3) The Wiz - but Mike, didn't you already mention The Wiz? Why, yes. Yes, I did. But now I'm talking about the electronics store that featured Derek Jeter and a slogan that said "Nobody beats the Wiz". Except everyone did because they went bankrupt relatively quickly. So fuck the Wiz. 

(several careers lined up at Blockbuster)

And let me just celebrate him for his uncanny ability to reference marijuana in 99% of his outings. Bravo! Who the fuck are you? You sound like a typical 14-year-old high schooler that thinks they're so cool because they smoke pot. You're not fucking cool. It's not that cool to smoke pot. And I think you're a huge pussy because you reference it so much. So what? You smoke pot. Do you want some kind of medal or medallion for your efforts? People have been trying to legalize that shit for a long time now, so don't think you've come up with some incredible idea. Rolling blunts and smoking onstage. How bold of you! I mean, just to think if only something like that happened where people gathered and did drugs for long periods. You could call it something like, I dunno, Woodstock. Great ideas keep unfolding for you!

(mystifying artwork!)

Thank you America and my fellow generational members as you keep promoting this fucking loser of a musician to greater and greater heights. It's because of your non-stop attitude and devotion to becoming more and more uneducated, that people like Wiz Khalifa continue to reap the rewards of being a talentless hack, who can do no more than say black and yellow 100 times in a 3:30 span. I applaud each and every one of you who purchased or illegally downloaded Rolling Papers. You've done the right thing. As for me, I shall continue my reign of superioity. A little expression I like to use that goes something like, "I am better than you."